- 5 years ago
Where the hell to start with this,its going to be long and im a bit of a mess so if i ramble please excuse me
I knew my husband many years ago (were both late 40’s) but went many years without so much as bumping into each other. We reconnected thru relatives and spent a year or so being friends. When i say friends,we did not meet up in person,just spoke via phone most nights. We shared stories of our lives over the years,talked about ex’s etc and this one ex seemed to be a nightmare.Too long to go into detail but in my head i labelled her ”toxic”. They still had a fair amount of contact but some of the stuff he told me i was like ”wtf” at and i think he finally started to see what a nasty evil person She was. Turns out later his whole family had been trying to tell him the same but i digress.
Anyways,we talked a lot and both started to like each other a lot and decided to meet up. Boom! Sparks flew and he asked me out on a date. On the date we both knew there was a massive connection but i was very wary of this one ex. I said if he wanted to stay in contact with her then i wouldnt want to enter any kind of relationship with him. He said he would cut off contact with her and did exactly that. The first month or so she was a pain in the ass. He showed me her texts begging him to not cut off contact,that she still loved him (after like 5 years!)he replied bk that he wanted things to work with me and that i was his priority. One night she rang and he put her on speakerphone,he lost it with her,told her to go the f away and leave us alone. She was telling him to continue speaking to her but to just delete the messages so i wouldnt know. Thats when i lost it and shouted down the phone at her. He then deleted her number
We didnt hear from her for a couple weeks then she rang again.He showed me the call log on his phone (about 3 seconds long)he’d answered because he hadnt saved her number and didnt know who it was. I messaged her thru facebook then and told her in no uncertain terms that she needed to back the f**k away or id take his phone with all her messages on and show it to her fiance (and father of her child).
At around this time he gave me his password for his phone bill and said that if i wanted to check anytime i could. I did a couple of times but nothing was there and that was that/ We got engaged and planned our wedding. His birthday was July just gone and she text him a happy birthday wish. He responded back,thanks but who is this,she responded with her name. I left it and didnt think much of it as he’d again showed me and wasnt going to go to the effort of messaging her man over this one text.
We had gotten through another big issue (alchohol) and he had been sober for nearly the whole time we had been together. I say nearly the whole time as the first month or so was him weaning off the drink,which he did fairly easily,which surprised us both
Anyways….now to the part which has completely f****d me up. We had a big fall out in September. He went back to his house (currently between tennants) and we had some space to cool down (we are both fiery). We spent about a week apart.I strongly suspected he was drinking during this time and when we sorted things out he did admit to drinking again. Obviously i was not happy with that but guess that was his coping strategy and like i say,he didnt drink again and all was well again
Fast forward to last week. He asked me to check his phone bill as it was higher than normal and he couldnt check it himself as his work pc was down. So i did…………On 2 of the days that he was at his house have a guess who he had spoken to…..THAT ex. Turns out she had been for lunch next to his workplace the day or day after we fell out (she goes there once a year) and she rang him asking him if he was ok. Then that evening he text her. 4 times. The following day was 16 texts and a 23 minute phone call. WTF?????!!!
I have no problem with him speaking to anyone,but her? Nope nope nope. Why would he even want to? Yes i know she rang him first. Yes i know he was drunk. Yes i know he is absolutely devastated because iv lost the plot and told him to leave.
Was i too rash? Should i somehow let this go?If i do how the hell do i get past this?
What would you do? I cant even think straight