(Closed) to follow the heart, or to follow mind?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t get how this is a head vs. heart question.

You haven’t even been together for a year and you broke up with him after he didn’t propose to you.  That doesn’t seem very logical to me.  I’m also guessing that you are below the age of 25.  

Sure, he brought it up and got your hopes up, but really, what’s the rush?  It seems as if he did the smart thing by postponing things.  

I think you acted in an over emotional manner.  If you want to be with him, then take him back and give him time.  It’s better than he’s realizing the gravity of marriage and you really don’t want him proposing because you’re pressuring him, do you?

If you just want to get married, stat…..then you did the right thing.

Post # 4
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but the questions you brought up are intesely personal ones, not ones someone else can make for you. 

 

I think that taking time apart to evaluate the seriousness of the situation,and to understand what it is you actually want and how you actually feel. That said, regardless, a March marriage may not be the best thing for you no matter what.

You have to figure out what you want, then you as a couple have to decide what is best for you both. 

Post # 5
Member
9201 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I have to ask, why on earth do you feel the need to get married in March?  If you’ve been together for less than a year and love each other very much (as it sounds like you do), just keep being in a great relationship for now!  I know if can be hard to get past the idea of a wedding after you’ve been thinking about it, but it does sound like you were / wanted to rush into things.  I think he was pretty logical about not rushing.  I think you should try to get him back, tell him you’re not pushing for an engagement any time soon and are happy as is, and then give it at least another year….

Post # 6
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OK, I don’t know how old you are, but 10 years ago, I very nearly got engaged to my then boyfriend aged 18. We’d been together about a year, but we loved each other very much and didn’t see ourselves splitting. Over the next few weeks, we realised it was too soon and stopped telling everyone – the “engagement” fizzled out, but we stayed together.

About 9 years later, he proposed again in Florence, Italy, we married this August and I haven’t regretted a moment of our relationship. Our wedding was perfect, and we’ve got an amazing future ahead of us. We enjoyed being young, travelled, had new experiences together. We didn’t need to be married to do this.

Think hard about ending the relationship – from the sounds of your story, you don’t need to.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i think you should talk to him… i mean… less that a year is not that much time.

I think you should go back with him, but tell him you do want to get married, maybe not this year or next one, but eventually, talk about REALISTIC timelines.

 

Post # 13
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Now that I’m engaged after waiting for years…all I can honestly say ALWAYS go with your heart. You guys been together for less than a year so take some time and continue to enjoy dating each other again! Best of luck 

Post # 14
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

I think I’m in the minority on this one. I can definitely see where you’re coming from. If my SO said he wasn’t sure about spending his life with me and was having doubts, I would take a step back and take a long, hard look at the relationship.

It wouldn’t be about not getting married in March, it would be about his doubts about our relationship and pursuing marriage with me.

Post # 15
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

First, you haven’t even been together a whole year. You can definitely give the relationship more time. I mean, forever is forever, so in another year you will be done with school, and still be together. Why not give it more time?

Second, you mislead him with regard to your real reasons. You told him it was because you wanted to plan a wedding, but really, it was to make your parents happy or get their approval. Starting a relationship/marriage on these terms is not great. You need to learn to communicate, fully, and honestly, be open with each other.

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