- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I’ve been reading this thread and have been tempted to comment for the last couple of days.
You write like you are seventeen, and most of your attitudes seem similar to mine when I was seventeen (I was a VERY conservative Christian). That’s ok. You are seventeen, it’s fine to be seventeen, but please realize that most seventeen and eighteen year olds are not ready for marriage, and most also believe they are the exception. It sounds like you could be in the courtship/biblical patriarchy movement, which does push early marriage, but still, a 21 year old is usually much more mature than a teenager.
The haughtiness that you have displayed toward people far older and wiser than you, when they don’t say exactly what you want them to further confirms this. (“my dear”/ stop reading when someone says they drank and then going on to explain why you are so much stronger than that etc). This doesn’t make you bad, it makes you a normal seventeen year old. I thought I had way more sussed out when I was seventeen as well.
You cannot separate initial financial independence from maturity. Yes, there may be situations where adults move back in with their parents (an example that has happened with a lot of friends is moving home for a couple of moths to get their bearings after moving overseas for a few years), but that is extremely different to never having been financially independent, which you haven’t. When I was your age, not only did I pay for my own clothes, transportation, entertainment etc, I also worked a part time job and paid for a month long school trip to Thailand. I was the perfect example of a teen who was responsible with money, but it was still SUCH a big learning curve moving out of home. There are always unexpected things. One example for me was that I slipped through my shower door. Not only did that cause injury, it also mean’t I was faced with a bill for almost 2 weeks income. I saved what I could, but when your income is low it limits your savings. Two or three incidents and it becomes a BIG problem.
Also be aware that international relationships a hard. I’m marrying someone from a different country, and, unless you both have dual citizenship, chances are you will have to sort visas at some point. As someone who has worked in three different countries, and has travelled far too much, I can still attest that long term visas related to marriage are long and difficult, and, as I’m K1, require a significant period of separation from my Fiance, which is REALLY hard. I know you said you wouldn’t go K1, but be aware all visas have their different difficulties.
I’m not trying to sound mean. Once you hit 18, it’s your life, you make your decisions, but please listen to older people, they know more than you assume.