(Closed) To confront or not to confront??

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5797 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

Why are you looking at his phone bill?? He could be texting her “leave me alone” or “I hate your stupid face”.

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Carrie0226: How do you know he’s texting her? Are you checking his phone? Or is he doing it in front of you?

 

Post # 5
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

To everyone who asked about the phone bill, they may share a family plan.

If you do confront him, make sure to use I-statements. “I noticed this on the bill and I feel a bit nervous when I see her number.” 

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Unless you know the content of the texts, I wouldn’t confront him.

How do you know he texted her at the exact same time he told you he was busy and couldn’t talk? Respect is a 2 way street – if you are checking his phone bill to check numbers texted, is that respectful of him?

If you know he would never cheat, I’m not sure why its a big deal.

Post # 7
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@lilacwire: I think thats the best advice.

It’s possible that he’s texting her to leave him alone! Just bring it up w/o being defensive to find out whats going on.

Post # 8
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i agree with @lilacwire: ask him about it, but don’t be accusatory.

Post # 9
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I don’t think it could hurt to ask. Like some said, he could be telling her not to talk to him anymore.

Post # 10
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think if it bothers you, you should definitely say something to him.  Just be sure to stay calm and have your thoughts organized, so it doesn’t turn into a huge argument.

Post # 11
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Good advice on the “I” statements.. also, why is this woman texting a married man?

Post # 12
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

We had a family plan long before getting married and I always go through our bills fairly thoroughly. I can never figure out why our bill is +/- $10-$20 every month so I try to see when/what we over used, but I digress….

If I happened to see a forbidden number, I would ask him about it non-confrontationally. I don’t see there being any problem in doing that and don’t see it as being disrespectful for looking over our bill. I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions and would give him a chance to explain himself, but there’s no way I wouldn’t ask. We are always very open with one another and know each other’s boundaries, so if he knows how you feel about this, a simple explanation shouldn’t be too much to ask for.

Post # 13
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Had something similiar happen (long story short), I confronted him.  Mind you, I was pretty ticked off because he’d promised to not save the photos/talk to her and, well, he did.  Save the photos.  And hid them.  In a folder he said he was going to delete.  

I waited till he got home and confronted him (it didn’t work too well while angry prior, so I was rather calm this time). Being calm is WAY better than being angry: you get further.  

And yes, you SHOULD ask him about it.  Especially if this is something he’d said he wasn’t going to do.  We got everything worked out and he ignores her now (completely) and blocked her from FB (or at least deleted her from his friends).  So, it worked out in the end.

So sorry you’re going through this!  Hope it works out for you!!!!

Post # 14
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you need to talk to him, otherwise it’ll just eat you up!

What if you bring it up with, “I saw [ex] was texting you again. Do you want me to look up how to block her number for you?”

Post # 16
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If they have a kid together then that changes the situation a little for me.  It just seems like they have completely valid things to talk about.  I agree that you can ask him to keep the friendly chit chat to a minimum, but it’s not feasible to expect him to cut her out of his life or ignore her messages.  I’m sorry you’re in this situation, but if you trust him, then I think you need to let it go a bit.  Just assume all the messages are about the kid (because a lot of them probably are).

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