Post # 1
I am the Maid/Matron of Honor at my best friend’s wedding. She has 5 other ladies in the bridal party, 2 of which are longtime, close friends, the other two are siblings of the groom.
We are on a budget, wisely spending our hard earned cash for the important things. The bach party is in Vegas, but unfortunately, the two siblings cannot attend–one is under 21 and the other is going on vacation with her boyfriend and cannot change the date (I don’t know why/why not).
Since I am head of all these fabulous parties, I am seeing the cost of all of this for the bridal party. Is it proper etiquette to ask the two siblings to pitch in for the bach party even if they are not attending? I have been kind of waiting to see if they would pitch in, but have yet to hear from either of them. I do not expect them to split the cost of the entire weekend with the other 4 of us, but I would like to see them give me some money to buy her a drink or two, even a dinner.
Anyone with thoughts, or suggestions would be really appriciated!!
Post # 3
No, I don’t think you should ask –they aren’t participating.
Post # 4
I think that it would be appropriate to ask them to help pitch in to cover some of the bride’s portion of the expenses even though they will not be attending the bachelorette. I would estimate what you think the bride’s share of expenses are for what you are planning to do and then approach them with what you think is a fair portion for them.
Post # 5
They aren’t participating, they have no say in planning it, it is totally not their responsibility to pay for it – not even the bride’s portion. If they offer, great, but it would certainly be rude to ask them for money. Would you want to help fund a party you weren’t going to? The responsibility of paying for the bachelorette party falls on the person planning it and those attending. One of them isn’t even 21 yet and a party was planned that excludes her by default….
Post # 6
No, you should not ask them to pitch in. In my opinion you all should have talked about what you could afford prior to planning, as well as chosen something that all of you could attend. I would be sort of upset that my BMs chose to go to Vegas drinking when they know I have a 17 year old Bridesmaid or Best Man who couldn’t attend…
Post # 7
Thank You everyone for your opinions! It has helped
shaydenise-the bride asked to go to Vegas, knowing she had a 20 yr old in her party–not being a minor–does that change anything?
gcwest–actually the older sister has sent me a few emails on suggestions for the Bridal Party weekend; she is not coming b/c she said she has nonrefundable plane tickets/vacation with her boyfriend. I am keeping all the Bridesmaid or Best Man in the loop and and ask for their thoughts, opinions, and suggestions for every function. I was under the assumption that being a part of the bridal party meant pitching in at all party functions for the bride given by the entire bridal party?
Post # 8
actually – no you dont have to pitch in for all the bridal functions – your expectations are to stand up there on the day in a dress and support the bride. now if there were stipulations placed when these girls agreed to be bridesmaids (like the bride said ‘i expect my party to participate and pitch in for x y and z) then yes you can ask them if they can pitch in.
but for instance, i was Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friends wedding. she was getting married when i was strapped for cash and knew it. she had a bachelorette party in vegas and she knew i couldnt afford it. so instead, i hosted a smaller party near home when they got back for a nigth out on the town.
so… unless they were told ahead of time they had to pitch in, no i would not ask them for $$.
Post # 9
I agree with what others have said. Bridesmaids are not obligated to chip in on parties, especially ones they are not attending. While it would be nice if they did, it would be rude of you to ask them to.
If the bride is the one that wanted to go to Vegas, it is unfair of her to expect you guys to pay for everything, even though traditionally the bride gets a free-ride on her party. If she’s the one determining the location (and an expensive one at that), then it would be fair of you to ask her to contribute.