(Closed) To give a +1 or not? Uncomfortable situation…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I personally would not since he’s not in a relationship. I wouldn’t want strangers at my wedding.

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I have an aunt that passed away after I sent the Save-The-Date Cards, and right before I sent the invites. I just addressed the invitation to him and left the number of expected guests blank. I didn’t use the “We have reserved X amount of seats for you”. I just left it at “Number of Guests”. That way he could just fill in the number of guests. I don’t think there is any way you can stop him from feeling sad.

Post # 5
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think he needs a +1- I am assuming as basically a member of your family he will know a lot of people.  Since he isn’t seeing anyone and will know people, there is no need for him to find someone random. 

Post # 6
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If he’s not in a serious relationship, I doubt he would want to bring anyone. From what I’ve seen, young, single people who don’t really know anyone usually want to bring a guest. But since he is a member of your family, he’ll probably be familiar with lots of people at your wedding (cousins, parents, etc.), so he wouldn’t necessarily need to bring along a date. I would either just invite him on his own, OR, if you’re really concerned about it, maybe ask one of your parents to bring it up the next time they chat on the phone (assuming they still talk), and they can casually ask if he wants to bring someone, without making a huge deal of it?

Not sure if that helps at all! 🙂

Post # 7
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think there’s a wrong way to go, honestly.  I had a guest whose husband was divorced and still knew people at the wedding.  She wasn’t dating anyone, was older and I gave her a +1, for which she thanked me for (and came alone).

On the other hand, I have a single, older aunt figure that wasn’t dating anyone that I just invited by herself.  I knew her sister would be there, and it wasn’t a big deal.

I guess my point is:  I think single people appreciate the +1.  I know I always did and if I wasn’t dating anyone, I chose to go solo.

I don’t think the +1 would make him feel sad about his wife’s death any more than normal.  I think it would be a kind thing to do – but it also opens you up to the possibility of the random guest.  If you are ok with that, then give him the +1.  He’s obviously close to your family and won’t be alone, so if you don’t want the random potential, then just invite him solo.  

Post # 8
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would leave the RSVP card vague by having…

PLEASE RESPOND ON OR BEFORE
MAY 10, 20XX

___ ACCEPT WITH PLEASURE

NUMBER ATTENDING ___

___ DECLINE WITH REGRET

 

Leave it up to him.

Post # 10
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would use the same rules for him as I would for your other guests.  If most people are NOT allowed to bring a +1, then I would not give him a +1.  But if all your friends are getting a +1, I would give him one too.  That is, unless this would cause tension for other members of your family.

Post # 11
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I wouldn’t give him one since he is not in a relationship. Especially due to your late Aunt. If later you find out he is dating someone, let it be known that you are happy for her to come!

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