TMI: Sex

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

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andromeda99 :  If you and this person agreed to a FWB-type situation then he may associate a more sensual sex with love or a monogamous relationship, if that’s what he’s used to, so he may associate that kind of sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy. Just a thought, not to say it’s right or wrong at all. I just mean maybe that’s not the only kind of sex he’s into

Post # 3
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I agree with the pp: if I am FWB with someone, there are certain sex acts or “types” of sex that I typically will not do, because they are simply better reserved for someone who you trust and know on a more personal or intimate level, or because they could lead to emotional bonding (which I’m trying to avoid). For instance, role playing would just be awkward with a one night stand whose personality you don’t know. And, with regards to your question, I won’t do slower, sensual sex with a FWB because there’s a greater chance of one of us getting emotionally attached from that.

So it may not be that he isn’t capable of more sensual sex, but rather that he tends to reserve that for serious relationships. I don’t know if you think this has the potential to develop into a more serious relationship down the road, but if you think so, then it might be worth talking about at some point to see if you will be sexually compatible. Maybe have a general conversation about turn-ons, favorite positions, etc. and see if it comes up. Or, when you’re getting busy, you could tell him you’re getting kind of sore and ask if he’s able to slow things down or be a bit gentler, and see how he handles that. 

Post # 4
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

UGH, I wrote this response twice and the boards keep eating it!!

But the gist is this: if a guy won’t take your feedback about what you like in bed, don’t fuck him. Full stop. You can compromise, you can do your thing one night and his the next, you can find other ways to get each other off that don’t involve pounding the hell out of your tender ladyzones … but you need to be able to use your mouth (no, not like that, I mean communicate!) Communication is key to good relationships, both sexual and not. Tell him what you like and don’t like. Don’t say, “Are you able to do this?” Say, “I need XYZ to enjoy sex. Let’s try that.” If he balks, dump him.

I’ve been with a fair number of guys, and I like to try lots of different things. I tell them about it. Most guys want their partner to have a good time and are more than willing to comply. If they balk, or say “Sorry I have just always done it this way and will only do it this way,” then we’re a bad match and that’s the last time I sleep with them. Be your own advocate! Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. And have fun 🙂

Post # 5
Member
9081 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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andromeda99 :  I started typing up a response about FWB, but then remembered that you said “when I start dating again.” After re-reading the OP, I can’t tell if you’re asking for advice about getting the FWB guy to slow down, or how to address it if this comes up with guys you’re dating in the future. Can you clarify please?

Post # 6
Member
2723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

Tell him to start slow so your vagina can comfortably expand and stretch and also properly lubercate. This way pounding will be more pleasurable. My hubby always starts with slow and short thrusts. Then once I’m used to that he pounds. I love pounding sex. Slow and steady does nothing for me.

Post # 7
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

 If he’s hurting you then you need to tell him. Slowing down doesn’t necessarily mean sensual. Tell him to ease up a bit for the sake of your vagina. 

Post # 8
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Giiiiirl you better say something before he rips that meow meow wide open!! 

Post # 9
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

 Seriously though, ef that, not for an FWB.

And if he says “no” just go ahead & remove that “WB” REAL quick.

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