- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2008
Hey, Ladies. I have a question, or a problem, and I believe it falls under etiquette. Let me explain a little and hopefully someone can give me advice.
5 years ago, I was married. We kept our bridal party mostly family, with an exception of very close friends. One of my bridesmaids was my cousin, Brittany. Now Brittany and I are like sisters. We are only 3 months apart, grew up together, went to the same schools, etc. She was always a part of my circle of friends so she was not only family, but a friend in my bridal party.
Well, Brittany (at the time) was going through problems. She was highly self destructive, but I was patient and put up with her. She got fired from her job during my wedding planning and couldn’t afford her dress or anything. My mom flipped the bill…literally every single time for Brittany. She didn’t offer any money to my Maid/Matron of Honor or other bridesmaids to help with my shower. She didn’t lift a finger at all. She just came, ate, drank, and left. She didn’t even give a gift. In the months after my shower, a very jealous side of Brittany was showing. She was finding different ways to get under my skin and making comments. My mom and friends told me to just ignore it. So I did. Well, when it came time for RSVPs to be sent in, one of the few outstanding was hers. I asked her to tell me if she was bringing a date or not. She gave me the hardest time. It literally took a week of begging before she said she was bringing a date. During this time, she never once offered to help me with anything, seating arrangements, favors, etc. All the other girls did and we did everything together. She was always missing. Even for dress fittings, the girls and I would all go together. Her last fitting, my mom had to beg her to show up. (even after my mom so generously paid!)
Finally, the day of the rehearsal came, she was late. She complained she had nowhere to stay for the night (because the wedding was an hour away from her apartment). So my mom paid for her hotel room, for that night and the night of the wedding! I know, right? At some point, we should have cut her off. But my mom was so worried she was going to ruin my wedding or upset me by not showing. Day of the wedding, she was fine. Almost indifferent. Not excited or happy for me at all. I was curious where her date was, but I said nothing. At the reception, her date showed up. Her “best friend”, a girl she had formerly worked with. The two of them got wasted at my reception. She was so drunk her father had to cut her steak. She literally caused a scene at one point. And of course, Britanny didn’t give a gift.
After our wedding, I didn’t talk to Brittany for a few months. I just needed my space. But we were never the same again. I wasn’t holding a grudge, I tried to be cordial. But I felt like a weird part of her was mad at me for something. And trust me, I’ve tried to figure out what I could have done to deserve that treatment from family.
So now, its 5 years later, and Brittany’s wedding is in late September. She met a guy last year, and after a short engagement, they are getting married. She didn’t even tell me. My mother and grandmother informed me. At family functions, she avoids me. She didn’t ask me to be in her bridal party, which sort of hurt me, because even with our relationship being distant, I thought she would still consider me important on her special day. I made her so important on mine. Instead online, she makes comments to mutual friends, almost purposely hurting me. Her bridal shower is next month. What should I do? Should I be the bigger person go and give a gift? Should I go to her wedding? I’ve debated this a million different times with my husband, my parents, and my friends. Everyone says I shouldn’t go. Sorry this is so long, but i figured the back story needed to be told for this to make sense.