(Closed) To ask or not to ask a 6th BM?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1428 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I have a male cousin like that. When we live thousands of miles away we talk and email all the time, when we lived 20 minutes away I almost had to make an appointment to see him. I adore him, he’s like my twin, we lived together a lot as kids, but I’m not having him in my wedding party. (which will piss off my mom but whatever she’ll get over it).
Have you thought about asking her to do a reading for your ceremony? That’s still really special but not as dependent as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 4
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds like you answered your own question and in your gut you don’t think she should be your Bridesmaid or Best Man.  And if you think about it, you’ll have another person to have to coordinate things with and it will be hard enough with 5, much less 6 girls.  On the other hand, maybe if she is in your bridal party, maybe it will bring you closer again? 

Post # 5
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think she deserves to be a bridesmaid. Perhaps give her a smaller duty so she’s honored by helping with the wedding (a reading maybe or handing out programs or something of that nature) and give her a corsage to wear but I think asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man is a huge honor that isn’t really appropriate giving the situation

Post # 6
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I think when people are farther away, they don’t take each other for granted.  If you live close together, it seems like you kind of have it in the back of your mind that the person is always there. (But somehow don’t usually get motivated to see them.)  At least that’s what happens to me.  I live Out of Town from family and feel like (with visits) that I see them more than they see each other, being in town.  It also reminds me of how tourists will go to a city and catch all the major tourists sites, but the natives to the city somehow never make it there. 

Anyway, so your friend "refused" to go to your engagement/birthday party?  Was she just busy, or  did she really make a stink?  It could be the same old jealousy thing.  Does she have a bf, or husband?  I’m guessing either she’s single and not dating, or she’s been dating someone for a while (who hasn’t proposed yet.)  If she is jealous and doesn’t even want to hear about your wedding,  I don’t think she can easily handle being a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

If you are feeling like you don’t want to ask her, don’t bother.  If it hurts you that you haven’t stayed connected, and would otherwise like to ask her, maybe you can talk to her and reonnect.  Maybe whether or not you keep a friendship going, is more important than whether or not she’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

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