(Closed) To all the grammatically correct bee’s..

posted 8 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

The thing that strikes me is that it starts off in the first person “I will marry…”, “I will laugh with…” and then it suddenly goes into the third person plural “Together with their parents.” Maybe that’s why it doesn’t feel right?

Post # 4
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

There should not be a comma after “on this day” or “together with their parents.” You only use a comma with a prepositional phrase if there are two or more prepositional phrases in a row.

Post # 5
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think you have to have “and” between two thousand eleven.

Post # 6
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yeah that wording throws me too.  The other thing is you didn’t include your last names (unless you just blurred them out for our sake).  But if you’re not naming the parents, then your last names need to be there, obviously.

If that top part were in a completely different font and clearly separate from the rest of the invitation, it might work.

ETA – I disagree with the comment about the commas, I think they’re fine.  If they’re not there, it’s going to read like a run-on sentence.

Post # 7
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Miss OBG:If that top part were in a completely different font and clearly separate from the rest of the invitation, it might work.

I agree with this!

ETA – I disagree with the comment about the commas, I think they’re fine.  If they’re not there, it’s going to read like a run-on sentence.

And this!

Post # 8
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

The first two lines should be in quotation marks since it is a quote

Post # 9
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

I would take out the comma after parents. 

Post # 10
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with @Jayce.

Post # 11
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

The part that’s throwing me off is “at their marriage.” I don’t think of a ceremony as a marriage. Could you try swapping it for “as they wed”? I’ve seen it a couple times on the board and it always throws me off a bit. However, this could just be my personal preference, as I think this wording is becoming more common.

 

I also think if you’re not including the names/last names of your parents, you need to include you and your fiance’s last names. What if some guests aren’t sure of one of your last names. It may seem weird, but your uncle/second cousin/parent’s friend may not know your fiance’s last name (or spelling).

Post # 12
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve heard it’s two thousand eleven NOT two thousand and eleven.

 

I agree swtiching from first person to third person is odd. Perhaps if you add a period after “love” and perhaps have the first part in a different font so that it looks different than the actual ‘inviting’ part of the invitation. Does that make sense?

Post # 13
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@babylou: Now that I’ve read your comment, this is throwing me a little too.  What about “as they join in marriage” as another alternative, if you still want to have marriage in there?

Post # 14
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

The opening quote seems like it doesn’t belong and then the way the wording is organized with the formal invitation. I don’t think it sounds right to have your names interrupt the inviting of the guests, it just seems off. The quote is really sweet and cute but I just don’t know if it fits. What does your invitation look like? If there is a cover, maybe you could have the quote on the front in quotes so it’s separate.

How about this:

Together with their parents

the honour of your presence is requested

at the marriage of

 

Jessica Lynne

and

Joshua James

 

on Saturday, the ninth of April

Two thousand and eleven

at half past three o’clock in the afternoon

*The grammar and wording are correct because I borrowed them from a friend’s invitation 🙂 When you do formal invites, you spell out everything.

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