(Closed) TMI, but I need sex help

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

How much foreplay do you guys do?  Most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone so often times extra foreplay is necessary to make sex more enjoyable for us women overall.

It also helps you get more warmed-up and lubricated down there so that penetration is more comfortable.  And if you still aren’t completely comfortable, a little lube can do wonders!

Post # 4
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

@Smiley Bee:  Sex used to be really really uncomfortable for me and when we’d do it all I thought about was the pain that was about to come instead of relaxing and enjoying it. I think it hurts worse if your body tenses up bc your so afraid of the pain. Nowwhen we do it we do stuff to really turn eachother on and just relax and be comfortable and that’s when it’s amazing. Also have him rub you while your doing it. It makes a hugeeee difference!

Post # 7
Member
3667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would suggest getting a vibrator and/or spending some time exploring yourself and what feels good. The more you know about what turns you on, the more you can help him help you 😉

Post # 8
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d recommend going to speak to your dr/gyno about it. Otherwise if you are too shy, definitely try and use lube and see how you go with that. This might sound silly but try a glass of wine before hand too, just to “loosen” you up. If nothing happens…I really would see your dr/gyno because it could be something easy fixed!

Post # 10
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Smiley Bee:  No, I can imagine. I think you’re probably just a little stressed about it, that can make your vaginal muscles tense and that in turn can make it uncomfortable. I’ve heard that girls who are raised in very religious homes (like no sex before marriage: sex is taboo kind of thing) they can have guilty feelings when they are having sex (even after marriage) and this can cause things to “clamp up” if you know what I mean. Basically, I think it just makes the whole ordeal no enjoyable. I’m not saying this is what you are going through at all. Just if there is anything there at the back of your mind it can make you stress a little. Try the glass of wine before hand, and just take it slow.

Post # 11
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I second talking to your gyno just to rule any physical issues out.  Have you tried to talk to Fiance about it?  I’m sure he would want to know what he can do to make sex better for you.  The other bees have good ideas about the lube and toys. Good luck to you!

Post # 13
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Smiley Bee:  I would say that is what it is then 🙁 I think it’s such a shame that religious families do this to their kids. I’m also from a religious home and my story is pretty much identical. My best friend is now married and says that she still feels like having sex with her husband is a dirty thing some how. I guess it’s just a matter of trying to change your thinking. I don’t think there would be anything physically wrong with you, it’s just because you’re feeling guilty or bad or perhaps stressing about falling pregnant or something like that. It’s pretty sad really, I’m sure our parents thought they were doing the best for us, but those guilt feelings are just not nice at all.

I would still try the glass of wine and try to relax, put on some music and just go with the flow, try and re-program your thinking if at all possible. Sex is a beautiful thing not in anyway dirty or something that should be looked down on. It’s the celebration of the love between your Fiance and you.

Post # 14
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Smiley Bee:  Hey, i have this problem too, with it hurting and all. Its a pretty sensitive area and the skin can tear really easily. The only thing that can help is plent of foreplay, or use lube, although i find using lube doesnt stop it from hurting if you’re not adiquately warmed up. 

Post # 15
Member
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have you say you should explore yourself I know you think it is akward and everything but you need to be able to loosen up and if you cant do that on your own then I belive you will not be able to loosen up with Fiance. Take a nice long bath and explore even if it is just for a minute you have to start some where 🙂

Post # 16
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with exploring yourself and getting to know your own body. The more you know yourself and your likes and dislikes, the easier it’ll be to show him what works. I think part of the clamping up (if not all of it) is psychosomatic, it sounds like you have a lot of anxiety surrounding it. A glass of wine probably actually couldn’t hurt. 

If you find that there is simply nothing that pleases you, then perhaps it IS a physical issue and it’s time to see a gyno. But I would give self-pleasure a try first. 

The topic ‘TMI, but I need sex help’ is closed to new replies.

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