(Closed) TMI but I need help!

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

a.) I think it’s harder to NOT find porn on the internet than it is to purposefully find it!

b.) I think the biggest key issue is to relax…there’s no “right or wrong” and there’s no instruction manual on how to do it best. There are books, though, that give you ideas, and I would certinaly seek those out rather than porn. Porn is NOT real sex and not what real sex generally looks like. Yes, it’s intercourse, but it’s designed for the camara.

c.) good luck. Also, again, relax. RELAX! When I’m on top, I dont’ worry about rhythm…I focus on what feels good for me, and it tends to trickle down to him.

Post # 4
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think porn would really help.  He has to be patient because every person likes things differently and you have to learn how your guy likes it.  And, because he should love you and not be getting frustrated and investing time in helping you figure it out is only beneficial for him.  To that end, I understand if he feels like you’re not putting in the effort he is, so maybe that’s the issue, too (telling you to research it, etc). 

I think Women’s Health, Men’s Health and Cosmopolitan are good resources.  Start looking up tips on those sites or subscribing to their magazines or apps.  They give tips on all sorts of different positions and the like.

Hopefully some bees here can help, but I think the “up and down” motion is what works.  You want to work your way up and down the shaft and it means using your thigh muscles to help move.  It’s not really backward/forward or grinding, because that won’t make him go in and out of you in that position, just side to side. 

And if girl on top isn’t working, why doesn’t he choose a different position?

Post # 5
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@missrobots:  All of this, plus, ask for his input. Ask what HE likes from you while you’re on top. Chances are it’ll be awesome for you as well, and knowing he enjoys it is an added extra.

Post # 6
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’ve never been with anyone except my FH either and he never gets frustrated with me. Have you two had a calm conversation about this outside the heat of the moment? He needs to tell you what he likes, doesn’t like, what he expects, etc. There has to be an open line of communication between you. 

It’s not very difficult for him to teach you how to do things in the heat of the moment, by using his hands to “guide” you or his words to explain things. It can really be pretty sexy. Again, communication is critical. It seems to me like that’s the problem here and not that you’re inexperienced at sex. 

Post # 8
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

When Fiance and I have sex, I move, girate at my own rythm of what feels good for ME, especially when i”m on top. He enjoys thoroughly to watch me enjoying him, if that makes sense. Maybe try not trying to have him enjoy it and you do what feels good for you? ..I reread what I wrote and realize it kind of sounds goofy, but hopefully you get what I’m trying to say? I know it kind of sounds selfish but it seems that you may be trying too hard and he can sense that, just let go and enjoy! If you’re comfortable watching porn to get an idea of what may be helpful then go for it, just take into account that those women are paid to look like they are enjoying themselves and may not actually be enjoying it, just faking. Porn is fantasy, not necessarily reality and should only be used as a loose guideline of what to do. Maybe even have him watch porn with you and have him point out some things he wants to try? hope some of this helps, i do know some porn sights that may be helpful and have never given my phone or computer viruses and completely free, PM me if you would like those links. Again, only go the porn route if it’s truly something you want to try and your SO is okay with, or may want to join in with. Fair warning, some porn sights have some crazy sh*t on them so be prepared to see some things you never even thought of! 🙂

Post # 9
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you’re having a hard time keeping rhythm, why not try having him put his hands on your hips and guide you into the rhythm he likes.  DH does that with me on occasion and I have found it really helps me not be so self-conscious when I’m on top.

And if you’re on top and facing him, it should be EASY for him to provide you with some manual stimulation to either your breasts or your clitoris.  Tell him you want that!

Post # 11
11394 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

You guys should pre heat the oven first. Not for 5 minutes but, total make out & fooling around for a good 15 minutes. Switch positions more often. Stop in between switching positions & have some more fun for 5 minutes or so before going back to sex. The best way to relax (for me) is with him on top so I can open my legs as wide as possible & literally just relax everything down there.

Something else they may help is let him do you doggy style (not talking anal) & rub your self with your fingers while he does it. That can really help you reach the big O, to help you feel good, since you say you are not.

Post # 13
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@upsetbeee:  only about half of women can reach orgasm threw penetration, so that is not uncommon.  Other than his hand have you thought about using a vibrator inbetween you?  They have some very small powerful ones that are made for the female on top position. 

Post # 14
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Read this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060834390/ref=oh_details_o04_s00_i00 

And this: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Tips-Straight-Women-Gay/dp/0060392320/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0

Though I also think you should be masturbating so you’ll be more comfortable with your own body. I’m not sure porn will help you necessarily (it may be overwhelming, to be honest), but maybe seek out some good erotica — which will also help you get more comfortable with sex in general. 

Post # 16
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@upsetbeee:  What you are experiencing (lack of stimulation during penetration) is perfectly normal.  Think about it this way: if the vagina were full of nerves, childbirth would hurt even more than it already does.  The clitoris is how women usually orgasm, and it’s not located in a place that sees a lot of action in typical penetration.

I don’t recommend porn because it tends to be male-centric and convey the idea that women are constantly orgasming from penetration alone. 

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