(Closed) To all of you that are already married – Did any of you HATE your wedding day?

posted 3 years ago in Recaps
Post # 61
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Assuming something insane doesn’t happen (like death or a natural disaster) I think the only people who hate their wedding day are people who either didn’t want the wedding to begin with (like others who have said they wanted to elope but had the wedding for family’s sake) or who had crazy expectations. 

A friend of mine expected to get lots of presents and feel showered with love and stuff. She had a reception (the ceremony was private) but no one danced because the music was really quiet. Basically we just ate lunch and sat around. It was kind of boring and people ended up leaving early. She was super disappointed, even though it was exactly as she planned. I’m not sure why she thought it would be different- she said she wanted it lowkey. But in her head it was going to be super fun without actually providing anything for people to do. She also got really upset that a couple decor items were in the wrong place and some other random small things. She just had it all built up in her head and it made her really see the flaws. 

On the other hand, I didn’t give a rats ass about where exactly things were. I made sure there was enough booze and good music and places for the kids to run around. People had fun and I didn’t stress out about it. I loved my wedding even though I’m sure if I thought about every little thing there were certainly things that went wrong. I just expected things to go wrong so it wasn’t a big deal. 

Post # 62
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 1976 - Newport News City Park at Newport News, VA.

maymrswinks :  I think you’ve made an important point here without realizing it, and that is the effects of too much alcohol consumption too close to ceremony time, and the side effects that may entail. Having an alcohol availability without some kind of control over the quantity delivered the night before the actual ceremony is always a recipe for disaster, as you’ve clearly seen. And there could possibly even be a higher price to pay, in the instance of that one individual who’s always reticent about acknowledging just how much they really have consumed before sitting down behind the wheel to drive home. 

Now, I’m not here to deliver a temperance lecture by any means. What other people choose to do, when, where and how, is pretty much their own business, unless and until it intrudes on the convenience or safety of others. Perhaps the tradition of the “night before the Big Day” dinner party with lots of drinks to lubricate the way is getting to be something it was never intended to be. OR, simply removing the “Open Bar” or unlimited access portion of it is something to consider. Plenty of Rehearsal Dinners have been held with no more than some champagne (or even sparkling cider) after the meal for providing the obligatory toasting, when everyone is full of food and less inclined to directly absorb an abundance of drink, is something that’s been done successfully, and everyone appeared the next day, “bright eyed and bushy tailed” and ready to get the show on the road! I have been to several dinners held that way, and they were deemed quite successful and enjoyable by all who attended, most especially the Bride and Groom! (As well as the person or persons footing the bill for that event!)

If your bridesmaids appeared the next day, bleary eyed, headachy, queasy, and draggletailed from too much indulgence the night before at the rehearsal dinner, then it’s really no surprise they weren’t ready to be the happy, helpful friends you expected to see and count on for the assistance you required. Nobody feels up to being especially helpful to anyone but themselves in that condition.

That doesn’t make it your fault either, because as allegedly responsible adults, they should be able to be counted on to moderate their own drinking so as not to appear in such a state as you described. But, putting it out there, if indeed that was the case, and not the result of their own overindulgence elsewhere and/or later on that night, can be just too much to bear resisting by some people who are accustomed to “partying hearty!”

If the rehearsal dinner was indeed the source of their unpopular and unhelpful conduct the following day, then perhaps others who are still approaching that point can take a lesson from it, and make sure it doesn’t happen to them! In which case, you perhaps have performed an important service here to others, who can stop a moment and take a look at perhaps how wise it may or may NOT be to pay for lots of alcohol TWICE, both on the bill for the dinner, and the “cost” of the after-effects the following day. 

I’m glad that, in the end, you married the love of your life, “and a truly great man” and that you had lovely weather for the occasion. Those things are what’s truly important, although you certainly could have and would have married him anyway, even if the weather was awful! Congratulations to you both on your marriage, which, when it’s all said and done, is always the most important thing there is! It’s said that even after the party is over, everyone has returned to their “normal” lives, the cake and flowers are gone, the photos are in the album, all you have left are two things – your wedding rings and each other! And that’s the most important thing of all, isn’t there?

Post # 63
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

sharid57 :  That was a very thoughtful response, thank you. Actually only two of my bridesmaids were hungover and one really badly so. But it wasn’t from our rehearsal dinner (which was at a tapas restaurant and we only offered beer, wine, and sangrias). Everyone behaved themselves at the dinner as our parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles were present and we were all back at the hotel by 10pm. The problem arose when me, my matron of honor (my older sister), and one of the bridesmaids all went to sleep promptly upon arriving back at the hotel, while the other two bridesmaids proceeded up to the hotel’s rooftop bar for night caps. They woke me up when the returned to our hotel room at 3am! I expected them to be adults, handle themselves and come back at an appropriate time but I did not and could not police 30-something year old women’s drinking habits the night before my wedding. They truly let me down. They saw my wedding weekend as a party getaway rather than the serious (but still fun) occasion it should have been for all involved. 

Brides-to-be should definitely caution their wedding parties on being conservative with their drinking the weekend of but in the end, people are going to do what they want unfortunately and there’s no controlling them. And also, sometimes people just throw you curve balls! I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS could’ve ever imagined these women were going to behave like that. If I had, I would have never asked them to be my attendants. But still overall, my wedding was wonderful…there were just a few blips that still sting a little.

Post # 64
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 1976 - Newport News City Park at Newport News, VA.

 

It’s been said that two occasions bring out the best and the worst in people at the same time – weddings and funerals. As is being shown here, some people just don’t HAVE a “best side” to emphasize in such instances, only their worst.

MILs not being responsible enough to manage their own hair and makeup “doing” and screaming at an already overstressed Bride about it within hours of the Ceremony is one. Future In-Laws who still feel that women should have to “buy their way” into HIS family’s good graces, while completely ignoring the fact that his SON is becoming an important part of her family, is another. Why he possibly would have need of any financial or material contribution that she could bring to the marriage, when most people in this country don’t live that way any longer, in communal, patriarchal, multigenerational households, and all of that needs to be devoted to the establishment of the Bride and Groom’s own personal household, is totally beyond me. Unless there is some symbolic reason behind it, but in any case, the last week prior to the ceremony is certainly no time to bring THAT up, and certainly not in such a confrontational manner!

I’m making a wild guess here that he’s still a part of a very patriarchal, traditional culture, where such things are, or were very recently, still common. I could be way off base about that, but I kind of doubt it. 

It’s the stress of the changing family dynamic that really affects people so severely, and frequently it’s not until we’re down to the wire, that people start flying the flags of their true colors. That can apply to both events, equally well, and equally badly. Some folks function at their best under stressful circumstances, and are generally the leaders and adrenalin junkies, who come to the rescue during such events, making sure that everything functions as well, and as fairly for everyone, when it’s all said and done.

Then there are people, who my Sociology professor in college called “Navel gazers,” who can only look down and in at themselves, and cannot see or acknowledge the fact that other people are around also, and have an equal stake in the proceedings, or even a bigger one sometimes. (Try looking down and in at your own navel, and then see how much of the world around you is visible to you at the same time! Not very much, is there? Hence the title.)

Everything and everyone is “all about them” and they cannot accept the fact that this is rarely the case, so they must do anything they can come up with to try and turn the focus back on themselves. Their needs, wants and desires are the only ones they can validate, and they must try to make others do likewise. Some people would call this more of a case of egoism, egotistical behavior, narcissism, or just pure selfishness. No matter what you label it, it pretty much ends up with the same results. 

Post # 65
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 1976 - Newport News City Park at Newport News, VA.

FutureDrAtkins :  The more crap people hurl at you over alleged, supposed, imagined slights, the more you get to realize what crappy people they were to begin with, what unhappy, crappy lives they must lead, and how much they are not worth the time and energy it takes to worry over them. If someone decides to carry a grudge over something that happened long ago, that is all on them, and none on you. Some people come into your life to be a blessing, and others to be a lesson. 

Post # 66
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 1976 - Newport News City Park at Newport News, VA.

Markinu :  Wait a minute – your photographer was super late to your reception, but STILL left ON TIME and before dinner was ever served?? Nothing going on like tacking on all that late time on to the end and staying to do the job she was obviously paid ON TIME to do properly?

If I were you, I’d be making sure the BBB knows about that, and asking for a partial refund. Outside of an automobile accident, a tornado, a sudden surprise hurricane or flash flood or other “Act of Nature” she’s got no good excuse for that quite unprofessional behavior! 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  sharid57. Reason: Removing duplicate response to a previous comment. Adding the current one
Post # 67
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 1976 - Newport News City Park at Newport News, VA.

maymrswinks :  You are so very welcome! I’m so pleased you took it all in the manner in which it was certainly intended! 

And, no indeed, you should most certainly NOT be required to police the drinking habits of women over the age of 30! That was a very selfish, thoughtless thing they ended up doing to you. And I’m truly sorry that happened to spoil your day. You and your two other companions acted quite appropriately, and your dinner sounds completely lovely and appropriately done. Frequently the presence of older relatives can tend to quell the drinking behavior of people who would otherwise tend to follow their own desires and overdo it. But, to continue drinking late into the night, come stumbling in and waken you at 3:00AM with their antics the night before/morning OF your wedding is bordering on unforgivable. You’re absolutely right – they did see it as an opportunity for an all night free-for-all, instead of an opportunity to participate intimately in a dear friend’s most important day. Unfortunately, it’s doubtful if anyone who finds such behavior acceptable enough to participate in will ever see that they did anything wrong. Sometimes, in the harsh light of day, they might “get it” for a while, but don’t expect it to last long. 

But, now you know where you stand amongst their priorities, and since you certainly didn’t know of it beforehand, you couldn’t possibly be blamed for their shameful conduct. However, having had the experience, you know in the future that they are not likely to be any more reliable now than they really were then. Consider it a lesson learned, move them down your priority list for any future events, and then let it go from your end. Carrying a grudge never (almost never) hurts the target of that grudge, but only you. But, at the end of the day, you are the only one who can determine how much you can “let it go.” 

Bless you and your husband, and I wish you a long and happy life together. 

Post # 68
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Wine & Roses Country Estate

I really didn’t enjoy a good chunk of our wedding. My mom and I fought the whole year leading up to it, and I sacrificed a lot of what was important to me to make her happy. I have anxiety and wanted a small wedding with less than 75 people, but ended up having over 100 including relatives I had specifically asked to not have there. All of that combined with not having any wedding type events leading up to the wedding made me feel a sense of “it can’t really be today, can it?” Which lead to an amazing sense of anxiety, so I struggled to be present and enjoy myself. The first dance, father daughter dance.. everything was hard. The party after all of that was fun and I loved having all my favorite people together in one place. There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and change, but I learned a lot about what I truly value and how I handle stress. Not the best time for a huge life lesson, but a lesson none the less.

Post # 70
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Number of things went wrong on our wedding day(s)

1) Didn’t get the perfect post-ceremony picture with all the bridesmaids and groomsmen, as all family rushed toward the altar. Too much confusion.

2) Mom didn’t like in-laws and complained about them to me whenever she got the chance.

3) Everything went WAY BEYOND the timelines we set before the reception (we had it on a separate day, not the ceremony day). Too much to coordinate, too much pressure.

Hair-do was a COMPLETE disaster initially, I was in tears, until the hairdresser re-did my hair.

 

In the end – guests had a blast, only positive feedback from all.

Photos turned out lovely, the negative really wasn’t captured into them.

Post # 71
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

There were aspects that I didn’t like, but I didn’t hate our wedding. 

I didn’t want to get into my dress until we got to the venue (which had a bridal suite for such purposes) because the dress was very uncomfortable to sit in. But my bridesmaids insisted for photos at my parents house and I agreed as long as I could take it off and drive to the venue. After photots, no one would help me out of my dress (couldn’t get out of it alone). So the 30 minute drive was very uncomfortable, and I was struggling to breathe the whole drive.

I have pretty severe anxiety that makes me feel nauseous. I took Gravol all day and felt a little drowsy but it didn’t help with my stomach. I didn’t eat a thing for fear it would come back up, and only once the first dance was done did I feel better (no more all-eyes-on-me moments after that). By then, all the food was gone, even after asking the caterer to keep a plate aside for me (he forgot). 

We had to clean up that night and I REALLY loved our lights and wanted to keep them. My drunken Brother-In-Law cut the zip ties without thinking and the lights smashed onto the tiles and broke. No more lights..

All the while, I really wanted to get out of my dress. I love love love my dress and had waited to wear it for 2 years, but by the end of the night I had welts all around my rib cage from the inner corset.

Just little things, but it was over all a wonderful day.

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