To baby or not to baby

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
1393 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I think going in eyes wide open in any decision you come to is a very smart thing to do-props to you guys. We’re in the same boat. Fence sitters-have been for the past 2 years and will continue to be for the next two. I think for the most part I can go either way and be happy so it will probably come down to my husbands choice. Right now we like our freedom and sleepy mornings and we are not ready for a child and everything that comes with it. No extra demands other than our pets. We personally will be doing a lot of research on both sides over the next two years, especially since we don’t have any family or friends with kids in our circle (as of yet). We know a few CF older couples with all different stories and how they got there, so we have that covered.

I’ve been reading the sub/Reddits; childfree, fencesitter and oneanddone. They are a wealth of info over there! Everyone has been reccomending the book “The Baby Decision:How to make the most important decision of your life” by Merle Bombardieri and it’s on my to-read list. 

You don’t have to make any decisions right this minute, so good luck figuring it out-you aren’t the only ones and you can always come back here and commiserate with the rest of us 😊

Post # 17
Member
542 posts
Busy bee

bouviebee :  

I too found it hard to relate to my peers. 

Your comments about wanting to focus on travel and avoid screaming kids resonates with me. 

When I hear kids crying, I want to run away because that sound is too annoying. 

Post # 18
Member
21 posts
Newbee

If it was up to my husband we would have had a baby yesterday. I’m 29 and he’s 35. We’ve been married for 2 years. We had what some would call a “whirl wind courtship”. Engaged after 5 months of dating and married a year and a half later. With my specific situation, I know we need a lot more time to build ourselves into a strong couple and if I could do it all over again, I would have waited a lot longer to get married. But since I can’t turn back the hands of time, I can at least hold off on bringing a child into the world until I can make absolutely sure my husband and I will be together. Additonally, we both work full time 50-60 hour careers and I can not even imagine managing a family, nor do I want to pop out a baby and pay to put them into daycare. While I know “my clock is ticking”, I don’t let societal norms and standards pressure me. Nor do I let my husbands wants pressure me because as we know, woman by default become the primary caregivers to children. I’ve been called selfish by a coworker by choosing not to have children right away, to that I roll my eyes. There’s a lot of mothers miserable and stressed while I only need to worry about me and my husband. For now I’m happy where I am. 

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