To file an OP or not?

posted 1 year ago in Legal
  • poll: Should I file an Order of Protection?
    Yes, do it now. : (29 votes)
    78 %
    Yes, wait until you close on the house : (2 votes)
    5 %
    No, it will only make things worse. : (6 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    6936 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

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    futuremrss17 :  I don’t know any answers to any of the legal questions but the #1 thing you need to do RIGHT NOW is find another place to stay. He knows where you are, is very angry, and has guns. Bee, you need to leave NOW. Your safety is the first priority. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    1405 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

    futuremrss17 :  If you’re saying he could lose his FOID, that means you’re probably somewhere in IL.  As someone who is very well-versed in firearm laws and regulations, particularly in IL, I would not hesitate to file an OP.  Any gun shop would turn him away and not sell to him if he went in there even a fraction that angry, and you shouldn’t have to concern yourself with his rights if he’s already threatening you.  If he wanted to keep those rights, then he shouldn’t have lost control of himself.  Screw his FOID – file.

    Post # 18
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2019

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    futuremrss17 :  How did it go today? Hoping all went well for you. Praying that it did. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    11259 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

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    futuremrss17 :  

    There is a lot to consider here, Bee.  It’s very easy for everyone to tell you to get the OP because they don’t have to deal with the potential blow back.

    An OP is a piece of paper, not a magic amulet.  It can’t stop bullets.  Women are killed all the time with restraining orders in their purses.

    The people who probably have the best practical insight are your local police officers and the staff at your DV facility.  It’s all well and good for judges and lawyers to advise you to get an OP.  It lets them feel like they have done all they can do for you.

    In general, restraining orders are very effective against law abiding citizens. Against criminal or potential criminals, all bets are off.

    And again, we have to move from the theoretical to the real.  Sure, technically the OP means his guns are subject to confiscation.  Does that mean the police will race to his house in full assault gear as soon as the ink is dry?  Nope. Find out how the actual process of confiscation works in your jurisdiction, in real life.

    Does he have any buddies who would loan him a gun based on some bs excuse if his actually were taken? These guys usually do.  He probably has his little pals convinced that he’s afraid of you. Abusers pull this shit all the time.

    So, Bee, you have to balance the likelihood of his compliance with an OP against the possibility of enraging him further. These guys hate public humiliation, and that is just how they see it.  In his head, he is the victim here.  

    Please be proactive.  Take every other step to keep yourself and your dog safe.  If you go forward with the OP, don’t assume that it will protect you.  It may make it easier to have him arrested if he shows up, and he may lose his guns, temporarily.  Know what the typical police response time is in your area.  Talk to the police, ask for extra patrols.

    Contact the DV Hotline and get more help with safety planning. 

     

    Home – The Hotline®

    Post # 20
    Member
    4475 posts
    Honey bee

    Personally, I would not file for it now as it will likely make things worse. I would focus on finding another place to live. I would also see if you can work remotely (if that is possible) or at another location until things calm down a bit. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    213 posts
    Helper bee

    How did it go? I’m glad you are getting legal help from the shelter – they can help you further protect yourself, please take them up on it. Thinking of you during this difficult time 

    Post # 22
    Member
    425 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    I was reading through and thought, yeah, you should get it. And then I got to the part where you said he has a gun. Don’t wait a second. Get it immediately!

    Post # 24
    Member
    1608 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    futuremrss17 :  good to hear. As you noted,  the OP is just a piece of paper. It *might* make a cop care a bit more if you have to call to report him about something. That’s it. Therefore, take whatever steps you feel necessary to feel and be safe (move, change numbers, delete social media, carry a weapon yourself, lay low for a while, etc.) 

    I was stalked in college by a man I did not know. The police did NOTHING to help me. Nothing. The dispatcher laughed at me (really, bitch?) and the sergeant told me that until he physical touches me they can’t do anything to him. That experience taught me to watch out for myself bc the cops are basically a glorified cleanup crew for after shit happens. They rarely prevent crime, let alone care to.

    I usually carry pepper spray with me now after that experience.

    ETA: sometimes OPs need to list addresses where he would need to stay away from. If you arent comfortable with him knowing where you may be, keep that in mind.

    Also, just to be safe, you may want to delete this thread in case he finds it.

    Post # 25
    Member
    6936 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

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    futuremrss17 :  OP, did you move? Please take this seriously. Your immediate safety is in danger. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    1608 posts
    Bumble bee

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    futuremrss17 :  your deed is a publicly recorded document, so if it’s searchable through your local assessors or recorder of deeds,  that maY be how he found out.

    Post # 29
    Member
    6936 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

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    futuremrss17 :  Can you stay in a hotel for a while? Get out of town for a bit? Your divorce just went through and I feel like from what you’ve described right now is a really volatile time to be somewhere where he knows where you are. I worry for you Bee. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    9133 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

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    futuremrss17 :  please be safe. I’m glad you have extra security in place but I would still try to stay somewhere else until the house settles and you’re fully rid of him. 

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