Post # 1
We very recently had our wedding and a surprising number of people (about 30) didn’t give gifts or even cards. Some said they’re still shopping and some didn’t say anything. It’s all good because we didn’t have a registry and we really don’t need anything.
But here’s the question: One of the couples that didn’t give anything is getting married soon. We don’t know their reason behind not giving us anything or if they have plans to give a gift in the future. It might be that they are a bit stranded right before their wedding or that they are following directions from a friend that we asked not to gift us because we know he’s not been doing so well financially. They also don’t have a registry but on their wedding website they say that they will accept donations to their honeymoon fund. We’d love to contribute to that but we don’t want them to feel obligated to return the favor and give the money back to us as a late wedding gift.
We just really don’t like the idea of attending a wedding without giving anything but it feels a bit awkward overall.
What should we do?
Post # 2
Would you have given them a gift if their wedding was BEFORE yours? If the answer is yes, then give a gift. Don’t be petty. You have no idea their situation and gifts are not tit for tat.
Post # 3
gummygummy :”We’d love to contribute to [their honeymoon fund]….We just really don’t like the idea of attending a wedding without giving anything…”
There is your answer. Just give a gift. If they take it as “pressure” to give one in return, that’s not your problem. YOu are giving the gift with an open heart in right spirit. Don’t overthink it, just do what you would have done before you got married!
Post # 4
I would give a modest gift. It’s nice of you to worry about making them feel obligated.
Post # 5
Give a gift. Some money in a card would be fine. I wouldn’t base anything off what they did or may do in the future.
Post # 6
Give a gift, don’t be petty. Even if it’s just a card.
Post # 7
I definetly don’t see this as petty but considerate! If you read the post she mentions that she doesn’t want them to feel obligated to have to give them a gift back.
I say if you can contribute then do so.
Post # 8
If giving a gift is what you think is the right thing for you to do, regardless of what they did or didn’t do for your wedding, then that is what you should do.
Post # 9
I dont think you are being petty at all, you are actually being really thoughful.
Its nice that your concern is for them, but I would get them a gift anyways.
You will feel better then if you hadnt Im sure.
Post # 11
I feel like you are overthinking the reasons why they did not give you a gift and does it actually matter? If you want to give them a wedding gift then just go for it.
Post # 12
We had this happen to us too, it was enough people that didnt bring a gift OR card that we thought maybe some cards got stollen! (we werent very good with having someone keep an eye on the card box- woops!) Anyways we were put off at first and a tad bit hurt since we would NEVER do that, but now 8 months after the fact, it’s all died down. We are choosing to believe that our guests either forgot or had some circumstances that didnt allow for a gift. We would never attend a wedding without bringing a gift, so I would never do that out of spite or payback.
Bring a gift.
PS- We didnt send thank you cards to those that did not bring gifts though- as not to seem “gift grabby.”
Post # 13
True but maybe these people were waiting until after their own wedding to give the OP and her husband something, since money is tight right now. Then it might look like OP is purposefully not giving a gift because they didn’t. Regardless if they MEAN to be petty or not, it could end up looking that way. That’s why I’m saying just do what you would do normally. Don’t take their not gifting anything into consideration at all.
Post # 14
We also thought some were stolen at first! It didn’t feel good at all.
We got plenty of love and support that day that we are already over it. We’ll do what we feel is right because we can and not hold on to it. I’m just glad that almost everyone said giving a gift is best in this situation. Hopefully they’ll keep it for their honeymoon and not return it but we won’t be too worried about that.
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts!
Post # 15
I have to agree the the pp who asked if you’d give one before they didn’t. I had two friends get married within a week of each other last month and it was a struggle. I have NO extra money this summer, stretching every single penny, and finally just made presents because it was all I could do. I’m pretty sure one got trashed because the cheapest thing on their registry was $150 and most were $400-800 and obviously no way I could afford that (I also didn’t know anyone else going so I couldn’t split a gift with anyone).