(Closed) To buy a house or not to buy a house ????

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think you at least need a commitment from him, if not a ring. I mean if you both agree you are getting married, you ARE engaged, ring or not, right?


I know lots of people buy houses together before they’re married but its such a huge commitment! I wouldn’t do it before I was at least engaged.

Post # 4
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If it is a good investment buy the house and seek seperate counsel. It is always smart to have your own lawyer even if you are eventually going to be married.

Post # 5
3579 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Fiance and I bought a house two years before we got engaged!

The commitment was there and we wanted to get the house before we spent money on a ring and a wedding! But we were already living together and renting!

It is a very personal decision you guys need to talk it over together!

Post # 6
697 posts
Busy bee

My boyfriend and I bought the house… well technically *he* bought the house.

We had to do some crazy which wiped out his savings, and I figure that there won’t be any sort of shiny bauble until he’s rebuilt his stash.  

Then again, a long while ago the idea of pre-hitchery was brought up, and he said something along the lines of probably needing to be pressured into it, but I’m not one for pressuring… :/  Especially with the stash-rebuilding going on.

Anyway.  When we were house/loans/insurance/??? shopping, I did most of the footwork while he was at work for the day.  It got to the point where I gave up correcting the people I was talking to when they called him my husband/fiance.  


We told them we were “doing it backwards”, and that right now a place to live is more essential to living than a shiny bauble and the ensuing hullaballoo.  

If the house is large enough, perhaps you could get it now, but live in separate bed/baths?  It’d be like you were housemates!  Sleepover in the living room!

Post # 8
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Like Future Mrs. Martin, we bought a house like 1.5 years before we got engaged.  It worked for us, but I know it won’t work for everyone.  I do agree with chirico that if you do decide to buy the house, make sure you are protecting yourself legally.  We bought our house as equal partners and have equal rights to the property just in case anything happens. 

Post # 9
337 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you need to be engaged to get a house. You just need a solid commitment. Do you think he is stalling on proposing or just waiting for the perfect moment? Try talking to him to make sure he is committed to you. Just don’t make an offer unless you are positive cause that’s a large expense to get stuck with if things go sour.

Post # 10
68 posts
Worker bee

i think it depends on whether you’re comfortable with it, and your reasons for not wanting to live together before being engaged. my bf and i have talked about buying an apartment a couple times, and always decided to rent instead, only because i’m applying to grad school this year and depending where/if we move, it doesn’t make sense to buy yet. but, depending on where we end up, we probably will buy a house or apartment next summer, whether or not we are engaged. but that’s just us. if you have principles against living together before being engaged, that’s not something to ignore if you aren’t comfortable. 

Post # 11
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If you know the ring is coming, what’s holding you back? You’re talking maybe a couple of months in the big scheme of things. You could always buy the house but not technically live in it if you really don’t want to live with him pre-ring.
Even so, you KNOW it’s coming. If you’re worried about your relationship going sour, honestly, it could happen WITH the ring on your finger, too. Make sure you have ample legal representation and the paperwork is done appropriately, not “oh it’ll be ok; we’re getting married in a year”.

What’s your qualm about living with him w/o a ring? If you both plan on getting married 6/2010, what makes you think he’d hold off on the ring if he’s told you it’s coming?

Post # 13
11 posts

I would suggest if possible that one person buys the house.  I know how tempting it would be, but it can make for a “divorce” like break up if things did not work out.  And if they do – it takes one to buy, and two to sell if you get married.  (Not to sound pessimistic, in that I hope things work out for you, but its good to be smart about it).  tough decisions!!

Post # 15
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Speak with an attorney.  If one of the two of you buys the house, and the other contributes financially it could be a mess if you split up later on.   Also if both of you buy the house how would the assets be divided (if needed).  You are dealing with a large responsibility and with that should come safeguards.  You must think of it as an investment in your future both money and relationship wise.  There are always great houses, if you cannot commit to the house and the responsibilities that come with it then now is not the time to make that investment.

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