(Closed) To get married before the wedding ceremony or to wait…

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
2716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well it would be your actual wedding.  I can’t tell you if it will make your later “wedding” less special or not since I’ve never been married, but I can give you my opinion as a guest.  If you plan to tell people, then I don’t see a problem with it – you can get legally married beforehand and then have a nice marriage blessing and receoption.  As long as you were upfront and honest, I would still love to come celebrate and show my support.  (However, you just have to be aware that people might not be as excited for your wedding celebration since you’re already married.)

If you don’t plan to tell people, then I think it’s a very bad idea.  I think it’s terribly rude to lie to all your friends and family and let them think you are not married and invite them to a fake wedding.  I know I’d be pissed.


Post # 4
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

personally, i think this could be more of a headache than it’s worth. Sure, you get your moment, but changes are at least a few of your guests may be offended by this, especially if you keep it a secret (which I’m not sure you coud do, because the officiant can’t pronounce you husband and wife at the end if you’re already married, can he/she?). Plus, you’ll have the awkwardness of two anniversaries, and people in general not being as excited about the party. Honestly, I would be a bit miffed as a guest if the couple did this for reasons other than insurmountable logistics (military, immigration, etc).

Post # 5
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

We did this but for logistical reasons. My brother was our officiant but not ordained in anything but awesome brotherness, so we went to the County Clerk’s Office a few days before and signed the paper. Now, I’ll tell you this story so you have some understanding of how UNromantic this can be. Our Clerk told us MULTIPLE times (I’m talking every other sentence when we were going through the paper work), “But I don’t wanna do a ceremony…” Whining. She whined the. whole. time. about not wanting to marry us. I found myself justifying our relationship to this moron: “Oh, well… I mean, we’ve been together for 6 years, this isn’t a quickie sort of thing… Our wedding is on Saturday… Ya know, we really love each other…” And nothing would quiet her. Finally, once the ceremony came, she took us into a sort of back room and began YELLING whatever it was that she said. We chose not to exchange rings because we would do that at our wedding, so I remember nothing except for us cracking up because the whole thing was so ridiculous and saying “I absolutely do.” I know some JOP type weddings can be beautiful… but not all are. I wish I had responded, “Well can you find someone who does want to marry us?” but alas, my brain was shocked at her lack of professionalism, I was pretty much a bumbling idiot trying to justify my reasons for getting married. 

That sad, we loved having it be our little secret, and for the week, we snuck around calling each other husband and wife. I told my family and friends, he opted not to tell his. Our wedding day was still super special. Actually, a lot of things went wrong and I was comforted knowing that we were already married. 

Also, we refer to that as our “Marriage Day” and obviously use it on all official documents, but our wedding day is our wedding day– and that’s our anniversary.

Sorry this was so long… just wanted to share our experience.

Post # 7
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We did and I have no regrets and we are looking forward to the second ceremony. We wanted just us and then we will share our vows with our parents and close friends. MUch less stress I tell you 🙂

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