Post # 1
So I have been thinking very hard over the past 6 months wether or not to change my last name to my FI’s last name. One of the problems that brought this up is my Fiance has a female sounding last name and it really does not sound 100% with my first name. #2 is that I own my own business and I do not know if I want to go through the headache of having to change my name with everything that is involved with my business (that is a lot of paper work that needs to be done above and beyond what a non business owner has to go through). I have thought about hypening it and all but I still run into the changing the paper work over and the fact that even with my last name infront of his but still same problem female sounding name at the end. UGH any advice would help, I have not brought this up to him yet, I do not want to hurt his feelings.
Post # 3
If you don’t want to change your name, don’t. If he wants the family all to have the same name, he could change his name. If he is not willing to do that, then he should understand why you aren’t willing, either.
To my mind, hyphenating is the worst of all possible choices, unless he is also hyphenating. You go through all the hassle of changing your name, and still don’t end up with the same last name as him.
I have lived with the same last name for 57 years. I have an ex-husband with a different last name, a wife with a different last name, and children with a different last name. And none of the inconvenience associated with any of that has been nearly as much as the inconvenience of changing my name would have been.
Post # 4
You can take his last name but still use your last name for professional use.
Post # 5
@pixie5697: You do not have an obligation to change your name. It sounds like you really don’t want to, based both on paperwork and also just not liking your name with his. You should let him know this (but don’t tell him his last name sucks… tell him you like yours, have a business and reputation under it, and plan to keep it). He may have a preference, but just because he may have grown up expecting a future wife to take his name does not mean he has any control over that decision. The only person’s name he controls is his own – he can keep or change it, but he can’t make your decision for you.
If you wanted to have his name, it would be a different story, but it honestly sounds from your post like you don’t. Either way, it is your choice and like marriage it should be a choice you make because you want to, not because you feel obligated to.
Post # 6
Thank you all for your opinions, they really helped me see that I do have to speak to him and just make it clear to him that I am in no means trying to hurt his feelings nor make it any less of a marriage by not taking his name.
We both have kids of our own he has boys and I have girls and neither of us can have any more kids so his name will be carried on by his boys, He does not plan on adopting my girls due to their dads being in their lives.
So I am going to keep my name.
Thank you all of you again for all of your help.
Post # 7
I am not changing mine legally or professionally. However, I will use his name socially (Christmas cards, as far as the neighbors are concerned, etc.). I haven’t introduced myself with his name yet–that will be weird.