Post # 1
Ladies, have a question for you about sex. I was married for 20 years and my ex husband was always into all kinds of stuff. When things were good in the marriage, we changed positions, tried new things, switched up bedroom routines, etc. Never anything super kinky, but enough to keep things mixed up and our sessions usually lasted about 15-30 minutes of intercourse, not including foreplay.
So, the ex bf (the one I just left 2 months ago) was not a long lasting guy. Our sex was more sensual and connected and slow. He hardly ever wanted to do more than 2 positions. Our actual intercourse lasted probably anywhere from 3-7 minutes. I hardly ever got even close to warmed up before he was finishing and he didn’t have the patience to get me off but since sex was one of the main ways I connected with him, I guess I put my own needs aside. He was OK with the foreplay depending on his energy level.
So, 3 weeks ago I hooked up with a friend who is also single. We agreed to a friends with benefits kind of thing. We’ve known each other for a while and got flirty with each other and decided to give it a go. He’s coming off a break up with his last gf of 2 years and I’m coming out of my relationship so neither of us is ready for anything serious. Anyway, the sex was a POUNDING. It was good and we seemed to connect well, etc but I felt like my pelvic bone was bruised and my vagina was sore but I’m not used to condoms, either. He changed positions on me like 4 times and afterwards he was ready to go again right away! So, the twice in one night was new to me! Totally not used to it. I’ve never sweat so much during sex…..well, probably not since my marriage was in a good place and that was MANY years ago and so far in the past that I actually can’t remember it!
After talking to a few girlfriends, I know that not all people like the same things in bed, obviously. Some girlfriends said they love sex like that. Others have said that they’d need a better mix of sensuality mixed with a pounding, lol. I think I’d be looking for a happy medium when I start dating again. The pounding and sore vagina sex is fun but on a regular basis, I’m not sure my body can handle that, lol. If you find a guy like that, can you teach them to slow it down and work on a compromise and get them to comply? Especially if you might like them and be compatible with them outside of the bedroom?
Post # 2
If you and this person agreed to a FWB-type situation then he may associate a more sensual sex with love
or a monogamous relationship, if that’s what he’s used to, so he may associate that kind of sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy. Just a thought, not to say it’s right or wrong at all. I just mean maybe that’s not the only kind of sex he’s into
Post # 3
I agree with the pp: if I am FWB with someone, there are certain sex acts or “types” of sex that I typically will not do, because they are simply better reserved for someone who you trust and know on a more personal or intimate level, or because they could lead to emotional bonding (which I’m trying to avoid). For instance, role playing would just be awkward with a one night stand whose personality you don’t know. And, with regards to your question, I won’t do slower, sensual sex with a FWB because there’s a greater chance of one of us getting emotionally attached from that.
So it may not be that he isn’t capable of more sensual sex, but rather that he tends to reserve that for serious relationships. I don’t know if you think this has the potential to develop into a more serious relationship down the road, but if you think so, then it might be worth talking about at some point to see if you will be sexually compatible. Maybe have a general conversation about turn-ons, favorite positions, etc. and see if it comes up. Or, when you’re getting busy, you could tell him you’re getting kind of sore and ask if he’s able to slow things down or be a bit gentler, and see how he handles that.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
UGH, I wrote this response twice and the boards keep eating it!!
But the gist is this: if a guy won’t take your feedback about what you like in bed, don’t fuck him. Full stop. You can compromise, you can do your thing one night and his the next, you can find other ways to get each other off that don’t involve pounding the hell out of your tender ladyzones … but you need to be able to use your mouth (no, not like that, I mean communicate!) Communication is key to good relationships, both sexual and not. Tell him what you like and don’t like. Don’t say, “Are you able to do this?” Say, “I need XYZ to enjoy sex. Let’s try that.” If he balks, dump him.
I’ve been with a fair number of guys, and I like to try lots of different things. I tell them about it. Most guys want their partner to have a good time and are more than willing to comply. If they balk, or say “Sorry I have just always done it this way and will only do it this way,” then we’re a bad match and that’s the last time I sleep with them. Be your own advocate! Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. And have fun 🙂
Post # 5
I started typing up a response about FWB, but then remembered that you said “when I start dating again.” After re-reading the OP, I can’t tell if you’re asking for advice about getting the FWB guy to slow down, or how to address it if this comes up with guys you’re dating in the future. Can you clarify please?
Post # 6
- Wedding: County courthouse
Tell him to start slow so your vagina can comfortably expand and stretch and also properly lubercate. This way pounding will be more pleasurable. My hubby always starts with slow and short thrusts. Then once I’m used to that he pounds. I love pounding sex. Slow and steady does nothing for me.
Post # 7
If he’s hurting you then you need to tell him. Slowing down doesn’t necessarily mean sensual. Tell him to ease up a bit for the sake of your vagina.
Post # 8
Giiiiirl you better say something before he rips that meow meow wide open!!
Post # 9
Seriously though, ef that, not for an FWB.
And if he says “no” just go ahead & remove that “WB” REAL quick.
Post # 10
Ladies, I gave it another shot with him last night and I intiated the action, he responded in kind. He also told me he was sorry he hurt me and was more responsive this time around to my cues. I do not want this to become an emotional bonding thing, either. We’re friends but we can still enjoy sex, too.
As for the pounding, I have to admit I like it but just not for the entire time and I had to work with him using my body responses or changing positions to get him to change rhythym. I’ve talked to him about it and if we go there again in the future, I’ll be clear. To be honest, sex is fun with him and way more varied than what I was doing with my ex bf, so I am getting a chance to explore my sexualtiy again, which I’m grateful for!
As for the sensual sex and more connected stuff, yes, I think I was thinking of the future and how I’d handle it if this were to come up with someone else when I start to date again. I’m just testing the waters with a new partner and this guy fits what i need right now. No commitment, no expectations, and he’s a really sweet guy who’d give me the shirt off his back. So, I don’t regret having a little fun with him.