(Closed) To email or not email??? Also any suggestions on credit report problems :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Email FBIL? And if I get the info needed just surprise FI with it?
    Yes email him and don't tell FI until you hear back from FBIL. : (4 votes)
    24 %
    Ask FI if I can email FBIL first. : (1 votes)
    6 %
    Stay out of it since I'm not the co-signer on the loan & we're not even married yet. : (12 votes)
    71 %
  • Post # 3
    1763 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Is there any way you could talk with FI’s parents? They might be able to get a hold of your BIL and tell him what to do, they also might be able to contact the school. What a shitty situation.

    Post # 5
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I really dont think you should get involved. Your Fiance should handle the communication between him and his brother, Personally I think he is being way too soft on his brother. you should talk with your Fiance to be tougher on the brother for his brother to understand that this is not acceptable and that there will be consequences for this selfish act, but if your Fiance cant be tougher Its really  not your place to email the brother

    Post # 6
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would leave this between your Fiance, your Future In-Laws, and Future Brother-In-Law – if for nothing else, to simplify things.

    So sorry this is happening. 🙁  I hope someone’s able to shake some sense into your Future Brother-In-Law.

    Post # 9
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    @bells: Ditto. I had a somewhat similar situation with my Fiance and her family. You can definitely speak to your Fiance about your concerns but even once your are married, this was a decision he made pre-marriage. It’s not worth the stress for you. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it, though. I can totally empathize. 🙁

    Post # 10
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    If we lived in a perfect world, I would say leave it to your Fiance and avoid the conflict. But, we don’t, and if you it takes you to light a fire under everyone’s a$$, i think you need to step in and do whatever it takes to secure your future. If I saw my Fiance was taking a “nice guy” approach when the best solution would be a swift kick to the balls, I’d be out there kicking. Sometimes you have to go against what is “right” and do what is going to work. I would:

    1) Write an email to your Future Brother-In-Law and cc your Fiance stating all of the things in your life that are being affected by his actions

    2) Include a detailed plan of everything he needs to do in order to remedy the situation with a strict timeline of when it needs to be done

    3) Clearly lay out the consequences if he does not follow through (i.e. being cut out of your lives until he mans up and realizes how he’s hurting everyone around him who love him and have only been trying to help)

    4) If he doesn’t follow through, take him to

    court. This is obviously his debt and if your Fiance is now paying it, he deserves a judgement to get paid back. The court can garnish your FBILs wages so he won’t get a chance to drink his salary before you get ahold of it.

    I know I sound like a bitch, but I have no tolerance for lazy losers who try to take everyone down with them.

    Post # 11
    3041 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    @CanAmBride: AGREE!

    I really think you should let him know how its affecting you.

    I would ask him to go with you to the school (I’m assuming its local) this week to get that proof you need & then keep a copy & fax it to wherever it needs to go.

    If Future Brother-In-Law has to pay the loan payments now, will he write YOU a check every month & you pay his bill for him? People don’t usually learn how to manage money/ change their lifestyle over night.

    Sometimes, if Future Brother-In-Law authorizes it, he can make your Fiance an authorized person (idk what its called) to get statements/ late notices/ etc the same time as your Future Brother-In-Law gets them. I was co-signed with someone & the bank offered this to my co-signer. So ask them if there’s any way to add your Fiance to the notices, etc. Try doing a 3 way call to the bank, or if you can go in in person, I always suggest that 1st.

    Post # 12
    375 posts
    Helper bee

    @CanAmBride: I’m not sure how effective court would be since the Fiance *did* co-sign the loan… that right there says he was willing to take the risk and told the lender he’d pay if the Future Brother-In-Law didn’t, which is where he is now.

    Though I’m really surprised that the lender didn’t contact the co-signor already–usually if it gets to collections they’re trying to collect from anyone they can!

    @nickels: Technically, it’s not your fight, so good for you for holding off on the email. Just be supportive to your Fiance and lend a hand where and when he asks. It’s tough, but it’s the best option.

    If I’m understanding correctly and your Fiance has brought the account current, writing a letter to the 3 credit reporting agencies explaining that fact and the circumstances wouldn’t hurt. It may not clear it off his credit report immediately, but you are allowed to dispute items on a credit report in an attempt to clean things up. Beats waiting 7 years for it to drop off the report on it’s own!

    Post # 13
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I had a friend who co -signed on her ex husband’s loans.  She has been paying them to keep up with them because he will not.  She went to court and was awarded a judgment for him to pay her the full amount of the loan, but he usually changes jobs frequently and mysteriously, so she has a hard time keeping up with him.  When she does find him, she will apply for a wage garnishment and get a few payments.  Unfortunately, since he signed, he is liable.

    The topic ‘To email or not email??? Also any suggestions on credit report problems :(’ is closed to new replies.

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