Post # 1
We’re having a no child wedding. All of our guests are pretty much over the age of 25 and in relationships, and those who do have kids have small children. We are giving all single guests a +1, except for a few circumstances. Family members with recently deceased spouses (I asked Mother-In-Law about an “and guest” and she advised me no as the spouse deaths were recent and she didn’t want to be rude/insensitve about that), a friend who at 29 has NEVER so much as had a date.
My stepmom’s BFF is on the list but I feel like I need to also include their 3 older kids. Their oldest is married, so that’s a given. They have two college aged kids who I origionally had down as singles w/ no plus one (assuming they’d all make the 10 hour trip as a family). I just realized both have a boyfriend/girlfriend. It pains me to add two more people to my already giant guest list. I never see these people, the kids are an obligatory invite anyway.
I know etiquette says anyone in a relationship should be invited and guest, what is your opinon on college kids?
Post # 3
@starfish0116: As a college age kid I would be surprised to be invited to a wedding that was my mom’s best friend’s daughter’s wedding. I would survive without a date, and would honestly probably not attend unless it was during a break and I had nothing better to do.
We have some parents with college age children invited, but thats because Fiance is friends with the parents and the children. The only time he doesn’t know someone well is if he is inviting the parents and their 3 kids, and happens to be good friends with the oldest. The younger ones are in high school though so we did not want to leave them out.
How well do you really know the kids? Would you be upset if you weren’t invited to their wedding? Were you invited to the oldest married one’s wedding? I know that attendance at past events doesn’t require an invite, but if you didn’t go to their wedding, why would you invite them to yours? (I know you explained why, I’m just saying I personally would not have extended the invitation that far, so I would not extend it further to include dates.)
Post # 4
@asscherlover: I personally didn’t get an invite to the oldest daughter’s wedding. My dad, stepmom, and sister were invited, and stepmom/sister attended. I don’t know if it was a blanket family invite or not but one did not personally show up to my home. I know the children, have known them for the past 13 years since my dad/stepmom have been together but only interact with them on a limited basis when them come into town maybe once a year. Unless their school/work schedule prohibits them from coming, I would assume they would come as I live in a resort area that they like to vacation as a family to.
I think I’m going to invite them as singles w/ no guest. In fact, I think I might even invite them as a family (married daughter/DH getting their own invite).
Post # 5
@starfish0116: Actually, etiquette really does not say that. Etiquette says that both members of couples who are married or engaged or who are living together must be invited. There is no requirement whatsoever to invite the significant others or dates of the remainder of your guests, regardless of how long they may have been dating or how serious they may feel that their relationships may be.
Also, although it is permissible to write “and guest,” this is considered to be a more informal, casual approach to addressing invitations, and you may find yourself in a situation like many bees who end up with guests trying to invite OTHER guests when the former girlfriends or boyfriends of their invited guests are no longer planning to attend. The best and cleanest way to handle this is to find out the names of any specific guests that you would like to include and to send them their own invitations.
Post # 6
If you are going to invite the children (though I certainly don’t think you have to), you should find out the names of their “and guests” and invite them by name.
But Brielle is right, you don’t have to invite guests for anyone who isn’t a social unit (married, living together, engaged).
Post # 7
If you don’t really know these kids, I wouldn’t invite them. If I were the college student, I’d be surprised to be invited to some strangers’ wedding just because my mom was.
Post # 8
I agree that you’re not obligated to invite any of the children of your stepmother’s BFF. It would be easier to just not invite the children, I think. And some traditional ettiquette does dictate that only people who are living together, engaged, married need to be invited as a couple, but I think some common-sense etiquette states that people can’t necessarily judge how serious one relationship is to another (I had 2 friends who moved in together after 3 months, and another friend of mine just get engaged to her boyfriend of 5 years that she never lived with. If I had to choose who was more serious in that scenario, it wouldn’t be the ones who moved in together). But in this scenario… the kids will feel happy that they are off the hook and your stepmom can enjoy having her close friend there.