To confront SIL or not?

posted 2 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I bring this up?
    Yes : (2 votes)
    2 %
    No : (105 votes)
    95 %
    Maybe, explain below : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 16
    5495 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2019

    smartsimple:  Meh, it all seems a bit weird, but seriously, life is too short. It doesn’t sound like you have much to do with her so I would try and move past it. Not worth stiring up family drama in my opinion.

    Post # 17
    1203 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think it’s her insecurities that makes her have to compare everything to you. The fact that you are getting married and she’s not. The size/carat/specs of your ring. Someone who has nothing better to do than to be spiteful at people shouldn’t be worth your time. Move on. As they say, happiness is the best revenge.

    Post # 18
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    Personally, i would let this one go. It seems she has a chip on her shoulder which I would guess comes from jealousy over you being a bride while she is still waiting on her ring. People can get pretty self-absorbed sometimes so i’m sure it’s nothing against you. Just her own baggage unloading on your wedding day. Going forward, i would no longer include her in anything. 


    Post # 19
    3976 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    It also takes more energy to be this concerned with what she’s doing (and why and what it means) than to be like “Huh, she’s a little odd (rude, whatever). Oh well.” and go on about your business.

    You two just happen to be connected to men who came out of the same womb at some point. You didn’t pick her and she didn’t pick you. I would ignore her, for the most part.

    Post # 20
    2118 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Let what go? Nothing has happened. The girl seems kind of socially casual, which is a euphemism for, kind of clueless about the typical steps of niceness and good manners.

    I don’t like the word ‘confront’ about this, as you will come off looking like a privileged snob, that she wasn’t happy enough for you in different stages of your engagement and wedding, she didn’t make the proper fuss over you. That is crazy.

    You live your life, she lives hers, you are polite when you see her. Just like anyone else.

    Post # 21
    3366 posts
    Sugar bee

    smartsimple:  I’m voting 100% to let it go – but if you did confront her, how would you even do that? “You should have stood up and full turned around at our wedding” or “You seem jealous, please be a different person….” It would be one thing if she was consistently late – you could say that you would appreciate her being on time and you aren’t going to wait around anymore. Here, I can’t even envision how a conversation would go. Also, if you do talk to her, try to think of it as a talk, instead of confronting her. I’ve watched way too much Real Housewives to believe that “confronting” ever works out.


    Post # 22
    5327 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t think you will gain anything from confronting her.  Just let it be.

    Post # 24
    4213 posts
    Honey bee

    Confront her about what, exactly? 

    Post # 25
    372 posts
    Helper bee

    She’s obviously jealous and butt hurt about being a gf while you’re upgraded to a wife. No need to rub more salt in that wound  🙂 

    Post # 26
    1181 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I agree with all PPs. How do you even expect this convo to go?

    You: You’ve been rude to me few times, and it’s weird that you didn’t stand up when I walked down the aisle.

    Jess:  You’re totally right.  I’m such a rude person.  I’m so sorry.  I promise I will change. <hugs you and undergoes massive personality transformation>

    Let it go 😉


    Post # 27
    965 posts
    Busy bee

    I’d probably let it go. However, I can’t help but wonder if BIL realizes how rude his girlfriend is being to his brother (and you, his wife)? Rudeness to my family, or trying to cut them out of my life (like the birthday party thing) would be a MAJOR problem if I were dating someone. 

    Post # 30
    7214 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

      There is no way to say “I noticed your behavior and I thought it was rude and disrespectful” without it sounding aggressive. Sorry. Get over it. For all you know, she had  a big honkin’ run in her stocking and was self-concious about it, or maybe her feet hurt,  or (more likely) she doesn’t equate standing up as some kind of commentary on her feelings towards the bride.  

    Clearly she is at Bitch Eating Crackers stage in your eyes and if it’s not the “ZOMG SHE DIDN’T STAND UP FOR THE WHOLE 11 SECONDS WE WERE WALKING DOWN THE AISLE” then it will be something else. Stop looking for reasons to get offended.

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