(Closed) To all you married bees – tips on enjoying the day?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Try to relax day of, know that if something isn’t perfect you probably can’t do much to fix it, assign other people to fix things instead of you if they can be fixed, and now that at the end of the day you will be married and that’s what matters!! Also I would say make sure you eat something before getting into your dress because once you are in it it may be hard to enjoy eating.

Post # 4
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I’m not really sure we can do much to relieve your concerns – you’re worried about quite a lot, and I don’t think much will calm that until you’re there and in the moment.

My husband’s family is very small. I think his guest list took up 2 tables (MAYBE) – mine took up the remaining 6. No one cared. Everyone had someone to talk to (his family mostly talked to his family, mine mostly talked to mine) and it worked out beautifully. Everyone attending your wedding is an adult – they’re responsible for finding their own entertainment when they arrive. If they sit and want to fuss about how bored they are, let them. If they don’t want to get up and dance, for whatever reason, they have only themselves to blame.

We had a few people who RSVPed, then called the day of. My uncle’s entire family didn’t come and canceled 2 hours before the wedding. One of my mother-in-law’s friends was in the hospital. It was no sweat off my back. Yes, it was annoying that we had to pay for them regardless. But life happens.

My husband and I set up our wedding so that we had a fair amount of downtime together. From the moment the ceremony happened, it was back-to-back action (got married, ate, entrance, first dance, FOB/daughter dance, MOG/son dance, bouquet toss, garter toss, then cake cutting). We got married at 6:30 and we were done with all of the ‘big’ events by about 8:30. Then, we had 3 – 4 hours just to sit, talk, mingle with people, etc.

We made a promise to each other that we would at least talk during dinner (we had a sweetheart table, which helped) and that we would eat cake together. I probably got to spend an hour solid with him that night.

And if things go wrong, at the end of the day, no one’s going to notice much or care. My uncle was DJing a few things for us and the CDs would skip or obviously crackle. We laughed it off. It’s out of our control – what else can we do?

My chest was all hanging out in my dress. There was a mishap with my dress, so we ended up having to order a size larger (already a little too large). Then, I got very sick about 2 weeks before the wedding and lost about 8 pounds. Needless to say, there wasn’t much support in that dress! I was self-conscious, but thankfully that’s what shawls are for. They can cover quite a bit.

Really, it’s going to turn out fine.

Post # 5
4097 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Lillyrose:  make sure you eat with him. Even if it’s just for a few minutes to take a break from mingling. That’s what got me through the day.

Post # 6
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Do you have a wedding coordinator? Someone who will make sure things are going as planned the day of?  I know it helped me relax to know someone else was watching the timeline for me and making sure I was where I needed to be, guests were fed, my husband I were fed, and everything was being taken care of.  As far as worrying about everyone else, don’t.  They’re adults and if they’re thirsty I’m sure they can find their way to the bar for a drink, if they want to dance they will, and if they want to have a good time they’ll figure out how to without you having to entertain them.  It’s your day and just focus on that.  Figure you’ll spend time with your husband eating, taking pictures, and possibly on the dance floor.  We didn’t have a lot of alone time on our wedding day but I was fine with that.  I was with him, with our guests.  We walked around to the tables together, danced together with our friends and family, and then spent a week alone together after the wedding.

Post # 7
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I was worried as well, but I just had to let things go the day of.  Focus on being with your husband, being with your loved ones, and trying to be “in the moment.”  In the end, some things likely will go wrong – but you’ll be the only one who notices, and if you dwell on it you’ll just be ruining the day for yourself.  

Our caterer mixed up what we selected (swapped the sides that were supposed to go with each meal choice), our DJ mixed up some of my playlist requests, and people showed up that weren’t even invited (some of DH’s friends), but I just had to let it go – in the end, it didn’t matter.  All that matters at the end of the day is that you’re married to the person you love, and that the people who are there want to celebrate your love.

And, actually, things can go majorly wrong and turn out for the best.  Our chapel roof caved in two days before the wedding, and we had to re-arrange things to have the ceremony in the same building as the reception.  I think it actually ended up being better than what was planned.  So, even though it’s easier said than done, just try to let go of any problems and be in the moment as much as possible.  You won’t remember all those tiny details years from now – you’ll remember your joy and the outpouring of love from everyone present.

Post # 8
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Oh, and OP, I totally get the self-conscious thing.  I loved my dress, but I hate being the center of attention.  I made myself nauseous with my nervousness all day leading up to the ceremony.  Do your best to calm down and realize that you’re lovely, and even if you hate people watching you, it’s just one day Smile

Post # 9
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I second @redhead46:  about the coordinator.  I planned everything in advance down to the minute, then gave all my plans to the day-of coordinator and just let it go.  We ran roughly ten minutes behind all day (who cares), and I just had fun, talked to people, and let others worry about the details.  If you dance, other people will dance.  If you drink and laugh and enjoy yourself, other people will too.  Just the decision in advance to enjoy your party, because you’re really not hosting it when you’re there, so you don’t need to take on that stress.  Have fun!

Oh, and as far as spending time with your husband:  we had to spend time alone together after the ceremony (Jewish wedding), and it was so nice to take a minute.  We had been doing pictures for the couple hours before, then got married, then went off together, drank champagne, and did the “ohmygod, we’re married” thing.  We definitely talked to separate groups periodically during the night, but we ate together, we danced a lot, and I was so grateful for those few minutes of absolute aloneness right after the ceremony.  So I’d recommend that too.

Post # 10
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Let it all go. Easier said than done. Something will go wrong, and that is okay. I had a total of 10 people on my side come to the wedding, and his side has WAY more than that. Everything turned out perfect though.

One piece of advice for the day of your wedding. Our minister told me this during our meetings before the wedding and it was the best advice ever.  When you get ready to walk down the aisle, focus in on your groom. ONLY look at him the entire time…walking down the aisle, during the ceremony etc. I did not look at one guest when I walked down the aisle or during our ceremony. We both just got lost in each other and it was magical. If you lock eyes with your soon to be husband, nothing else in the world matters (like who is in attendance, the decorations, etc.). For the reception, hold hands with your husband as much as you can, this will ensure you stay together and enjoy the evening TOGETHER as a couple.

Post # 11
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Here’s the thing…by the time your wedding gets here, you will have done everything in your power to make sure things go the way that you want them to so at that point, you just have to take a deep breath and take things a step at a time throughout the day.  For example, the morning of our wedding, instead of freaking out about getting married, I did things step by step…9am: eat breakfast, have some coffee, relax and giggle with my BM’s, 10am: take a shower…focusing on the task at hand totally helped me stay focused on what needed to be done right then instead of worrying about getting to the ceremony on time, wondering where my mom was, freaking out that my guests were going to get lost.  As far as the reception goes, it will be a whirlwind of the faces of your family and friends, so if possible, grab your husband’s hand and just enjoy mingling and meeting his friends and family that you may not have met before.  And I agree with a PP who said don’t worry about your guests having a good time!  They’re big boys and girls and can take care of themselves 😉  Overall (and I know it’s easier said than done…but it CAN be done!) just try to relax and enjoy every single second!  People said it to me beforehand, and while I did believe them, I had no idea how true it was…It.Will.Fly.By!  You won’t want to look back at your wedding day and wish that you hadn’t stressed so much, so just make up your mind right now that you are going to do whatever it takes to be stress free and enjoy it! 

Post # 12
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly, by the time my wedding day came up, I was so sick of trying to get everything together. The things that didn’t get done, I figured, so what. No one will notice. I also had a DOC help me out (HUGE help!!).

Family-wise, we were the same as you. My family is small and his is big. Every chatted away with who they knew or started up converstations with different people! There was some tension between some aunts and uncles on his side but everyone was there for us and I figured if they couldn’t be adults about their situations then they should just stay at home! You’ll just learn to let it all go 🙂


Post # 13
1564 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I feel like I hardly saw my husband after the first dance. lol…I didn’t wnat to be the crazy bride trying to track him down or anything, he was very preocupied with making sure the guets were okay so have a discussion about how many times you both agree to check on the guests….also if you see anyone crying….whatever tou do dont’ try and find out why, ask someone else to deal with it and put it out of your mind…I’m dead serious. 

Post # 14
1451 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Lillyrose:  Im worried about Fiance leaving me too during the reception to hang with his friends.  He usually does that when its just a party so I have my reasons!  I have had several talks to him about it.  He knows I don’t want him to stray from me to go hang out with his friends for an hour.  We agreed to play games together, dance, and visit with guests together.  He can stray a little which is fine I don’t mind but yeah I don’t want him gone the whole time!  We will only be at the party not even 4 hours!

Post # 15
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I saw this while I was planning and thought it was an amazing idea. “Your wedding party (or a trusted friend) would have these on-hand to pass over to you when you’re getting tense or need to take a breather. Then they stand guard while you keep your cool, canoodle with your partner, or get a bite to eat. “




Post # 16
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@jesssamesssa:  Oh man, I have this same worry!  I am like “Do NOT make me feel like a pathetic bride having to go track down her groom all night!”  He promised to really stick by me.  Usually we’re fine splitting up and hanging out with different friends, but I really want to be around HIM all night!

OP – do you have diagnosed anxiety?  It sounds like you have a lot of unfounded worries.  Just work on doing whatever it is you do to manage your anxiety.  Or possibly look into getting it treated this summer, before your wedding comes?  Sorry to be an armchair doctor, that was just my first thought since I know several people with anxiety disorders.

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