(Closed) To change or not to change that is the ?

posted 8 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you don’t want to change your name, don’t.  If he wants the family all to have the same name, he could change his name.  If he is not willing to do that, then he should understand why you aren’t willing, either.

To my mind, hyphenating is the worst of all possible choices, unless he is also hyphenating.  You go through all the hassle of changing your name, and still don’t end up with the same last name as him.

I have lived with the same last name for 57 years.  I have an ex-husband with a different last name, a wife with a different last name, and children with a different last name.  And none of the inconvenience associated with any of that has been nearly as much as the inconvenience of changing my name would have been.

Post # 4
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You can take his last name but still use your last name for professional use. 

Post # 5
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@pixie5697: You do not have an obligation to change your name.  It sounds like you really don’t want to, based both on paperwork and also just not liking your name with his.  You should let him know this (but don’t tell him his last name sucks… tell him you like yours, have a business and reputation under it, and plan to keep it).  He may have a preference, but just because he may have grown up expecting a future wife to take his name does not mean he has any control over that decision.  The only person’s name he controls is his own – he can keep or change it, but he can’t make your decision for you.

If you wanted to have his name, it would be a different story, but it honestly sounds from your post like you don’t.  Either way, it is your choice and like marriage it should be a choice you make because you want to, not because you feel obligated to.

Post # 7
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am not changing mine legally or professionally.  However, I will use his name socially (Christmas cards, as far as the neighbors are concerned, etc.).  I haven’t introduced myself with his name yet–that will be weird.

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