(Closed) To all you waiting girls…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Great post!

I have to say that I loved that I was taken completly off-gaurd when my husband proposed to me. I had literally gone to clinicals at 6 in the morning and then to work only to return home around 11:30 at night. I was tired, grumpy, hungry, (ahem) stinky!!! and wearing ugly caribbean blue scrubs…he welcomed me at my front door led me into the living room and proposed. I was so caught off gaurd that all I did was cry and I didn’t even say yes! Haha!

I know how hard it is to wait, especially when you know that he has picked out the ring etc. etc. but it will be so much more fun when you dont expect it!

Post # 4
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@JemmaWRX:  Fantastic advice.

And, a little dose of reality for those who don’t have an imminent proposal: stop obsessing over engagement if you haven’t

a) been together long enough to think about marriage,

b) if he hasn’t actually said the words “I want to marry you” or something similar while SOBER, or

c) you haven’t even talked about marriage yet while sober.

Just stop torturing yourself and think about if the idea of a proposal is actually going to happen or if it’s something you’ve constructed in your head and he has no clue what’s going on. I see too much of this, and it makes me sad both for the girl who is getting her hopes up and the lack of communication between couples. These women get so up in arms about their SO’s every little move, thinking it’s a proposal or he’s buying a ring, then only to find out it’s just a regular old birthday dinner or he bought a new TV.

Post # 6
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@JemmaWRX:  I think it’s because “waiting” is defined very loosely around here. I didn’t consider myself waiting until we had shopped and picked out the ring. So, while I don’t do well with anticipation, waiting wasn’t *that* hard for me.

Some bees consider themselves waiting and haven’t even discussed marriage with their SO. That would be a tough situation, IMO.

Post # 8
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@JemmaWRX:  I think some get really excited about being engaged and can’t wait till its here. Kind of like a trip to Disneyworld when you’re a kid…you know its coming, your parents even told you you’re going in one week…BUT OMG NEXT WEEK NEEDS TO BE HEEEEEERRREEEEE BECAUSE I’M SO EXCITED!!! RWAR!!! lol.

My husband and I actually went to look at rings in October 2010, I picked my top 5 and left it to hubby to pick out with one he liked best. But he told me we wouldn’t be getting engaged anytime soon. I knew we were going to get married it was all a matter of time. Little did I know that the very next week he bought the ring and didn’t want to propose to me (May 2011) until it was all paid off (what a great man lol). Point of my little story is that I really didn’t wait because I didn’t even realize he bought the ring and I knew that it would happen eventually.

I don’t think some ladies do themselves favors by joining wedding sites before they’re engaged. I think it adds to their excitment of ‘oooo can’t wait till I can buy that etc. etc.’

EDIT: Also thank you for yout compliment on my proposal story! 😀 I happen to like the story…but then again I’m a little biased.

Post # 9
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@JemmaWRX:  I’m sure its a great reality check but in all girls defense, if all the signs are there, whats she supposed to do? All girls dream of their big day and how we handle those situations is how we handle them. This waiting is for support and helpful advice. I agree fighting won’t help. I’m glad she had a place to vent, as many girls do. it lets us get it all out without condemnation and   hardshness. just my thoughts

Post # 10
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Hippos:  Agreed. I joined WB when some of my friends were getting engaged because I got “the bug” and wanted to look at everything wedding-realted. I realized that it wasn’t going to happen soon for us, so I took a break and came back around the time we started talking about and shopping for rings. I don’t think I could have tortured myself to stay here in between.

It’s funny, too, that now we’re engaged it’s really not that big of a deal lol.

Post # 12
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Alaric2012:  

not all girls firearm of “the big day” whatever that is. I get that some girls are super into weddings and engagements and stuff but I agree with OP – I see way too much pressure on “waiting”. I never called it “waiting”, I just thought of it as dating. I don’t understand the concept of going crazy waiting for a proposal personally. To me it was like the last thing on my mind! If it helps to vent then it’s good but I worry that sometimes it’s almost destructive focussing on it too much.

Post # 13
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@JemmaWRX:  thats true, i’ve been on and off about the big day since 2010 lol, now heading into 2013, nearly 4 years together, yay. but, still gf/bf….or dating…..hmm, i don’t know. i prefer partner or spouse lol

Post # 14
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 @ChloeTM2707:  Just want to clarify, at least in my case, that I too see the SO and I as dating. Now because I do know when he is planning on proposing, I classify myself “waiting” as well. They’re not mutually exclusive. And again, I can only speak for myself, but I do come here to vent and perhaps it appears that the Waiting bees focus on the impending proposal a little too much is because this board is our outlet so expressions of frustration, etc. may seem exacerbated. Whilst I vent and talk about waiting here does not mean it’s the sole focus of my life.

 @JemmaWRX:  Just have two queries about two of your points although I do think the overall message of your OP is sound advice.

With #1, whilst I do agree that one shouldn’t look at every event expecting a proposal, I can emphatize when someone is led to believe by her SO that he will be proposing on a specific trip, anniversary, etc. and he doesn’t and she is disappointed. Then I believe that it is natural for her to be a little miffed and that the onus is on him. I get that there is pressure on the guy but don’t lead your partner on to believe something and then not go through with it. In my case, I know the SO is planning on proposing during our trip to Vegas and he knows that I would be hurt if he doesn’t because if he had just left me wondering when, I’d be fine but I don’t like to be led to expect something and nothing happens. He knows that if that happens, I’d take matters into my own hands and propose to him Tongue Out

As for #4, I do agree that one shouldn’t start planning in the sense that you shouldn’t start phsyically looking and booking venues, trying on dresses, etc. However, I don’t see the harm in just perusing and casually researching what weddings involve. For me anyway, it provides a break from French translations and examining Greek vases (that I just like looking at beautiful dresses) and I’m just a plan ahead type. I researched universities whilst I was still in intermediate school and that took nothing away from the experience lol. Plus since I’ll probably be balancing writing a thesis, writing a dissertation and working with wedding planning, I think I personally would be glad I did some researching beforehand.

I do think that your OP gave very good general advice though Smile

Post # 15
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

@JemmaWRX:  4 – Don’t start planning your wedding. 

So funny because my SO and I decided when we bought the ring to get married in December eithe way, largely for financial reasons, and because we know we are going to elope anyway. And as December gets closer, I told him we need to make these reservations to make sure we get good prices and what not. So we have almost completely planned our wedding, and he is still planning his proposal. We are completely untraditional though, and have been planning everything together. I’m still terribly excited for the proposal though! So far he’s taken me on 5 nice dates in the last few weeks, which is pretty impressive for him, and our busy schedules.

Post # 16
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Good post. I know I am getting engaged in under 3 weeks, and I am trying to be patient! It’s a little hard when you are so excited!

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