(Closed) To dance or not to dance? Could use some outside perspective.

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

You should absolutely go to dance!

I think it is really important that people in couples have their own personal hobbies / activities / time / etc for doing things that they (as an individual) enjoy.  It is important to have some things that are just for you, independent from your husband.

Post # 4
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree, I find couples bond better, enjoy the time they DO have together when both individuals are able to actively persue what they are interested in.

I have 2 horses, I ride 2 nights a week and sometimes once on the weekend.

Darling Husband plays hockey Wed nights, and Friday mornings. Typically, I go riding Wed night (am home just before he leaves usually) and either Mondays or Thursdays. By the time we are both done it does crunch down on our time together – BUT… in saying that, I think we’re happier because of it. We really appreciate those few nights that we have together when we have no plans and can just “hang out”.

We really enjoy our own little hobbies and interests, and figure we might as well do as much as we can before we have kids of our own that will take even more time away from what we love to do.

So – i say, go dance!!!! :):)

Post # 5
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I sympathize – my hubby travels for work a lot so he likes when I do stuff when he is gone, but is jealous of my time if he’s in town and I have plans.

In your case, I’d say go for it but try to balance by saying you’ll make up for it by going out to dinner or a movie a different night so you have some time to do separate things and time to focus on each other.

Post # 6
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

GO dance!!!

I ride 4x a week, and by husband coaches university level hockey, 3-4 practices, typically 2 games a week. We still see each other and find time together, and even have one whole night (lol, I am mocking our busy life!) where we don’t have anything. I stopped riding after losing my horse and only recently got back in the saddle, and while I don’t know how I found the time, I am SO happy I did find riding again for so many reasons.

Post # 7
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Is it possible to come home and have dinner with Darling Husband and then go dance?

I think you should pursue your hobbies and dance, but I think what’s most important is striking a compromise you both feel good about.

Post # 8
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

For the sake of your sanity and for a happy marriage keep your independence and Dance! You need couple time but Me time is also important! 

Post # 10
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Plan a weekly date night that cant be touched, but go to dance! We have the same problem with schedules not being in synch between my grad school, workout classes and volunteering. But we try to plan at least two or three evenings or events where “us” time cant be touched.

Post # 11
1747 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Absense makes the heart grow fonder. Pursue your passions or you will resent him later. He’s pursuing his without any contention from you.

Post # 12
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Definitely go out. If it’s a weekly issue, alternate who has to give up a hobby day/night per week in favor of ‘couple time’. You shouldn’t be the one to always have to compromise on your hobbies.

Post # 13
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

So you’re supposed to sit at home alone tonight because he did it yesterday?  That is not fair.  You should try to dance when he is at band, but if it can’t be helped, then it can’t be helped.  

Go dance!  Start having breakfast, lunch, or a coffeebreak with your husband on the eveningings you’ll miss each other for dinner.  

Post # 15
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yeah, thats not right at all. 

I do think you did well in not leaving the argument to go dance because leaving issues un solved is never good, but you do need him to understand that you will have your hobbies and he will have his, and neither should have to quit. He wants to go to his band thing, and he’s not compromising. It’s not fair and it’s hurtful to your relationship, he can’t ask you to stay because he wants to be with you and then he goes to band? 

You need this to feel better about yourself, to find friends, to be happy. Try it for a few weeks in a row, both of you do your things and see each other when you can, and figure out how you both feel. I you need more time together, both must compromise. 

You also said that “other days don’t work for the other guys”, but these days don’t work anymore for Darling Husband so they can all sit down and see what they can change. It might not be perfect for all of them, but this isn’t perfect for your SH so I don’t get the difference..

Good luck!

Post # 16
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I mentioned this on another thread, and I think it applies here as well. I think its fair that you get your 2 days a week, just like him. Sucks its not the same nights, but the fact that you get one weekday night and the weekends means that you get a good amount of time to spend with each other. I think you should definitely get your nights out, and stick to your guns. As long as you both make an effort to spend some time together on the nights that you do have, then he needs to deal with you spending some time away

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