(Closed) To bee or not to bee

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: So what do you do in this case?
    Wait on him and say nothing : (15 votes)
    60 %
    Say something and don't wait if he doesn't do it : (3 votes)
    12 %
    Say something and wait : (7 votes)
    28 %
    Don't wait : (0 votes)
    Other, please explain : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    as you say, it’s been only one month since the serious ring talk which is really not very long at all. if you’re worried about whether he has the will to save for the ring, maybe you could bring this up in a gentle manner with him, but other than i think you should wait a little longer!

    Post # 4
    Member
    1697 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I can add thaty Fiance proposed like 3 months after (I think) he bought the ring cause he had to make payments on it (he was unemployed at the time) I was a brat and impatient and he bought me a wedding band to “prove” he was serious. It helped ginormously to have that band in a box. I have a 12 year old so I know how hard it is to wait when they say it’s gonna happen! 

    Post # 6
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @pinkgreenandyellow:  I think bringing up your guilt about living out of wedlock would be a good conversation to have?  If you are becoming more Christian and building a marriage with this man, you should be able to be open about your spirituality and religious beliefs. 

    Also– do you need a fancy ring right away? Could you have a simple placeholder ring or a band so that you could start building a marriage and ease your religious guilt?

    Post # 8
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @pinkgreenandyellow:  I think you’re doing a good job reassuring him that he knows the “real you” who wants a ring that represents your personality rather than just something to out-spend a previous partner.

    However, I do wonder what kind of role religion might play in your relationship?  Are you planning on raising your daughter in your religion? Are you going to expect him to attend functions or church or participate in any part of the religion? (You don’t need to answer these to me but they are good things to think about!)  I think you should just be sure that he understands how important it is to you and what role you want it to play in your life (if any at all– no judgment whichever way you go with it!)

    Post # 9
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @pinkgreenandyellow:  

    I recommend you don’t say anything. Fiance and I decided to use my Grandma’s ring (the stones were gone but we loved the setting). It needed minor refurbishment, resizing, and new stones. The jeweler told us it would take 2 weeks. It took 7 WEEKS! Longest 7 weeks ever. My guess is your bf already bought your ring and it’s taking longer than he expected to get it. 

    In terms of him not specifically saying he wants to “spend his life with [you]”, I think that he thinks he is saying that by picking out a ring and talking marriage. Men are not as concise with their words and aren’t as good at communicating their feelings. As you described earlier, you both use different words to say the same thing without realizing you’re saying the same thing. Fiance and I do the same thing. 

    Summary: I think he loves you, wants to spend his life with you, and a ring is en route!

    Post # 10
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @pinkgreenandyellow:  Ooo, and I just remembered that when I was reading jeweler reviews on Yelp one woman was raving about her black diamond ring and said it took a lot longer to get it because black diamonds aren’t always something jewelers have in stock. It may be the same case in your area.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3626 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Sooo I’m the only person who said say something and don’t wait if he doesn’t propose. I say this because there’s a child involved, so I don’t think it’s right for him to keep you hanging on. Your daughter deserves a family – not a mother playing the waiting game.

    ETA – a happy, successful marriage is not predicated on a ring, so that would probably be the furthest thing from my mind. I’d be saving money for my daughter, not a fancy wedding or ring.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @pinkgreenandyellow:  I’m relieved to hear that he goes to church with you (because that seems like what you’d want, not because I think everybody has to go to church)– I think things seem okay.  I’d make sure he knows where you stand.  While your two viewpoints on forgiveness might not be on the same page, you’re at least in the same book!

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