Post # 1
Bees, are you paying for your own wedding??
Is your family butting in, telling you who to invite, even though they arent paying for anything?
Is your mother like mine, saying that she raised me, and payed for things for my whole life, and now i wont invite her friends to MY wedding, and she is having a shit fit?
Are other family memebers acting like you are stabbing them in the heart bc you cant afford to do the things they want you to do?
How do you deal with it?? Im pretty much killing myself with work, and resenting my family and creating unnecissary drama. I need help!!!
I have tried to explain that I just simply cant afford certain things. And certain people in my family just act like i have spit in their eye and slapped them in the face.
And it really hurts!
Im getting to the point that I hate my wedding, and I dont even want it to happen bc of the stress other people are putting me through.
This really sucks!
I just want to feel like I did before, when we first got engaged.
Post # 3
My fiance and I are paying for about 85% of the wedding ourselves. We are inviting all relatives and are giving each family a few spots for close friends, but that’s it. Neither family is trying to tell us what to do or who to invite, because they know that they aren’t contributing much if anything. If they do get bossy, I would say “If you want XY and Z to happen, then you need to fork over the money for it.” It might sound harsh, but if you don’t have the budget for it, what do they expect you to do?
Post # 4
Sorry you’re going through that, but at the end of the day it’s about you, your hubby-to-be and what you can afford and what you guys want. If they are acting like this now, imagine the input your family members would have if they WERE contributing to the wedding. Have they offered to help pay for anything?
Wedding planning is stressful and other people and family members tend to make it about themselves and lose sight of what’s important. It sucks but don’t let it bring you down because you are marrying the man of your dreams. Every girl I know hated her wedding at some point and talked about cancelling it, myself included.
We paid for our entire wedding ourselves and since we were on a budget and have to use cash for everything, we chose to go away and have a destination wedding in Mexico. I’m so happy we did!
Post # 5
Thats what im saying!!! People think that money grows on trees. and Im so sick to death of even talking about it.
But, like I told my mom that she couldnt invite these people that she wants to invite, and I told her that we couldnt do certain things for the wedding like save the dates, bc it just isnt in my budget, and she has come back with “I cant believe i raised you, and sacrificed my life for you, and you wont even let so and so come to your big day”
really – really – you sacrificed your life for me so I should do what YOU want on MY day?? doesnt make sense. But , she knows exactly how to make me feel like crap. and my grandpa… ohhh lord. I LOVE LOVE him to death!!! BUT, my grandma recently passsed away, and he wants her ENTIRE FAMILY TO COME… like her 12, yes 12 brothers and sisters that are still alive, and their kids and yadda yadda. I said that can NOT happen, and he got me with “but grandma is in heaven and she would be upset if you didnt invite everyone to this day”
now, how am i supposed to throw that out?!? my grandpa is binging up my passsed away grandmother, who meant more to me than my own Fiance! She was my rock.
I just dont understand it. it sucks and like i said. I HATE this wedding. and I really dont want to.
I have spent every penny I have ever saved and I still need to save more!
BUT – im telling everyone. family, Fiance and his family, everyone… that if I cant save – or they help the 1,500 more that i need to have the wedding that I and everyone want… then I – yes I myself am cutting the list. and everyone has to deal with it! I dont care!
I hate being a mean person. Its not who i am. 🙁 Boo.
Post # 7
@StaceyMay81 My mom said that she would help pay for our $4,000 photographer that SHE basically picked for us. and NOW, she cant. which, if she cant, thats fine. BUT, now im stuck with this photographer that is half of my budget.
FI’s family says they want to help, but havent.
And my grandpa actually gave us 2,000. So, I want to listen to his input. But his input is more than 2grand. lol.
Fiance also is at fault here, he has a VERY large family and they ALL NEED to be there! But, like I said, if by Jan 1st, Things arent changing for the better. Im putting my big girl, butt kicking pants on, and people wont like me.
Post # 8
This is a concern of mine too. My fiance’s parents are helping us with the wedding which is absolutely wonderful. My parents haven’t said what they are doing, if anything. I’m trying to find a venue right now and asked for their head counts. When I got the names, I was shocked to think that they would invite some people, whome I don’t know very well, and expect me to pay for it. If it comes down to it, I’m simply going to tell them that guests can be bought, and they can pay if they want certain people invited, but I will not pay for people I do not know.
I look at it like this.. If my wedding breaks my relationships with my family, it wasn’t that strong of a bond to begin with. If your family can’t understand how much it costs to throw a wedding, those aren’t the supportive people that you need to be surrounding yourself with at this time. Friends and family should be there making this easier, not harder for you.
I hope that it gets better, and that everyone realizes how much stress they are causing you. Good luck
Post # 9
@Bichon Frise: I agree my Fiance does not have any immediate family but his mother and he is an only child. We have about 40 ppl we want to invite which mostly consist of mutual friends and immediate family. I have two siblings, two nephews and both parents are remarried. So my immediate family is pretty big compared to my Fiance. His mother went on a tangent and want to invite aunts, uncles and cousins. But, we do not have the budget for and my Fiance does not talk to his extended family and doesn’t not care if they will not be there. I love his mother but I had to tell her we do not have money like that and Fiance does not want them to come. If she wanted them to come she could pay for them to come. My Fiance stated the same to her. At the end of the day you can only do what you can afford.
Post # 10
@lmickevicius wow, how wonderfully said… about the family not supporting isnt worth being around anyway.
Post # 11
I’m so sorry! That is ridiculous. I am paying for my own wedding and so far haven’t experienced too much “input” from people unless I ask. I do keep getting some people who just automatically invite themselves or just assume that I am inviting someone even though we have said we are keeping it very small. I told myself that if it became this issue where everyone was butting in I would tell them that they needed to pay for it or we would just have a fancy elopement and spend all that money on ourselves. We’d probably be happier in the end anyway!
Post # 12
I am so close to eloping its crazy. And Fiance of course would rather do that.
But i know that it would hurt my family terribly. AND if we did elope i would loose A LOT of money!!! being so close to the end, I would be so angry loosing nearly 6K!
Sorry for all the venting ladies, and thank you for the input that you gave!! Im going to attempt to remain calm, and just keep reminding people what this day is about. Myself included! 🙂
Post # 13
Paying for it all ourselves, and only input from others is what I have asked for.
So far we have purchased my dress, most of our centerpiece items, the table runners and some other decor. The remainder will be purchased in February, closer to the date so we have to store less time.