Post # 122
In the past people got married in their early teens because
A) life was much shorter
B) if you were a woman your life consisted of: having children/doing housework (if you were poor) and for men a wife wasn’t a partner to share your life with but only someone who would bring a dowry, give them an heir, keep the house in order. They looked for love and partnership elsewhere.
C) marriage wasn’t about love, it was about convenience.
Also divorce rates weren’t as high because divorce was illegal. And even when it became legal it took a while for it to become socially exceptable not to mention the fact that most wives were not financially indipendent which often means they were stuck in abusive/unhappy marriages for want of a better option.
Do we seriously think this is a good reason to get married young?
There are many good reasons to get married whatever your age, but the fact that it used to be normal is not one of them. I don’t think a time when women had no right or choice over their lives and where treated as little more than baby making factories should be used as an example.
Post # 123
In response to your post
A. Life was shorter back in those days but it can still be short for many in our days. You are never guaranteed a tomorrow. People pass away at a young age all the time by illness, accidents, crime, and many other things. It happens.
B. Women were care takers and homebodies. It’s what they were accustomed to, it’s what they wanted because it’s what they knew. This kind of thing is going on everywhere even today. And the women don’t argue and they like the way things are because it’s their custom and it’s their belief.
C. It may have been convenient but there had always been marriage for love as well as convenience as it is today. MANY people today get married because they see the benefits over the love. Because one person is financially stable, because one person has medical, because they want to get their visa, there are lots of reasons even today that people get married for convenience over love. And not everyone in the past looked for “love elsewhere” many were happy with the way things were and were happy with their relationship. They would often seek out another partner because their wife could not produce a baby and they needed an heir and it wasn’t always for love. And again even in todays day, many people seek love elsewhere. People are cheating on their spouses everywhere.
And divorce wasn’t illegal in all cultures in the past. It was just harder to obtain. It had to be for specific reasons like desertion. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It made people work through their issues instead of just walking away.
Yes it’s a good thing that we have rights now, yes it’s a good thing that now we can leave a spouse for abuse or cheating or many other things we should not have to put up with, but these issues have been around since the beginning and are still around today.
And even today in some states you can get married at the age of 16. Do I think it’s responsible to get married at 16? No because I know having teenage love and terrible relationships is not the way to go but do I think that everyone had the same experiences as me and no one is capeable of making a marriage work because they were married at 16? No.
And financial stability seems to be the number one reason people are saying no and to wait. And that just seems insane to me. My fiance and I were not financially stable for a while. We were living on Ramen for a few months at one point. But we were still happy and blissfully in love. The problem is that everyone is ALLOWING money to ruin their marriage and relationship. If you both strive to make your lives better, money shouldn’t be an option when it comes to divorce. It adds stress when you have money issues but money doesn’t create happiness. I would take being dirt broke for the rest of m y life with a man that makes me happy over being wealthy and miserable in my relationship. But we are working on making more money to support our future children.
Post # 124
To be honest the problem here is not being poor or rich but being financially indipendent. You can be poor but still be able to survive on your own and that’s fine, if you have to rely on your parents then it’s better to wait.
The other stuff I can’t even be bothered to reply to.
Post # 125
I’m in a similar situation. I am 19 and will be marrying my Fiance (22) next summer. I went to university to become a preschool teacher and worked my butt off to finish early. He is still in school finishing up his bachelors. Money will be tight for the first few months after the wedding but we are determined to make it work. I can’t imagine being a newlywed and living at a parents house with thin walls (if you know what I mean!). I hope you guys can make it work too! Good luck and God bless!