Post # 1
So my SO and I attended a party for a family member of mine who was married abroad last summer. Many people were unable to attend, so this was just a sort of reception for those who couldn’t. They showed a video of the wedding, and it was absolutely amazing. It was a big, impressive party.
SO and I are not engaged yet, but it is coming soon. He has just become comfortable discussing the “M” word, and after this party, he mentioned to me that he didn’t want a big wedding like that, and would rather put money towards a honeymoon. I agreed, and said I would be happy to elope. He said we could just go to the courthouse, but I said I’d prefer something just a bit more special (I really want to either go to a nearby beach and get married there). Anyways… I then mentioned that I thought his family would be upset if they were not involved. I have this feeling that his family, especially his mum, would really like a wedding of some sort (not necessarily anything big).
So, for bees who have eloped or who thought of eloping and changed their mind… how did you deal with this? Did you have a small wedding with just immediate family? Or did you just have the two of you? Or, did you end up with something much bigger?
Post # 2
We didn’t want anything too elaborate either, but thought we would both regret not having our families there so we went with a small wedding of about 50 guests. I initially just wanted immediately family only but it was really hard to cut out family that has supported our relationship from the very beginning, so 50 was our balance. We picked a semi-destination venue at 2 hours away and it felt very intimate. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, no bigger or smaller. It was so special having our closest friends and family there to celebrate with us.
Post # 3
We are in a very similar situation as you right now. We are almost engaged and we don’t want a big wedding. Problem: He wants it to just be one set of my parents, his parents, his sisters and his best friend. Problems with that: I have 3 step-sisters, 2 sets of parents and 2 best friends who are married lol. So we negotiated something that will work for both of us.
The plan: We are actually hoping to have his best friend become an officiant so he can marry us, but if not then: We are having an officiant come to our home so we can say our vows in front of: Both sets of my parents, his parents, his sisters and their partners, my one sister (local) her partner, my best friends and their husbands, my aunt and uncle and following the ceremony we’re all going to a local restaurant for a catered dinner. The next day we are throwing a huge reception party at our house for all of our friends and family to come and celebrate with us 🙂
Good luck to you.. emotions surrounding weddings get crazy. People you don’t expect to have opinions will suddenly have very strong opinions…
Post # 4
We would have eloped but there are just way too many factors that contribute to why we can’t elope.
my fiance’s sister is a wedding planner and does a fantastic job at planning weddings.
My fiance’s brother got engaged before us but we dont know when they are planning to get married. They still live at home.
My fiance’s counsin decided to get marrried last summer and decided to not invite a lot of her fam so a lot of hurt feelings. So of course when we got engaged familes were asking if they were invited to our wedding?
We are having a less than 60 person wedding. It is bigger than we were hoping but it will have to do. We wanted to have a small immediate only and close friends wedding of less than 20 but that kind of went out the window haha.
Post # 5
we have a few things we will need to work out. For example, his family lives abroad. Also, he has a small family (one aunt) and I have a massive family (12 aunts/uncles and their partners and their children and their partners!) so if we did a small wedding, we would have to butcher that list massively. Lol
Post # 6
We are eloping just us in Maldives 🙂 no regrets
Post # 7
We eloped. Just the two of us. The decision was met with a bit of drama from his family, but absolutely no regrets!
Post # 8
We’re having a private ceremony with our officiant, witnesses, and ourselves, and then several months later, we’re having a small celebration and re-creation of the ceremony with our friends and family. Having the two events is a nice compromise between something very small and something more traditional, and because the private ceremony is so low-key, it’s not really costing that much more to do it.
This is going to be your wedding. You have the right to choose the size. If your friends and family love you, they will respect your decision.
Post # 9
Thanks ladies! The more I think about it, the more appealing it sounds to me. I’ve spent the last 6 months or so browsing pinterest, and always felt a little anxiety about the thought of planning a wedding (don’t get me wrong- excitement too! But I already have lots on my plate). SO’s family is abroad and if we were to have a big wedding, I would think that’s where it would take place. The thought of planning something overseas is intimidating. If I had lots of time and money, then I’d love to plan a dream wedding…. but the thought of just running off and having things taken care of sounds perfect.
I know exactly where I would want it to be. And I think that I’d like to have our immediate family there (parents, siblings, and maybe my grandparents). It would be nice and small and affordable. Stress free and fabulous. 🙂 I think that a proposal is coming soon, and SO has said that he doesn’t want a long engagement. If we are eloping, we don’t need long anyways- it would just depend on when it worked for our families if we included them. I found out that he has bought me a getaway to my dream wedding location for Xmas and I have a sneaking suspicion that is where he will propose. We will see!
If we did elope, I think it would be nice to have a big BBQ for my familiy/friends and one for his when we go to visit. 🙂 Cost efficient, but I know our families and friends would also enjoy celebrating with us.
Post # 10
Eloped. Don’t regret it at all. I didn’t care about trying to plan a wedding around everyone else. This day was about us, not them. 🙂 Best thing we ever did! And – we such a cool story!
Post # 11
We consider it an elopement as we only had out siblings and their spouses present. We used our budget to take a 2 week wedcation. Best decision ever. Talk about your priorities. Who’s decision, input and feeligns matter most? Would you rather have something intimate, or do you want to spend 50k getting great aunt Joyce and some cousin twice removed drunk?
ETA: If your primary anxiety is from planning, hire a wedding planner. Make a pinterest board give the budget and a list of non-negotiables and let someone else do the work.
Post # 12
Dreaming42: One of my biggest regrets about my wedding was worrying too much about what other people wanted and, if I could do it again, there’s a lot I would do differently. The wedding is yours and your husbands day, no one elses and it should be the both of you who you concentrate on making happy.
Post # 13
We thought of eloping to NYC where we got engaged (we live in the UK) but I didn’t like the fact that I would have minimum control i.e viewing the room, choosing this, that and the other and in theory they could tell me anything in an email and then I could be disappointed on the day. Plus, I wanted my Mum there so in the end we picked a barn conversion in my home county, which my Mum actually found for us and had 51 people. Fifty was the minimum number. We could have had a smaller venue with less people but to be fair all the attendees helped me and Fiance become who we are today.
Post # 14
We are doing exactly what your family memeber did. We are having our private ceremony in Bora Bora on our “weddingmoon”. We are having the ceremony recorded and will show it at the reception when we get home so the people feel like they were at our ceremony. Then after the video we will be introduced as Mr. and Mrs. and come out wearing what we were wearing in our video, then we will go into our first dance, just like you would at a traditonal reception.
I’m an only child and both of my parents have passed away. My grandfather, who raised me, passed away the day after we got engaged. My FI’s mom has also passed away. Because of all of our losses, we decided that planning a traditional wedding would be sad and we would rather spend our money on a once in a lifetime trip. Everyone around us believes this is the best thing for us. Also, every stranger who I’ve mentioned it has said that we are doing it the right way lol.
I am so excited about it and cannot wait for the next year to fly by! Now, I just have to find the perfect wedding package, which is turning out to be harder than I imagined.
Post # 15
it’s definitely not just planning. The thought of spending that much money on a one day party when we are saving pennies for a house down payment is a major concern too. I don’t want to spend that money just to make others happy.