Post # 1
I’ve never commented on a post if I didn’t think I had anything constructive and positive to add. I guess that’s why I’m mostly a reader and not much of a commenter. Considering that @engagedandnormal said she has another handle, it was out of line for someone to tell her WB may not be the place for her just because she finds the waiting board a little weird. @MrBee – I don’t know if your admin status allows you to tell if @engagedandnormal used her original handle to help her cause. IF you accused her of doing so without any proof that would be pretty rude.
Most posters jumped in to say the waiting board is all warm fuzzies – it’s not. If you look at the current posts, the vibe is not all positive. When I scan the page here are some words I see: ticked-off . . . holding out . . . obsessed . . . frustrated . . . sending a prayer . . . Christmas challenge . . . engagement season . . . That’s just the first page as I’m writing this.
From a person who hasn’t been planning her wedding since grade school, I didn’t totally understand the perspective of someone waiting either. I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad but both sides need to be recognized. My personal opinion is that the waiting board may not be a good thing for SOME of the bees. The fact that two waiting bees made that same decision today makes me think that may be true.
Post # 3
I haven’t seen the OP but now i’m curious to read it…
Post # 4
But I have to say I agree with you that the waiting board is possibly not good for some bees– and probbaly a good reason why two bees have chosen to take awhile off the boards in the past 24 hours…
Its hard to say for each person what is ok– because we’re all different, but I can see that constantly reading and making threads on WB period to a person who is hoping for an engagement can be almost like a suicide. I didnt even really start reading WB until after my SO and I went and looked at engagement rings, and while I am *waiting* I do know that it is in the midst, i just don’t know exactly when.
For a majority of the waiting girls it appears to be another case. That theyve been with their SOs for awhile and are hoping for an engagement soon. I feel like even in my shoes being on WB has caused me to talk about the engagement/wedding plans even more, but again, we’re all different. I would just hate to have a relationship end because they felt pressured or drove themselves crazy “waiting.”
Post # 6
I know there a ladies who have been waiting for that proposal since grade school. Not being one of those women, I also find the Waiting board to be a little over the top sometimes. So while this person was perfectly in their right to express their opinion (this is the internet, after all), I could tell you without reading the original post that it wouldn’t have been taken well. I continue to traverse this board because I have found the folks involved to be very understanding and well-meaning. But being told just because we find the “waiting desperately for that proposal so much that I ask my SO every day where that ring is and when is it going to be on my hot little finger” posts to be a little overwhelming, is no reason to say that we don’t belong here.
Just my .02. 🙂
Post # 7
Hey lily_dsm – I definitely think engagedandnormal is entitled to her opinion! And I completely agree that both sides of the debate can and should be recognized.
I think the reaction to engagedandnormal’s posts from other waiting board members came because some people felt a bit judged because the words “weird” and “odd” were used to describe the waiting brides several times. 🙁
Also, the account name (created just for this thread) was “engaged and normal”… which perhaps implied that if you’re not engaged and you’re on Weddingbee, you’re not normal.
In any case – whether you’re engaged or waiting, I think and hope we can all co-exist on Weddingbee! All are welcome, but we do ask that everyone treat each other with respect in the comments! 🙂
ps I do think the waiting boards are a bit busier lately because the holidays are comin’ up – the holiday season is almost always the peak time of year for engagements! 🙂
Post # 8
Lily, while I appreciate your concern for many of members on the waiting board, I feel like it’s neither your nor anyone else’s right to judge who should or shouldn’t be on WB or the waiting boards. Seeing that the internet is pretty much unregulated, users have to use their best judgement about where they should be and when, like two of our girls have today.
Many of us are frustrated, but all our circumstances are different. Yes, I’m waiting for a proposal and yes, I’m sometimes frustrated when I hear about someone else getting engaged even though they’ve been dating for a shorter period of time. It’s frustrating, and thankfully the girls on the waiting board are in the exact same boat I’m in!
They are a great group of girls and while many of us are waiting and/or frustrated, it also doesn’t dominate our lives nearly as much as you apparently think it does. The girls on the waiting board, as a general rule, are incredibly supportive of eachother and excited when one of us graduates. We jump in just as often on the regular boards and posts as any of the engaged users, and we don’t begrudge anyone of that.
For my own defense, I will have an exactly 5 month engagement before I get married thanks to having to move next August with my then-husband. That’s not alot of time to start from scratch if I were to start planning in February, when we’ll be getting engaged, so I’m starting now. Occasionally I do get frustrated, but our reasons for waiting to get engaged are valid and at the end of the day, I know that, as do most of the girls. The ones that don’t also know that, and that’s why they’ve taken the steps that they have. The two girls that left today are not the first, and they certainly won’t be the last.
Post # 9
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I feel like a lot of people see the girls on the waiting boards as being “obsessed” with getting engaged, etc. but don’t think about the fact that this is probably the ONLY place where they talk about it! I know when I was still waiting I really wanted to join WB (and would have if I would have had any idea how active the waiting boards are) just because I didn’t really have anyone to talk wedding stuff to, and it would have been nice.
I don’t think these girls are obsessed with getting engaged, I just think that on a website dedicated to weddings in a board dedicated to those that are waiting to get engaged, of course that’s what they’re going to talk about! That doesn’t mean it’s all they think about in real life.
Just wanted to throw my two cents in.
Post # 10
I feel that it’s not for us to judge what is normal or not. Everything taken in moderation is fine. I personally feel that some posters may come across as overly aggressive or obsessive but that’s just internet posting. We don’t really how who they’re really like in real life. Some posters are very expressive and some are just more demure. We also don’t know every context/details of why they’re posting the things they’re posting.
Also, just because you’re engaged and on WB, doesn’t make you more normal than another who’s waiting. Some engaged girls are also overly obsessive about other things (e.g. dress, fonts, colors) just not the proposal to the point that anyone could find disturbing. So …just keep an open mind and if you don’t like what you’re seeing, you don’t have to read it.
Post # 11
Where is the original thread you guys are talking about?
Post # 12
honestly, who are we to judge them for “waiting”? I know it is not the exact same, but would you judge someone after a broken engagement or a divorce?
Maybe if it was our sister, and we had the full story, we might be concerned in this situation, but I don’t think you can assume everyone on “waiting” is just wedding obsessed…h3ck, does being engaged mean you aren’t that way, either? You could be engaged but only focus on the wedding and not the marriage…I don’t think judging is the role of WB, but it’s a good way to get input, ideas and support.
Overall, I have had an amazing experience on WB, and I’m glad that we have someone like Mr. Bee who makes sure it stays that way! However, I do think brides would like the option to not have ‘waiting’ in the ‘all’ list. I’m not one of them, but it’s just an idea, if there was some way to customize this view. Now that there are so many boards, I usually just read ‘all’ as well, but I like ‘waiting’ since I was there when I joined and now I’m happily married…hopefully I can encourage the ladies!
Post # 13
Um, not to be a b**** but I think we’re kind of beating a dead horse here.
We’re all wierd and obsessive about something. Let’s move on!
Post # 14
@cannotwait – Can you create an idea here, about possibly allowing members to “hide” posts from certain boards from their main boards view?
If there’s interest, that’s definitely something we could consider building! 🙂
Post # 15
Can’t we all just get along?
Please, no “30+ board” redux.
Post # 16
Ah, perfect example. I always misspell “weird” and have to correct myself. Doh!