(Closed) To gift or not to gift?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
8857 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

daniellemc:  Do you want to congratulate them and give them a token of your love and affection, or not? That’s what it comes down to. A gift isn’t a cover charge for the wedding, where no wedding = no gift. If you love them and want to help them celebrate, then give them a gift. If you’re pissed that they couldn’t afford a big shindig or you just plain don’t care about them, then don’t give a gift.

Post # 3
Member
47202 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

daniellemc:  My decision to gift and the choice of that gift is based on my relationship with the couple- not their choice of wedding. If you are happy for them, and want to celebrate their marriage, why wouldn’t you send them a gift? It will likely be less expensive than if you were invited to the wedding, whether that was in Vegas, or at home.

Post # 4
Member
47202 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

Daisy_Mae:  well said!

Post # 5
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

daniellemc:  you don’t *have* to gift, you can just send a card. 

Post # 7
Member
8857 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

daniellemc:  You’re making it about you. It sounds like the whole reason they eloped was to avoid having to cut people since they didn’t have the budget for everyone they wanted (probably including you). So rather than stress out and go into debt trying to host a party for everyone, they had an intimate ceremony with their parents and siblings. I don’t see anything wrong with that. Your reaction is probably exactly why they chose that route. They knew some people would end up hurt if they had a “wedding” with some friends and family but not others, whereas most people will understand a tiny almost-elopement with just the innermost nuclear family. I can understand grandma being upset, but a cousin should get it and be happy for the couple instead of disappointed for themselves.

Post # 8
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Your reaction to this is pretty selfish, IMO. You should be happy for your cousin, not mad that they couldn’t afford/didn’t want to have a big wedding. 

If it were my cousin I would send him a gift. Since there’s no registry I would send a card with cash or a gift card. Wedding presents aren’t about some sort of repayment to the couple for the reception, they’re about sending your well wishes to the happy couple, and helping them start their marriage off well.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  luckyshot.
Post # 9
Member
47202 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You sure sound pissed  to me.

If you care enough about them to be so hurt that you weren’t invited to an intimate elopement, one would think you would care enough about them to want to send your best wishes, and a gift.

Post # 10
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

They actually told you they didn’t want you there?

The topic ‘To gift or not to gift?’ is closed to new replies.

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