(Closed) to gift (or not to gift) a couple that didn't give us a gift

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
6941 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Would you have given them a gift if their wedding was BEFORE yours? If the answer is yes, then give a gift. Don’t be petty. You have no idea their situation and gifts are not tit for tat. 

Post # 3
Member
5870 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

gummygummy :”We’d love to contribute to [their honeymoon fund]….We just really don’t like the idea of attending a wedding without giving anything…”

There is your answer.  Just give a gift.  If they take it as “pressure” to give one in return, that’s not your problem. YOu are giving the gift with an open heart in right spirit.  Don’t overthink it, just do what you would have done before you got married!

Post # 4
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I would give a modest gift.  It’s nice of you to worry about making them feel obligated.

Post # 5
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

Give a gift. Some money in a card would be fine. I wouldn’t base anything off what they did or may do in the future. 

Post # 6
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Give a gift, don’t be petty. Even if it’s just a card.

Post # 7
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
llevinso :  I definetly don’t see this as petty but considerate! If you read the post she mentions that she doesn’t want them to feel obligated to have to give them a gift back.

I say if you can contribute then do so. 

Post # 8
Member
7520 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If giving a gift is what you think is the right thing for you to do, regardless of what they did or didn’t do for your wedding, then that is what you should do. 

Post # 9
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I dont think you are being petty at all, you are actually being really thoughful.

Its nice that your concern is for them, but I would get them a gift anyways.

You will feel better then if you hadnt Im sure.

Post # 11
Member
270 posts
Helper bee

I feel like you are overthinking the reasons why they did not give you a gift and does it actually matter?  If you want to give them a wedding gift then just go for it. 

Post # 12
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We had this happen to us too, it was enough people that didnt bring a gift OR card that we thought maybe some cards got stollen! (we werent very good with having someone keep an eye on the card box- woops!) Anyways we were put off at first and a tad bit hurt since we would NEVER do that, but now 8 months after the fact, it’s all died down. We are choosing to believe that our guests either forgot or had some circumstances that didnt allow for a gift. We would never attend a wedding without bringing a gift, so I would never do that out of spite or payback.

Bring a gift.

PS- We didnt send thank you cards to those that did not bring gifts though- as not to seem “gift grabby.”

Post # 13
Member
6941 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
mrsrizz : True but maybe these people were waiting until after their own wedding to give the OP and her husband something, since money is tight right now. Then it might look like OP is purposefully not giving a gift because they didn’t. Regardless if they MEAN to be petty or not, it could end up looking that way. That’s why I’m saying just do what you would do normally. Don’t take their not gifting anything into consideration at all. 

View original reply
gummygummy :  

Post # 15
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I have to agree the the pp who asked if you’d give one before they didn’t. I had two friends get married within a week of each other last month and it was a struggle. I have NO extra money this summer, stretching every single penny, and finally just made presents because it was all I could do. I’m pretty sure one got trashed because the cheapest thing on their registry was $150 and most were $400-800 and obviously no way I could afford that (I also didn’t know anyone else going so I couldn’t split a gift with anyone). 

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