Post # 1
I have a conundrum I hope you bee’s can help with:
My Fiance received a hand delivered wedding invitation from one of his coworkers yesterday (I’ll call the coworker Mike). However, Mike didn’t actually hand it to Fiance, he left it on FI’s desk when he was away from it and Fiance just found it sitting there when he returned. Which is fine but Mike’s wedding is next weekend. That’s 10 days away! FI has never hung out with Mike outside work before, with the exception that he attended Mike’s bachelor party last weekend, but everyone from their department was invited (20 or so guys), so it’s not like they’re good buddies, more like acquaintances. FI even said he only went to the bachelor party because everyone else was going and that they aren’t really close. To clarify, this isn’t like a shot gun wedding or anything. Fiance said he’s heard him mention wedding plans a few times over the past year. So basically this is a last minute invite from an acquaintance.
In any event, we are unable to attend the wedding because we’ll be out of town next weekend.
So my question is, since we aren’t attending the wedding and we aren’t close with them, not to mention this is a last minute invite, should we get them a gift or not? If you say yes, how much should we spend that’s acceptable?
Also note: Fiance and I are currently planning our own wedding right now, so we are on a very tight budget. Forking out any extra money right now is not easy. Also, they aren’t invited to our wedding. Not out of spite or anything, we just aren’t inviting many people from our works. So we will most likely not be getting a gift from them.
Anyways – I would really like people’s thoughts and opinions on this. And please let me know if you need me to clear up anything. I sometimes tend to leave out important information.
Post # 3
I would just get them a nice card. You definitely don’t have to get a gift.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t give a gift. This was obviously a last-minute invite, and it seems like kind of a gift-grab to begin with. Especially since you’re not attending the wedding, I wouldn’t feel obligated to send a gift.
Post # 5
That’s weird. I’d just give him a card. Probably with no money.
Post # 6
I might get them something small… that is only because he attended his bachelor party. If he had thought they knew each other well enough to do that then I think getting something small for their wedding maybe $15 should be a good gift.
Post # 7
I don’t think you have to. I invited a whole bunch of my coworkers, because I would love to have them there and celebrate with them, but I’m definitely not expecting a gift from anyone who isn’t able to come. Frankly, I hope that we *don’t* get gifts from anyone who isn’t able to come. I don’t want anyone to think we invited them just to get a gift! So no, I don’t think you should get them a gift. If anything, maybe just send a congratulatory card.
Post # 8
I’ve never given a gift if I couldn’t attend the wedding.
Post # 9
I think either a card or a small gift would be appropriate.
Post # 10
Darling Husband and I always gift even if we can’t attend a wedding. However, it would appear that this is a list B or C invite (giving the time frame) so I would probably do a small gift, maybe $15 or so. There are a lot of things at Kohl’s, Target, Ikea, and Home Goods that would fit the bill and not scream “cheap”.
Post # 11
Ok Etiquette Snob here (comes with my career)
First and foremost, just so you know…
There is nothing wrong with a handwritten invitation… and altho the timing isn’t ideal, there are definitely folks who have a Quickie Wedding without a lot of prelude / forewarning.
Although I guess he knew the date at least a week ago when your Fiance went to the Bachelor Party
To me, this looks a lot like a case of a B-List Invite…
In that they probably have had some RSVPs come back NO… and now have room to add a few more people
Again nothing wrong with being on the B-List… although it is usually done in such a way that it isn’t perhaps apparent to the Guest (more lead time)
As to whether to go or not that is up to you
If you don’t go, you don’t have to send a gift (Gifts are never a requirement any how)
And if you do send a gift, then it should be appropriate to the level of comfort you have with the couple
If you aren’t close something smaller… than say if it was your best friend… or a family member
If you choose not to send a gift… a card is always a nice thought
Hope this helps,
Post # 12
my vote is for a card too
Post # 13
I would definitely give a gift since he did get an invite. However, you can find something for under $25.00. I would just run to T.J. Maxx or Marshall’s and pick up a pretty glass vase or picture frame…something basic.
Post # 14
Thanks everyone for your opinions!!
Post # 15
@futuremrsgo: If you aren’t friends with either the groom or bride, I would just send a nice congratulatory card in place of an actual gift. Or like PP said, get them a small denomination gift card with the card. 🙂