Post # 1
My SO and I don’t live together. I currently rent a little apartment from my aunt, and she’s decided to sell it and has offered it to me for a very cheap price. If I decline I’ll have to move out and find a new place to live.
SO doesn’t want me to buy the apartment because it’s tiny and is in an area where he doesn’t want to live. I asked him what the alternative is, and he suggested we should rent a place together and see how it goes. This arrangement would be fine for him – his brother lives in the city and he could always go and live with him if things didn’t work out with us. But I’d have nowhere else to go back to – my aunt’s apartment would be sold by then, and I’m unlikely to find another little place at such a cheap price.
I’m unwilling to give up the opportunity to buy this apartment when the proposed alternative offers me no long term security. If SO suggested getting engaged and buying a bigger place together, I’d be all for it. But I don’t think it’s fair of him to ask me to give up the opportunity of owning a permanent place to live, and instead rent a place with him, with no guarantees whatsoever about the future, not even an engagement ring.
SO says I’m being selfish and I’m refusing to move the relationship forward because I don’t want to rent a place with him. I think he’s being selfish by asking me to give up a permanent affordable home in favour of a temporary lease and a relationship with no guarantees.
I don’t know what to do 🙁 Advice?
Post # 3
Hmmm…this is a tough one. But I think you have to go with your gut and do what feels right to you. If you feel like you would resent your boyfriend if you don’t buy the apartment, then buy the apartment. Also, have you guys talked about when you see yourselves getting engaged and then married? If he doesn’t see those things happening for a long, long time then that would be even more incentive to go for the apartment. Or if he sees you getting engaged in a month or two, then that could be an answer not to buy the apartment.
Post # 4
“Rent a place together and see how it goes” To me it sounds like he could take it or leave it. I would look out for #1 and buy the apartment.
Post # 5
Is there no way you can do both (buy the place and rent a place with him)? Would you consider buying it as an “investment” property? That way you can stay there on your own for as long as you like and when you do decide to move in with him you could rent out the little apartment to someone else. Obviously you would have to do the math… Will you be able to afford renting a place with your SO as well as paying any shortfall that may exist between the rental income and a mortgage payment? I’m not in America, but my understanding is that, in most places property is an ideal investment if the circumstances are right. If it’s a sound investment I would say definitely BUY! Perhaps one day the rental income you receive from that little apartment will help pay for both of your retirements or any future kids’ (an assumption) college!
Post # 6
Buy the apartment. I say this for two reasons:
1. It is a back up plan, which you want if he doesn’t pull through with an engagement or living together.
2. If you are buying it for a cheap price you will be able to sell it for more in any circumstance (10 years from now when you want to go somewhere else or XX months/years when the SO proposes).
Regardless, buying the apartment cannot go wrong.
PS. I might be biased because I have now had three apartments sold from when I was living there and have had to find houses in less than 60 days. It is the most stressful, horrible time of my life, and I don’t wish that experience on anyone. I hate my current apt, but if I could have bought it for a good price, I certainly would have jumped on it.
Post # 7
Buy – for the reasons above. Live in it till SO proposes and you move in together then rent it out. Make it clear to him you are not buying with the expectation he move in, you are buying it as an investment – when the time comes for you to buy together selling the Apt. at that time might be a nice down payment contribution.
That way he can’t say you are holding things back, you are actually planning for both your futures and retaining your integrity regarding not wanting to move in until there is a firm commitment between the two of you.
Post # 8
@Sunflower–girl: <— this
Look out for yourself girl!
Post # 9
My brother was in a similar situation (renting from an Aunt, she offered it to him at a good price, his SO was not interested in the neighborhood). He bought the place which is essentially a duplex in the ghetto. He rents out the second apartment and lives in the first. His SO was very upset that he chose to buy in an area she refuses to live (rightfully so, she has a child and currently lives in a better school district). But he was not ready to move in with her and knew he was buying at a price he could afford and setting himself up for current and future rental income. The point is, you need to think about you and what this investment means to your future. If it postpones your potential engagement, is it more important to you to know you have a place to live or a potential engagement? It sounds like your SO is not ready to commit to a long term situation so I would not base my long term decisions around him unless you really have no desire to own.
Post # 10
I agree with PP’s, buy the apartment. If your getting a good deal On the price it could be a great investment. Figure out what your mortgage would be and what you think you can rent it out for. It actually sounds like a good opportunity to me.
Post # 11
Very good advice here, we need to hear from you @fiberoptic!
Post # 12
Personally I would need to look out for #1 (me) if my SO hasn’t proposed yet and secure my future by buying the apartment.
Has he given you any timeline for when a proposal may happen?
Post # 13
Buy the apartment. You can’t go wrong. If he loves you and is smart, he will understand and will make necessary changes required to be with you. That’s what you want.
Post # 14
I would buy the apartment. If he wants you to share a home with him he can offer you a solid commitment, and you can sell your apartment and move in together then, but right now it sounds like moving in with him doesn’t offer you many benefits
Post # 16
I’d buy it. You don’t have to make the purchase into this big relationship-dealbreaker– just tell him you have the money to buy the apartment and you want to make the investment.
You said that you don’t already live together– it is perfectly okay to tell someone “I am not comfortable living with a significant other without being engaged or married first.”
I think, if he’s opening up the prospects of living together, then the relationship is old enough to have a “so where are we going?” talk. The fact that you’re not over-the-moon to live with him says something to me– do you feel insecure in the relationship? Is he mature enough to propose on a timeline that you’d like?