(Closed) to forgive or not to forgive

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

You guys….she says the ex keeps telling her guy that she’s still in love with him and to keep their conversations private from her. So yeah. I’d act the same way too.

But it sounds like a genuine mistake. And this ex is seriously starting to act like a stalker. I would change phone numbers and threaten legal action if she doesn’t leave him alone. 

Post # 17
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

 

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janedw:  Fair enough. 

Post # 18
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

I’d be pissed, but it’s not like he slept with her. This type of situation will be different for everyone based on how secure you are in yourself and your relationship. 

Post # 19
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

You should be with someone who respects you enough  to eliminate her from his life- without you telling him too.

I am not saying that you should be with someone else- but then he needs to really look into his heart and see where his loyalties are

Someone will get hurt- he needs to figure out who hes willing to hurt, you or this other woman. And if he chooses correctly he needs to take bigger steps to do that- change his number etc…

Or maybe you should reach out to her… tell him to stop being that woman, don’t yell or cuss because that just gives her more power. As nicely as possible tell her to eff off 🙂

Post # 21
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

OHHHHH So she’s crazy 

Get him a new phone for christmas.
(with a new number)

 

have you talked to him about this- like really talked-
Why he talked to her, why they went out

 

Post # 22
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

 

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hurtwife:  By the way, she isn’t the real problem. The alcohol is. He needs to get that under control.

Post # 25
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

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hurtwife:  None of your business… ? 
I commend your strength, because If My husband said that to me I would laugh a super crazy laugh and then probably have a rage blackout. Obviously he knew it was the wrong thing to say if he backtracked and tried to tell you what they talked about. But it’s not really WHAT they talked about… it is the WHY they talked.

Why did he turn to her when he was drunk and upset? Was it to hurt you, or is it something deeper?

Post # 26
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

And I agree with another Bee who said she is not the problem… the alcohol is 🙁

Post # 28
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

To forgive or not to forgive? I don’t see the part where he’s asking for forgiveness..

He didn’t hide anything to you.. You guys are having problems to the point where he left for an entire week and opened up the lines of communication to his toxic ex again (the ex you’ve known about from the start). He specifically asked you to pull the bill, if he were hiding something wouldn’t he.. You know? Hide it from you.

To be honest.. I think you both sound immature.. You fight to the point where you spend a week apart, you’re messaging his ex on Facebook telling her to leave him alone, and he’s connecting with an ex on and off throughout your relationship.. And chooses to contact her when he’s  fighting with you. He also seems to have a serious drinking problem, that he’s not seeking help for.

For the time being, the ex doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and will always be in your orbit, can you live with that? Along with his alcohol issues.

 

Post # 29
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

I think he needs some help and unfortunately he needs the kind of help that you can’t give him. 
Only then do you guys stand a chance, 🙁

Post # 30
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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hurtwife:  this doesnt seem like a man that is ready- not to be sober and not to settle down and leave his past in the past. He may genuinely care for you, but he is not in the right place to be the right kind of guy that you deserve. The fact that you have all of this suspicion and drama clouding your relationship is completely toxic.

I think you need to take some time apart and evaluate everything. I wouldn’t be able to live like that.

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