(Closed) To be or not to be…. Catholic…. (long ish)

posted 9 years ago in Catholic
Post # 17
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I have to share my story. We are both from strongly catholic families and were taken to church every sunday, baptised, received communion etc. Now I’m agnostic and he’s an atheist. Because of family pressure and emotional blackmail (his dad said all their friends would spit in their faces if we didn’t have a catholic wedding), we agreed to get married by a catholic priest. The ceremony will be held in a “chapel” (it looks exactly like one but does not have an altar). They are annoyed that we won’t allow them to bring a crucifix.

It’s left both of us feeling resentful towards his parents, and annoyed

that the most meaningful day in our

lives yet will occur in a way that does not hold meaning for either of us.

Moral of my story: do what gels with both your beliefs, not anyone else’s.

Post # 18
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

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@winerygirl: Oh I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope your wedding turns out amazing. HUGS.

Post # 19
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

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@Coffee cup: Aww, thank you! 🙂

Post # 20
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@imalittlebirdie: I think it is a good idea that you are taking your Fiance to mass to make sure he doesn’t want a Catholic ceremony. You mentioned an important detail which is whether your Fiance is even baptized. Does your church require both of you to have all sacraments done before the wedding? There are some Catholic churches that will agree to conduct a wedding ceremony as long as one of you have all sacraments completed. If that isn’t your case, is your Fiance willing to take the courses?

In my case, my Fiance was willing to take the courses if I really wanted a Catholic wedding. However, I decided that it wouldn’t be right to make him take the courses because I knew he would have to lie to the priest (because he doesn’t agree with the aspects/beliefs) in order for us to have a Catholic ceremony. I prefer for him to stay true himself rather to lie, be miserable, and possibly resent the Catholicism . Another factor was his busy work schedule. I even put myself in his position and in all honesty, I would’ve done it for my Fiance but I would have dreaded the entire process. This realization helped me reach a decision.

 

Post # 21
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think your answer is here:  I would like to be married Catholic simply because  of tradition, 

so do you want to BE Catholic or do you just want what you see as a traditional ceremony?  You can have a very traditional ceremony, but why have a Catholic wedding if you do not believe in it?  ( I do not say that to be snotty, just for you to think about it)

 i would like to get my children baptized so when they get older they have the option to be catholic or not.

You can be Catholic or you not and so can your children.  When you baptize your children Catholic you are pledging to RAISE them Catholic.  If you do not plan to raise them Catholic, why baptize them as Catholic?  They are not barred from being Catholic later if they are not baptized as infants.

I think you need to do some reflecting and you will be able to tell where your heart lies.  Do you feel Catholic?  Would you like to?  You do not have to think the Catholic church is perfect, but you need to feel part of it.  


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