(Closed) To ask or not to ask… Bridesmaid

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
12656 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Sides don’t have to be even and bridesmaids are supposed to be chosen because of the closeness of their relationship to you. If you didn’t think of her from the start and would just be asking to fill a spot, IMO it would be wrong and misguided to ask her now. No one appreciates feeling as if they are a prop or on a B list. 

Post # 3
Member
47277 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

annainweddingland: First, there is no need to balance the bridal party with the groomsmen. 

I think you have to weigh up the options. If she is flying all this way, and doesn’t know anyone else, she probably would enjoy getting ready with you. You can always say that the reason you didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid was because you never expected her to come.

On the other hand, it is a bit much to expect her to buy a dress on top of all her other expenses. You didn’t say how you are handling the BM’s dresses. Are they buying their own? Have they already ordered? Did the Bridesmaid or Best Man who dropped out have a dress that this woman could wear?

Post # 4
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m not having a wedding party (it’s not in my culture), so understand that before giving any weight to my advice… that said, I think I would invite her, unless you’ve already posted information about the wedding party publicly. Nobody wants to feel like a tier-B friend, so if there’s any evidence that you’d already formed your party I probably wouldn’t ask her. But if that info is not yet public, I’d go for it! Sounds like it would be more fun for her to be in the party. And if not, could you at least give her a plus one? Flying from dubai to kentucky is a huge deal (I know you get this 🙂 ). Would be more fun if she can bring a friend.

Post # 6
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

annainweddingland:  If you haven’t asked her to be in the wedding party she knows she isn’t in it. Why would you have to tell her?

Post # 8
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

annainweddingland:  Ah. So you want to warn her that she’ll be alone throughout the wedding. Honestly, I might have done that way earlier before she booked her flights, etc. Even if you don’t have her in the wedding party- is there any chance you’d be willing to let her hang out while you guys get ready? Is she invited to the rehearsal dinner? Are you having a head table, or could your other bridesmaids sit with her?

I certainly don’t think you have to ask her to be in the party, but you seem concerned about her having fun if she isn’t. 

Post # 9
Member
12656 posts
Honey Beekeeper

annainweddingland:  It would be rude to tell this friend she is not in your wedding party.Invitations are supposed to be inclusive, not exclusive. I would assume that she will be fine the day of your wedding. Plenty of people go to weddings without an SO attached to their hip and manage to socialize.  

It’s your choice whether to include her in the getting ready activities. But I would do that and also be sure to introduce her around. I’d also seat her with her friends. 

Post # 11
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Why not just ask her to be a bm and move on?

Post # 12
Member
12656 posts
Honey Beekeeper

annainweddingland:  You  don’t have to label it a “head table” and she certainly is not a “plus one.” Just seat people at the tables where you want them. 

Post # 13
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

Do you think she would love to be a bridesmaid?  

I was asked to be in a wedding party about 6 months after everyone else was- my first question was, “who dropped out?”.  Although  nobody had, my friend explained that the closer it got to her wedding, the more and more she realized she wanted me to be a special part of her special day.  I felt honored, and never looked backed.  If you want her in it, and you think she would like to be a part of the wedding, I would try a similar approach.

 

 

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