(Closed) TMI! Do you tell your husband you're "faking" it?

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Do you tell your husband you 'fake' it?
    Yes, I've told him/I do tell him because I want to be 100% honest with him in terms of our intimacy : (40 votes)
    14 %
    No, I don't tell him because I don't want him to feel embarrassed and am okay with faking : (117 votes)
    42 %
    Other (pls explain!) : (120 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 48
    48 posts

    I’ve haven’t been able to orgasm with my SO, but I’ve never faked it. 

    Post # 49
    1789 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I faked it with non-serious boyfriends, because you know how men and their egos are. But my SO would be able tosee right through me if I wasnt, and if I dont finish I tell him. And we either do it again or he pays attention to…me. 😉

    Post # 50
    1789 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @poppygirl16:  Why dont you tell him that you need to experiement with “new things/moves” so you both can work on you finishing, and maybe if you actually communicate with him this time, you can sweep your lies under the rug.

    Post # 51
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    You need to tell him if you ever want to have a satisfactory sex life. And once you tell him, you need to be honest DURING SEX about what is and is not doing it for you. Otherwise, how can he know? If you’re faking it when what he’s doing isn’t actually getting you off, you’re reinforcing him doing the wrong thing.

    I’ve actually never faked it… I don’t see the point.

    Post # 52
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I do not fake it with my husband, I tell him what he needs to do to make me feel good and he knows I can’t “O” with intercourse all the time.

    Post # 53
    1354 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

    OP – i actually do not think you should tell him you’ve been faking it all these years.  I think that would be a huge blow to his ego and in the back of his mind he’ll always wonder if you’re faking it or not.  I would take the approach of trying something new.  Like, the next time he’s doing his thing, just don’t fake it… let him go on for awhile and then say “i dont think its going to happen this way, let’s try this instead”.  It may actually take a few “sessions” for you to be able to orgasm.  I would just tell him that what used to work for you doesn’t quite get the job done anymore.  (oral does absolutely nothing for me either so i know what you’re talking about!!) I’m usually all for honesty, but i think finding out something like this after so much time has passed could really embarrass him.  Good luck and be sure and update us!!

    Post # 54
    495 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I dont have g-spot orgasms.. I never have and never will Im sure. He’s known this since before we met in person. I dont fake it because I dont need too and quite frankly, faking is ridiculous IMO.

    Im all clitoral and its really hard to fake that because I would never allow an orgasm to not happen from it once hes started working on it LOL If hes not doing something thats working for me, I will guid him and change it. Its all about communication.

    Post # 55
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @poppygirl16:  Don’t fake it. We do “just for you’s” when I don’t feel like it. He’s ok with it and so am I.

    Post # 56
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I always have at least one real orgasam per session, usually two but I do fake a couple beyond that to help him finish. My Fiance lasts forever and when I’m done I fake a few more and it helps him finish. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it just because I always get off so the fakes are just part of me getting him off I guess lol. In OPs case…stop faking!! You should be able to orgasm with SO!

    Post # 57
    485 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    How long have you been with him?  If you’ve been faking orgasms for *years* and ALL OF A SUDDEN out of the blue you start not having an orgasm I think it will freak out your husband.

    I would advocate honesty, in this situation.  You obviously feel a bit dishonest, and I think even if you stop…. you are still going to feel like you’ve still been dishonest.


    Plus – he’s CLEARLY not doing what it will take to make you have an orgasm…. so how will that work.  All of a sudden you stop having an orgasm and then you start giving him pointers on what it will take?  I think you’re asking for trouble and miscommunication.  If you just tell the truth, at least the two of you have a shot to open up honest healthy communication about your sex life.


    So, I think you need to sit down and say you have something to tell him.  That you’re not proud of what you’ve been doing and that it’s been dishonest.


    I’ve never understood the premise of faking an orgasm…….  It’s such a diservice to both of you.  If you’re going to have a healthy sex life with your husband that starts with honesty.

    Post # 58
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Other… I’ve never faked it. I’ve told him if I wasn’t going to he able to orgasm for whatever reason (sick, not in the mood, etc) but I would never fake it. 

    Post # 59
    449 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Don’t fake it. If it doesn’t happen, it just doesn’t. If I were to fake it, he would think what he did was working, when it obviously does not. We’re open with each other, which makes for great sex 😉 

    Post # 60
    118 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’ve been in your situation. I love my SO and I love having sex with him (in fact, I innitiate around 90% of our sexy times) but it takes several months for me to be able to orgasm with a partner. So rather than hurt his ego about not being able to get me off (since it’s not his fault) I faked in the beginning of our relationship.

    My suggestion: Stop faking durning foreplay and don’t get as “excited” as you did in the past when he does the ‘meh’ moves. But before things stop being hot and heavy, move his hand/face/whatever to a place that feels better. (In my situation I actually “helped” his hand with the motion I wanted before letting him take over.) And then just go wild. Leave him in no doubt that this thing drives you wild. He’ll be more than happy to repeat the motion in the future to get a simular response out of you.

    And then, gradually do the same thing during sex. Subtly show him what you like, give lots of good feedback and faking will become a thing of the past.

    Post # 61
    2831 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I have never faked it. I think it’s impossible to fake it as a woman really.

    He needs to know what turns you on and what you like. STOP FAKING!!  You are just hurting him and yourself. Down the road years from now he will still be doing the same things he has been and it wont be working for you. It will turn into a lifetime of faking!

    Post # 62
    2123 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

    I’ve never faked. Of course there have been times when I couldn’t get off for whatever reason, and I’m just honest and say ‘Awww I just can’t seem to get there today, but it felt really amazing, okay.. your turn now!’ or something.

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