(Closed) To cancel or postpone our wedding, that is the question…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with you. While its painful and stressful you guys should postpone the wedding. It doesn’t seem like a strong foundation to get married on when you come close to breaking up. Take some time to work on yourselves, and perhaps work on adjusting and dealing with stress better as couple before tying the knot.

You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and if it’s meant to be everything will work out. When you get married it should be a happy day and time, and getting married feeling like you do would be horrible.

Post # 4
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

So sorry your going through this… I think I would at least consider postponing the wedding for now, you should not marry someone when you have these types of feelings, a wedding is not going to suddenly make it all ‘ok’. 

I know people worry about the money for the wedding and I totally understand that BUT from one who has experienced Divorce it is devastating so making sure that you are marrying the right person should be paramount and not that it is ‘too late’ to do anything about it because the deposits have been paid.  Speak to your vendors most of them will help you and probably allow you to postpone your date for now – your family and friends will understand more than you think because they LOVE you and would not want you to be in an unhappy marriage. 

Life happens and a relationhsip that is good an healthy will help each other to get through the problems…

At the end of the day do what your gut tells you to do – if that is to marry him then do it and if as your post suggests that you need more ‘time’ then consider your alternatives for now and give yourself that time to sort things out.

I wish you the very best of luck and lots of hugs…

Post # 5
Member
4945 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree, you shouldn’t marry someone if you aren’t happy. But then on the other hand, marriage isn’t always rainbows and unicorns and sh*t, so if he can’t handle you being unhappy during a particularly stressful time, that’s a good indicator that he might bail later when things hit a bump in the road, you know?

Post # 6
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Like some of the pp’s said, marriage isn’t a band-aid and it doesn’t really change anything. It just sort of solidifies the foundation.  So if he can’t stick it out with you now.. how can you trust him to stick it out then?  

Only you know how you really feel at the end of the day, but putting myself in your shoes.. i know that if my Fiance told me he was moving out because he’s unhappy, i would take that as a break up. Living together it the ultimate test, and if neither of you are happy, then that’s something you have to address.  Have you thought about counselling together? It sounds like you both need to really open up to eachother.

Post # 7
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a hard one! I think I agree that the added stress of a wedding isn’t what you two need right now to work things out and get back to a better place. Almost breaking up twice in the year leading up to the wedding is not a good sign.

Neither is his tendancy to talk about his feelings in regards to your relationship to “everyone else” and not you… I would be concerned about that.

Good for you for taking some responsibility (the stress of school, your depressive tendancies) but marriage is definitely a team of two and takes both people working equally to make it work.

Maybe couples counselling? and postpone until the Spring?

get to the root of his reaction to bail when times get tough. not a good thing for you to truly sign on “for better or worse”…

Post # 8
Member
7689 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I hate to say this, but maybe he’s just not the one.  Marriage is for better or worse, in sickness and in health.  When you are married things aren’t always rosy-what if he decides to bail then?  If I were you, I think I would bail now.  Better to leave now than to have him bail on you, get a divorce later.

Post # 9
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

have you talked to him about this decision? you should really be talking to him about it.  It sounds like he’s made a lot of sacrifices for your relationship. Marriage is not a joke and nothing is ever going to go as perfectly as you will want. That’s just life in general. There is always going to be “SOMETHING” getting in the way of everything else. what you really need to be asking yourself is.. are you ready to commit to him regardless of whatever is stressing you out, not just today but in the future.  And if the answer is no than he needs to know that. 

Post # 10
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Marriage doesn’t fix relationship problems. Postpone until you work out your issues. 

Post # 11
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I really believe in living together before getting engaged and definitely before getting married. My fiance and I started living together at the start of the year, and I couldn’t stand it at first. I was considering leaving after two months. There were some circumstances that made it a stressful time for me, especially, and living together is HARD even if you’ve spent a lot of time at eachothers places. However, with lots of honest communication, time, patience and effort on both our parts, things got better and we’re now blissfully happy… and engaged! I am so glad we didn’t wait till we were married to live together, otherwise I would have forever wondered whether during that difficult time, I was staying only because I’d promised to, not because I chose to. 

My point is, postpone the wedding. Work things out. Get married when you are truly happy and know you both want to spend the rest of your lives together.

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