(Closed) To go or not to go?

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Hmm… If I were in your shoes I would go but take a reasonable gift– something they registered for, or something sentimental. If travel is involved, it would depend on how far away. If I can drive there and back in the same day, sure. If it requires staying somewhere overnight I am less likely to go if it is not someone we are very close with.

What are your FI’s thoughts about this?

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I probably wouldn’t. A third cousin? Is that even family? LoL. If you can’t afford it, I don’t think it will matter and I doubt they’ll even notice (or care) if you are there if you guys are all not very close.

I make it a point not to go to weddings if my Fiance or I don’t actually know the couple well enough. 

Post # 5
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Is your only reason for not going because they expect a large monetary gift?  What makes you think they are expecting a large monetary gift?  How old are you and FI?  Are you guys established enough for the wedding couple to expect you to travel to their wedding AND give a large gift?  Yesh…that’s a lot of expectations…whenever something starts to make me stress, I usually bail…

If most of the family that you know and are close with are not going, then I think its ok for you not to go either.  It sounds like you only got invited for the gifts anyway…maybe send something small from teh registry, if you can addord it.

Post # 7
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Why does she expect a large monetary gift from you? How did you find that out? I think that is a bit weird.

Like the other girls said, if you don’t have to travel, you are not ‘required’ to go but it would be nice (esp. if your Fiance wants to go). If you would have to travel and stay over night, it may not be within reason for you. And if you do decide to go, purchase a gift from their registry that is in line with something you would normally purchase for a distant relative.

Post # 8
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that if you CAN go and there is not much of a financial burden (travel, hotel, etc.) then you should go.

Why do you say they EXPECT a large monetary gift?

Post # 9
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I dont think its offensive at all! In fact.. I started hoping for "nos" when a lot of people that I didnt expect to come RSVPed with a yes!! lol

You are distant family (and how amazingly rude of her to send that email) and i dont think it would be an issue at all if you didnt attend. If it was a first cousin that you are close to, thats a different story.

I would RSVP with a polite no.. then send a nice card with a monetary gift that you can afford.. like a 50 visa gift card or something.

Post # 10
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That’s crazy! She really sent an email out saying that? If I were you I’d go (just ’cause I love weddings!) and get her a gift card somewhere for $50 or less.

Good luck! 

Post # 13
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I believe wedding invitations are always optional, which is why we request RSVP. So, just send a very nice "declines with regret," a gift card in whatever amount you’d like, and leave it alone. She should be fine with that. Seriously, if her etiquette radar is so off that she sends an EMAIL requesting money, you have no obligation to her except to be polite.

Post # 14
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

That seems a bit tacky… telling people "this is what you have to get me" AND expecting $150/plate at the guests’ expense?

I second whoever it was that said to send a polite "no" RSVP with a nice card and a check you can afford.

Post # 15
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Dude…I just wanted to add more after reading your response.  She sent an email!!  Seriously?  I wonder what she’s having for dinner that its $150 a head…maybe she included the cost of rentals, etc in that cost…but I digress.  I changed my mind, you dont have to go.  Yesh…what a brat…

Post # 16
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Crazy. She sounds fun.

 

I think you guys need to come up with a nice little excuse for Future Mother-In-Law (work convention you can go to? do you have nieces or nephews that need to be watched for the weekend?), and send that RSVP with no.

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