(Closed) Tit for tat – what level of "support" do you expect during your wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Things change both within people’s lives and between people in short periods of time so it’s something I wouldn’t expect. For instance, my Maid/Matron of Honor was single when I got married and now she’s not but when she gets married and doesn’t ask me to be hers, I wouldn’t be the least bit offended if she wants someone who is able to plan and attend multiple bridal events (I should preface this by stating that this is something our group of friends always does so it’s not uncommon or over the top in our circle to have a destination bachelorette vacation etc) which is something I may not be able to do if I have more kids or am pregnsnt etc. 

Post # 17
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

chigirl217bride :  No problem! It takes some time to get used to, don’t worry. I would send an invitation (if you haven’t already), and if they can’t make it, don’t sweat it unless you consider them a very close friend. At least you did your part.

One thing I forgot to add: sometimes it annoys me when my friends don’t take the kind of very small initiatives I do, like tag each other on social media or take pictures together. I’ve learned that a lot of them just aren’t into that stuff, or they are with some people but not with friends they actually consider “close” since there is no need to with close friends (odd logic, I know, but I’ve come to accept it). And sometimes it’s just a lack of communication/making assumptions about people.

Post # 18
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

It would be unrealistic to except any more or less support for the wedding than you receive from these people in your normal life. Honestly? For me it was the same handful of close friends who are most supportive of me in general that were interested in my wedding. The rest saw it was free food and booze 

Post # 19
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee

Friendships change over time and so do circumstances. I didnt really ask/expect much from my friends/family during the process and my involvement in my friends weddings (even as a member of bridal party) has been quite low. Depends on the girl I guess, some brides need more help, emotional support, some do not.

That being said, I have my own life and would be sorta annoyed if I had to do wedding things for someone else for an entire year. Thats why we didnt ask our friends to do that for us.

Post # 20
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

I would be thankful for the people who did support me, especially the ones who I was not able to help with due to not being friends back then, not being alive for parents or aunts/uncles… it all evens out in the end. I’ve been focusing on this year to just live in the present and let things slide off.

Post # 21
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

brideinthesix :  Exactly. That’s what my mom doesnt’ understand and it’s getting frustating. All I hear is “that’s what bridesmaids are for!” and “If they asked would you just not help then?” No… obviously not, I would help, but I DO NOT want to ask for help and put them out

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