Post # 1
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
Hello lovely ladies of the bee, I am just curious to know your opinions in a bit of a situation I’m in.
Some back story: when DH & I first got engaged his brothers gf (we’ll name her Jess for the sake of the post) did not congratulate us at all. The only thing she did was “like” an instagram post. However as soon as I deactived my account a couple of weeks later (went way over my data so temp deactivated them) she messaged Mother-In-Law was like “why did Smartsimple delete her account? Send me photos of their engagement shoot, send me photos of her ring” and when Mother-In-Law sent them she responded “no I want a closer look of her ring” Mother-In-Law then messaged DH telling him to send her photos of my ring to her. We’re really not that close at all, in fact neither of us have her number or e-mail address or even facebook). She’s been with my Brother-In-Law for over 2 years and I know that they are in (and were at the time) discussing getting engaged (although she’s been asking/talking about it before they were dating for one year). Additionally, when DH told Brother-In-Law & her that he was going to propose they only cared about the ring specs and how much everything cost. I should mention here that Brother-In-Law has yet to congratulate me either.
Jess & I get along just fine. We’re not the best of friends (we don’t really keep much contact unless it’s on social media) but we defintely don’t hate each other. I try to be as friendly to her as possible. However, I’ve always got this feeling she’s a little unsettled by me. She purposely didn’t invite us to Brother-In-Law 30th bday, which we found out about and the plans feel through (we let this one slide, maybe it was an innocent mistake). Just things that are a bit off but honestly, I really didn’t care that much, theres nothing I could do to control her bi-polar behaiour. She didn’t come to my bridal shower even though she said she would but then ended up saying she couldn’t come because it was on a Saturday, which is “weird”.
Anyways, I have remained friendly with her however I got my wedding video and I noticed that as we walked down the aisle, she just looked back at us then turned her head. She did not stand up, even though everybody else is/was, even Brother-In-Law who was right next to her stood up. It’s looks so bad on the video and is very obvious, even my DH was very taken aback by this and never cares. I feel like it takes more energy to be this blatantly rude then it would to just stand up. I realize nothing can be done about it now, but I feel a bit disrespected. Is this something I should bring up? Or should I just let this go like everything else?
Post # 2
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
Seriously? Get over it. It sounds like she’s been a pain for a while and confronting her about not standing up is just going to cause way more problems. Be nice to her but don’t expect her to change if she doesn’t want to.
Post # 3
Member
970 posts
Busy bee
I don’t see what you could say really. If you get along fine in general, don’t worry about her weirdness/odd behaviour in other ways.
Honestly, even if you don’t like how it feels, you can’t force people to respect you or keep them from being rude or weird at times. Next time something happens, maybe you can immediately ask what’s going on. But asking why she didn’t stand at your weddding would seem like you’re obsessed with her behaviour and come across odd to me. You don’t need to worry about her so much, you know. Let her be strange and keep living your life happily.
Post # 4
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
You’ll just play directly into the drama she’s trying to cause. Move on and maintain the same cordial relationship you’ve always had.
Post # 5
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
Well, if she’s Bipolar, then definitely don’t confront her. Could be dangerous😉
Post # 6
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
You need to get over it and go on with life. Stop focusing so hard on her and chances are you’ll stop finding moments to dissect. Don’t mesh well with one another then don’t try to hold a relationship. Be cordial in family situations and go your separate ways at the end. Also, no one owes anyone congrats during an engagement…I never got one from my Future Brother-In-Law and I didn’t think it was weird.
Also, is she diagnosed? Because otherwise I would refrain from judging her as “bipolar”. Nothing you have put represents bipolar behavior and many of us have loved ones that struggle with this condition.
Post # 7
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
Ignore it and move on. If she’s jealous, you taking the high road or seemingly not noticing will drive her freaking crazy, and if it’s nothing then you didn’t stir up any trouble
Post # 8
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
Sounds like some sort of weird jealousy issue or something on her part. Maybe she’s disappointed she is still not engaged. I wouldn’t say anything about it, but personally that kind of thing would really tick me off, and I would file that away in my brain and remember it if she ever asked for something.
Post # 9
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
OP – I’m going to assume she’s old enough that she should have learnt decency and manners by now, so I don’t think discussing this with her will bring sudden enlightenment. Reevaluate the reason you “let everything go” – why bother with the hassle? Let it go over your head.
soymilk: Agreed, along the same lines as being “soooo OCD” for keeping a tidy desk/neat handbag/etc.
Post # 10
Member
10 posts
Newbee
Hi I’m new here and just read this. Â You should not worry about her at all. Â Try and focus on yourself and your happines. Â Leave the past issues in the past and move forward in your life. Â Remember it is your life not hers. Â Sounds like she is the one with the issues so do not let it ruin a thing. Â Be polite to her, but not a doormat.Â
Post # 11
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
I cant see any issue…
people like to see rings
if you dont have phone numbers/facebook/email how is she suppose to invite you to things
a like on a post is a congratulations to me, what more do you want from someone you barely see (she also does care she asked Mother-In-Law for more details/pictures)
the bridal shower is a little odd but maybe she was self concous from not knowing you well or genuinly busy with something else that needed doing
and we are having people sit at ours… I tend to find it rude having people stand anyway, some people have health issues/disabilities and others just have height issues (not being big enough to see when everyone is standing) – plus every wedding ive been to had LOADS of standing around waiting to be allowed to enter (normally in heels because its a wedding) so theirs a good chance her feet and/or back hurt from standing waiting for you
Post # 12
Member
10480 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Confronting her will do nothing but add more drama to your life. Accept she’s rude and probably doesn’t like you all that much and don’t waste anymore time on her.
Post # 13
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
I would be totally annoyed. Not only is it exceptionally rude, but you know other people noticed it as well.
BUT…she only makes herself look bad. Not you, don’t stoop to her level by confronting her or making a thing of it. Let her continue to act like a b*tch all on her own.
And the whole wanting a closer picture of your ring….don’t feed the llama. No more answers to any future demands by her.
Post # 14
Member
2502 posts
Sugar bee
“I feel like it takes more energy to be this blatantly rude then it would to just stand up.“
I feel like it takes more energy to be this offended than it would to just let it all go and stop caring.
Post # 15
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
Yup, let this go. Think you would be wasting previous minutes of your life with it. More then likely she isn’t going to change her mind.