To end my engagement for good

posted 11 months ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
7240 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.

There’s so much nope here. Nope.

Post # 17
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee

Time to move on, Bee. Hugs.

Post # 18
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

He shouldn’t move in unless he can stand on his own two feet.

Post # 19
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

The most important thing you said is that your kids don’t like him. End of story. Listen to your children! 

Post # 20
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee

You shouldn’t marry anyone you’re not 100% sure about marrying

And marrying someone because it would be ’embarrassing’ to break off an engagement is a terrible reason to marry – I can guarantee divorcing shortly after the wedding will be far more embarrassing than breaking off the engagement shortly before the wedding.

Also, does this guy actually work?  Presumably, if he lives with family, he’s able to save most of his income, so why does he only have $20,000 saved?  Not enough detail from your post to be sure, but it sounds as if he might be seeing you as his meal ticket to home ownership and a cushy lifestyle.

Post # 21
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
@jasmin71:  Listen to your gut feeling–whatever that may be. If you feel hesitant or like you’re being controlled, the warning is there for a reason. If you feel like you would be putting yourself in a bad position financially, then you probably would. There is a difference between fear and necessary caution. Poor lifestyle habits (eating, smoking, etc.) do rub off on a partner. See if he can somehow meet you half way on all these issues for now and don’t allow yourself to be guilted into anything. If you can’t shake the feeling something is off in the situation, then I would listen to it.

Post # 22
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

I don’t assume he has nefarious intents and is using you. I wouldn’t even say that your children not liking him is a dealbreaker—lots of kids wouldn’t accept *anyone* during the dating stage. But it certainly doesn’t sound like you should marry him. From your post, I’m not even sure if you’re in love with him or if this is more of a companionship type of relationship. “He’s not as into healthy eating as I am” isn’t really the kind of thing that would make you question the decision to get married if you have a real bond and deep love. But I suspect that for you it’s more of a symptom of general irresponsibility? If you’re not in love, if he’s not making any effort with the kids, if he’s not a reliable person with his life in order, and if he’s a financial risk rather than a partner, I’m not seeing any reason for marriage or, frankly, for the relationship.

Post # 23
Member
1484 posts
Bumble bee

 

View original reply
@jasmin71:  I think you should review your previous threads. There’s very little positives about this relationship. You said your “ASD son” doesn’t want him to come over anymore like he said it because he’s on the spectrum and not because he regularly sees how volatile and selfish the guy is. 

Post # 24
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@mrssouthernfairytale:  agree! OP you have known this needed to end for at least a YEAR. Please just end it already.

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