(Closed) To confront or not to confront FSIL?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

When in doubt with family/in-laws, do not confront. That has been a lesson I’ve learned. Just stop trying. Don’t worry so much about what she does. Ask your Fiance to follow up with her regarding whatever you need to pick up. You don’t need to prove yourself to her or feel the way you do.

Post # 3
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Doesn’t sound to me like you 2 are friends. It sounds like sometimes you help her out and you get along but she isn’t really trying to have a relationship, why should you?

Post # 4
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I understand your frustration with her.  But honestly, it doesn’t sound like anything would be accomplished by confronting her.  I would be inclined to let it go and try not to let it bother you so much.  I know..easier said then done.  

Post # 5
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly I think it’s quite obvious that the only reason she was making any kind of an effort that time was because she needed a lift. She’s not playing games, she just doesn’t give a f*ck. I know countless people I don’t hear a word from unless they need something. I just tell them, “Sorry, I can’t help” and leave it at that. I was always the one helping people and getting them out of crap until I realised it’s a complete waste of my energy and stopped doing it.

If what you need to pick up is so important then just get your Fiance to go get it or at least call his sister to see if she is home. You also made it sound like she still lives with the parents when you said, “I just wanted to see if the family was at home”. Is there any reason why you keep trying to contact her and not the parents? I’m sure you’d be more likely to get a response from them than from her.

Also, you mentioned you thought she’d grow out of this behaviour however more often than not, when you get used to a certain dynamic in a relationship, things don’t tend to change unless it’s immediate family or you don’t have much contact with that person (eg. you disliked someone in high school but then after years of not seeing each other, you get along great now).

Post # 7
Member
6372 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Do not confront her.  It seems she’s not interested in a close relationship with you.  As for whatever you need to pickup, do it through your Fiance.

Post # 9
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, you’re not friends.  This woman is using you.  

 

 

Post # 10
Member
6442 posts
Bee Keeper

MrsHistory-Bee:  She’s only using you for when she needs you.  I would talk to your Fiance about getting whatever you left at her house on accident because it’s clear she just doesn’t want a friendship by the way she is acting.

Post # 11
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

MrsHistory-Bee:  I feel your pain. My Future Sister-In-Law on my husband’s side is the same way. Great for awhile, then out of now where attacks. I have found the best, not the least stressfull FYI, is to let them be themselves. Becuase in the end, her true colors will show. Atleast we hope.

Post # 13
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee

MrsHistory-Bee:  Oh honey, I feel ya!! I was going through something similar with someone in my SO’s family as well. It was so frustrating. It’s not like we want to be best friends…just respond so we can get that sh*t over with and be done with it!! Ugh.

Post # 15
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

MrsHistory-Bee:  It sounds like she might be very young? This could just be typical self involved/insensitive teenager stuff

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