(Closed) To Ask or Not to Ask…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

No, I don’t think you should ask –they aren’t participating.

Post # 4
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think that it would be appropriate to ask them to help pitch in to cover some of the bride’s portion of the expenses even though they will not be attending the bachelorette.  I would estimate what you think the bride’s share of expenses are for what you are planning to do and then approach them with what you think is a fair portion for them.

Post # 5
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

They aren’t participating, they have no say in planning it, it is totally not their responsibility to pay for it – not even the bride’s portion.  If they offer, great, but it would certainly be rude to ask them for money.  Would you want to help fund a party you weren’t going to?  The responsibility of paying for the bachelorette party falls on the person planning it and those attending.  One of them isn’t even 21 yet and a party was planned that excludes her by default….

Post # 6
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

No, you should not ask them to pitch in.  In my opinion you all should have talked about what you could afford prior to planning, as well as chosen something that all of you could attend.  I would be sort of upset that my BMs chose to go to Vegas drinking when they know I have a 17 year old Bridesmaid or Best Man who couldn’t attend…

Post # 8
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

actually – no you dont have to pitch in for all the bridal functions – your expectations are to stand up there on the day in a dress and support the bride. now if there were stipulations placed when these girls agreed to be bridesmaids (like the bride said ‘i expect my party to participate and pitch in for x y and z) then yes you can ask them if they can pitch in.

but for instance, i was Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friends wedding. she was getting married when i was strapped for cash and knew it. she had a bachelorette party in vegas and she knew i couldnt afford it. so instead, i hosted a smaller party near home when they got back for a nigth out on the town.

so… unless they were told ahead of time they had to pitch in, no i would not ask them for $$.

Post # 9
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with what others have said.  Bridesmaids are not obligated to chip in on parties, especially ones they are not attending.  While it would be nice if they did, it would be rude of you to ask them to.

If the bride is the one that wanted to go to Vegas, it is unfair of her to expect you guys to pay for everything, even though traditionally the bride gets a free-ride on her party.  If she’s the one determining the location (and an expensive one at that), then it would be fair of you to ask her to contribute.

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