Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
I’m having a little bit of a conundrum with finalizing our bridal party specifically whether or not to include two friends. We want a smaller wedding party and are hoping for as little of drama as possible…
One of the potential BMs I have known for over 15 years and were close until we got to college. We’ve grown apart and have rarely seen each other over the last couple years with the exception of some occurances which are few and far between. The one hitch is she pretty much introduced me to my fiancé.
I’ve recently become very close with this friends brother’s girlfriend (the brother is also a groomsmen in our wedding). I have only known her for a little over a year, but have already gone on vacations, we talk multiple times a week and see each other very often. She has become a very close and good friend of mine who is always there for me and vice versa.
Can I ask one without asking the other? My concern is I’ve grown apart from the long time friend who introduced me to my fiancé and have become very close to someone in such a short time (plus, it doesn’t help its my friends brothers girlfriend). Help…
Post # 3
Member
12954 posts
Honey Beekeeper
You can ask whoever you want, and you really don’t need to justify it to either one. When you picture your wedding day, who do you picture standing next to you? Who will support you through the planning process? Who do you want to be your bridesmaid? That is who you ask – no one can tell you specifically whether you should ask an old friend or a new friend other than you.
Post # 4
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
It sounds like you feel obligated to ask the one that introduced you and you want to ask the one you vacation with. Who do you feel closer to at this time?
My aunt, many years ago, asked her brother’s gf. We were all a little surprised but learned they were actually great friends and had gotten closer since they lived close to each other. They don’t talk now and hardly see each other. It’s who you feel close to at this time.
You can ask anyone you like. Is asking both of them not an option?
Post # 5
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
I just mentally battled the same situation for the past few months. I wound up asking both friends. I decided I would rather have a larger bridal party than miss having someone I care about involved in my wedding.
Post # 6
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
1. You should never feel obligated to ask someone to be a part of your wedding for any reason, whether they’re a friend since womb-hood or even if they introduced you to your fiance. It’s your wedding, and you should do what is least stressful for you. If you want a small bridal party, stick to your convictions. Making compromises this early in the game will only lead to more compromises further down the road.
2. If you’ve grown apart from your friend, then asking her to be in your wedding party might result in a bit of stress from both ends because you’ll both feel obligated to connect again. After all this time, she might resent being suddenly asked to spend money and participate in a myriad of things she doesn’t really feel invested in. Weddings shouldn’t be the sole reason to maintain a friendship.
Post # 7
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
I think you should ask who ever you want! If you are close to someone, ask them. If you don’t feel close to someone, don’t ask them. A close friend had a mutual friend in her wedding. They’ve since grown apart. She isn’t in our mutual friend’s wedding. I don’t think she minds one bit! In fact, she said she didn’t want to be in her wedding because she didn’t want to spend all the money on it!
Post # 8
Hostess
1427 posts
Bumble bee
I heard a piece of advice awhile ago that helped when I picked BMs. Who do you picture by your side 10 years from now? 20 years from now? What friendships do you know will stand the test of time?
That helped in picking who I wanted in my wedding.
Post # 9
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
@Coral99: this is pretty much exactly how I do feel and i know I feel incredibly close to my newer friend though I still have that question of ‘We will still be friends in 20 years?’ I know that you can’t predict everything, but the fact that I’m not sure makes me wary. I feel as though the day wouldn’t be the same without her though and am thinking that maybe I can incorporate her in another way.
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