Post # 1
Had an interesting dilemma occur last night. Fiance’s mom and husband offered to help with the wedding (cover alcohol cost). While the offer is very tempting, I just don’t know if it will cause more problems to accept. My parents (divorced) have not been able to offer financial assistance, and my mom already feels terrible that she can’t help with the wedding. I know fiance’s mom doesn’t have a lot of throwaway money either.
I don’t want to offend her by declining the offer outright. I just don’t want her to spend money she may not have, and I am so worried about my mom feeling even worse about not being able to help.
How do I decline while allowing fiance’s mom to save face? Would asking her help with non-alcoholic drinks (punch, tea, coffee, water) be a good compromise?
Post # 3
i would just graciously accept, and maybe just secretly save up enough to cover the cost in case something comes up later down the line.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I think you should let them pay if they’re offering. They wouldn’t offer if they couldn’t afford it – right? And your mom should be happy that someone else is offering to help since she can’t.
Post # 5
I agree wtih Dandelphia – I would accept and assume she is able to afford it if offering. Obviously do your best to choose an inexpensive option, and there is no reason your Mom has to know. My parents still don’t know how much DH’s parents paid for.
Post # 6
I would accept it. If she offered to pay, let her. Maybe try to get a dollar amount from her, instead of “alcoholic drinks,” so you’ll be sure to stay within her budget.
I was in a similar situation: At first, my parents weren’t going to be able to help at all. And Future Mother-In-Law offered to help a lot (pay for food, drinks and flowers), and we accepted. Though for a while, FMIL wouldn’t tell us exactly how much she had to work with, so I couldn’t plan anything because I didn’t know my budget. It was very frustrating. Anyway, I think my parents were sad that they weren’t able to help out, but I think they would have felt worse if I turned down Future Mother-In-Law just to avoid hurting my parents feelings. (Does that make sense?)
As it turns out, my parents are able to help here and there, which is really awesome. And the large mount of money FMIL was going to give us is actually FH’s inheritance anyway, so it wasn’t money out of her pocket to begin with (and we decided to use it on our honeymoon instead). She’s contributing a little more (out of her own pocket), so what she’s contributing and what my parents are contributing will probably end up being close to equal. Funny how things turn out.
(I hope that made sense– it was a confusing situation for a while.)