(Closed) To Elope or Not to Elope, that is the Question! Advice Please!!!

posted 7 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Do I think it would be rude to call off wedding and give people their money back – No.  The wedding is what you and your Fiance want.  If people ask you why you changed it, just explain. Those who love  you ( the only ones that matter) will support you!

Post # 4
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I seriously considered eloping – both because of financial reasons (FI and I paid for it) and because of family drama (on my side).  When things blew up, I was forced to really question why I wanted a big wedding.  I’d encourage you to think of the same.  The hive really helped me process and I realized that even though all this family drama was going on – I had a whole community of friends and extended family that were supportive and I would rob myself of that community witnessing the marriage if I eloped.

I also worried that I’d be spending all this crazy money on one day – and wondered how I’d feel the day after.  Because, that, I figured, was the only way to know if having a wedding was really ‘worth it’.

Figuring out the ‘whys’ of why we wanted (or did not want) a wedding was a big turning point for me in terms of stress.  It helped put everything in perspective for us.

We decided we wanted to make the commitment in the presence of those we loved and that the costs were worth it…. and, in the end, that definitely was the case.  Eloping wasn’t right for us, and I knew (after the processing) that had I eloped, I always would have wondered ‘what if’.  I don’t think ‘what if I eloped’… 

Post # 5
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wanted to elope, my now-husband wanted a big wedding.  For a lot of reasons we got married in Vegas (like I always thought I would) but continued to plan a big religious ceremony with all of our friends and family for a year later.  Along the way in the planning process I would ask myself why we were still going through the big wedding, dealing with the stress, spending the money, etc.  I fought our wedding every step of the way.

And then on our wedding day, I finally got it and understood why people have the weddings.  Yes, it’s for you, but it’s for your friends and family too and there will never be another day like it in your life.  A day to be surrounded by all of that love and happiness.  All day long I was thanking my huband for pushing for a wedding, it was awesome. 

I always thought I would be satisfied by eloping and if we hadn’t had the big ceremony, I might have been.  It was simple and lovely.  But I am so happy that we had a big wedding. 

Good luck whatever you decide. 

Post # 7
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Im struggling with the same thing. I *think* we will go with the wedding b/c I just doubt that I wont regret it somewhere down the line.  We are the first of our friends to get married and I dont wanna be a bitter harpy once everyone else starts getting married and having weddings.

Post # 8
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My husband and I ended up doing both, but for us it was because of immigration so that big wedding was always the plan for later in the year.  I have to chime in with ladyox.  The civil ceremony was nice, in fact much nicer then I had envisioned that it would be, but the big wedding brought it all together with family, friends and God.  That made everything so much more complete for me then just the civil ceremony.  My father-in-law told me something a week prior to the big wedding that just made everything so very worth it:  “We saw the video of the courthouse wedding and it was lovely, but it didn’t feel real to us.  We are so glad that we get the chance to see you two get married in person and be a part of it”.

I think it’s easy to fall victim to the belief that because our weddings *aren’t* the most important topic to everyone, that it means that they aren’t interested at all, when in reality, they probably don’t have the first clue that you feel like they aren’t interested.  (did I make sense in that sentence?)  I know I had many moments where I wondered if I was really just causing a huge bother for everyone, but with that one comment from my Father-In-Law, EVERYTHING felt so very worth it ya know?

My best suggestion is to take a step back and force yourself to stop stressing on wedding stuff.  Discuss everything with your Fiance and then make a decision to go forward with the wedding or cancel it and elope.  If you choose to have the wedding, just come to an understanding with yourself that YOU are your own worst critic.  Do the best you can, but don’t sweat the small stuff.  Most people won’t notice these little details that all of us on here are so very anxious about.  Most of all, remember that the wedding IS just one day and the important thing is the marriage that follows.  Remember also that the marriage will involve both of your families to an extent as well.  

Best of luck!!

Post # 10
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I feel you, we just paid our DJ last night, Luckily i am fortunate enough to have my parents pay a majority of wedding expenses but that doesnt mean i dont feel sick to my stomach about the money i have spent or made them spend. I was talking to Fiance in the car last night that if i could do it all over i would def plan a destination wedding. Even though they can be just as expensive it would be alot more intimate rather than putting together this huge party for a ton of guests. I dont know if i would elope, only because i want my family and his family there but my original idea was a destination wedding with just him immediate family and my immediate family which is about 22 people total for a few days somewhere warm and fun. you just need to follow your heart and do what will make you happy, i knew that i would regret the typical wedding experience in future years so that is why i stuck with having your traditional wedding.

Post # 11
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@morgobride:  I’m glad I could help!  I wish you the best of luck on everything.  ๐Ÿ™‚  I’m always a PM away if you need an ear.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@morgobride: also – give yourself some time and process it over a period of time.  I took about a week or so to really contemplate it (after the height of my breaking point).  Time really helps bring perspective and clarity.  I know you mentioned being really stressed out – are there certain aspects that you are finding more stressful than not?  Perhaps we can come up with ways to alleviate that stress (aside from the normal stress of planning!!!)

Post # 14
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@morgobride:  Like I said, anytime.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This is the same thing I was going through. I wanted a big wedding but there are too many things that made me keep going back to the thought of just heading somewhere tropical with my love & getting married. My parents are divorced and don’t have the best relationship but I would’ve wanted both of them there which probably would have been awkward for both of them.

Ultimately you have to do what you and your fiancé are comfortable with and won’t regret. I think as long as you make a decision based off of what you all are comfortable with you won’t regret it in the end!

Were heading to the Sandals resort in Negril, Jamaica & getting their wedding moon package. I just want to be married and not thinking about planning a wedding anymore , it is stressful & I was like you and thinking about all the other things the  money for the wedding could have been going towards. Laughing

Post # 16
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am seriously thinking of eloping now. Thing is, I thought I could plan this all on my own in a few months with no help. I don’t have close family to help me at all, not one close family member(which is another reason I would like to elope cause of literally no family on my side). Though, I have had a few friends offer to help. For some lame reason which I am not even sure of yet, lol, we bumped it up to the 18th of Dec. and paid a deposit on the photographer. My fiance really hasn’t planned anything..I have done it all and I have been seriously cracking bad. My fiance just really doesn’t seem to understand the details of wedding planning..I just get a “oh ya, that’s sounds cool” vibe. I come up with all the planning stuff..and it’s like..”ya, cool babe.”. All the weight is on me and I can’t even take a breather anymore. I have been freaking so bad…and broke down so much..I literally begged my FH to get eloped sooner. I really can’t handle the time crunch and if we don’t get eloped, it will more than likely somehow be pushed to Jan. I just can’t hang..it’s been too much..my DREAM? A DESINATION WEDDING! That’s my total dream, but he wants some/all of his fam there..which freaks me the hell out. It really does, they are paying for it..and we talked to them cause I am freaking so bad..but they said it’s totally fine if we get eloped. I just felt since they were paying all this money towards it..it would have to be super fancy..but I am falling apart at the seams…so. We talked to them and they are cool with whatever we want to do..it’s just so hard, I am only trying to have a “real” ceremony to please my man and his parents..but me?? I am so not happy at all, miserable just in a horrible spot so..elope may be the final outcome. IT’S NOT RUDE TO ELOPE..I thought this too. But you have to do what YOU want or I heard you regret it. Do WHAT YOU WANT, not what you think others want..trust me it’s not worth it. People will just be happy to see you happy and married, now if I can just listen to this advice for myself! Good luck! Haha, we live in Nevada..so umm eloping is REAL easy here! Why not? Right?

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