- 6 years ago
To go or not to go? This is going to be a bit long, but advice needed on a family situation:
Darling Husband and I have been married 2 years and we have a wonderful 7 month DS. We have been estranged from Darling Husband family ( mainly his Mom/Sis) since our wedding. His family was awful durning our engagement. I think what it boils down to is you had a mother and sister who were used to being #1 in my Darling Husband life and they could not handle sharing him. They did everything they could to try and stop our wedding, his mother would fight with us every single day, she had issues with EVERYTHING. It was very stressful on my Darling Husband and I and our relationship. My Darling Husband finally had to tell them if they don’t knock it off , that they are forcing him to have to choose between them and Me and he would choose me over them. They kept on with their behaviors, at our Rehearsal Dinner we had to call the cops of them because they were screaming at me, my Darling Husband, my parents, she punched my Father-In-Law, she came after me.
At that moment my Darling Husband made his choice and cut them out. He was disgusted and would not tolerate their behavior towards me and us anymore. They tried for several months to continue the drama, calling, leaving nasty VM and emails but my Darling Husband never responded to them. He moved on and his hope was that they could realize their issues and problems and want to be a part of US and change. But it never happened.
Prior to getting pregnant my Darling Husband did try to reach out once to see if they all could move forward and be decent people, and it resulted in the same situation, so nothing changed. We then got pregnant, and my Darling Husband did inform his family, no reaction or anything. So we went on our 9 months in happy bliss, focusing on US and our new baby.
About 3 weeks before I was due ( I was also a high risk pregnancy) His mother reaches out and starts major drama again. Darling Husband was furious and basically told her she was nuts and needed mental help because she was so focused on herself that she never once asked about ME or the well being of our future baby. Sadly it was hitting home to both of us that this baby was not going to fix anything. I think all along we thought when the baby comes, they will stop this and move forward, but it wasn’t turning out to be that way.
The baby comes, no one from his family came to visit us. Darling Husband did send his mother a pic, she did say congrats and thanks for a pic, but that was it. Never a card, or a phone call. About 2 weeks later his father visited ( Darling Husband parents are not together) His mother never reached out. Not that I would EVER let her stay with us, but if she showed an interest and asked to visit the baby we would have said yes, she never did, and like I said NEVER even sent a card for him.
When the baby was a month old, I decided to start a blog/baby pic updates for out of town family. I included his entire family on it, including his mother and sister , even considering all that went on. I got back a nasty email from his mother, calling me names, accusing me of destroying her relationship, keeping her son and grandson from her and many other nasty hurtful things. I was very upset and told my Darling Husband that she was no longer going to be included on my updates as she completely overshadowed my Son and my enjoyment with her BS and drama. HE reached out to her and reminded her that the behaviors are not welcome in our life, she just wanted to continue fighting, so Darling Husband cut off all contact again. She would send texts saying I love you, Miss you, but never once asking about our Son.
We then had DS baptism when he was 5 months old. My Father-In-Law ,even though he supposedly hates her, requested that we invite her as it could be the stepping stone to try and “mend” relationships. My Darling Husband really did not want to as he felt it was our Son’s day and he didn’t want drama, but deep down I thought maybe this was what we all needed. They came, we said hello to them and welcomed them, and they literally turned their back to us and didn’t even say hello. Not only to us but everyone that we invited they ignored and were rude to. At that point, I fully made up my mind that I was done with these people. She asked to hold the baby when my Mom was holding him so my Mom agreed, and then we turn around and her and her daughter are shoving ice cubes in my Son’s mouth. I flipped! I went running over there and asked her to please not give my child ice cubes and proceeded to take him away and she got nasty with me saying that she knows how to raise a kid. I said then you should know better than to put ice cubes in a 5 month old mouth!
They then left and didn’t say goodbye to anyone. I will say they did bring gifts, but it was def more for the show of “Oh look at all we brought” We didn’t open the gifts because no one else brought gifts and we did not want to make our friends and family fell like they had to bring gifts, as well as we had many family members who gave him a lot of money and I feel that it’s a private thing. My Darling Husband did offer for them to come back to our HOUSE to open the gifts, but they declined.
We then later got nasty emails about how everyone was rude to them, that we sat her as far away from us as possible (why would I sit you near me when you can’t even acknowledge me as a person!) . She handed my Darling Husband an invite to her daughter’s wedding shower to HIM telling him to give it to me. She can’t even give me the invite!
Then about 3 weeks ago, an email comes from his sister. She took an old email from when I sent out 1 month old pics of the baby and sent it to everyone that was on the list. People she didn’t know, my friends and family. Stating that how dare I keep her and her mother from my Son and how dare I not include her mother on emails pertaining to my son. She opened a huge can of worms. THEN the mother does the same thing! My friends and family were like WTF, but they know how crazy they are! So long story short, since then there has been an ongoing feud between my Darling Husband and them again. Fighting through texting, emailing. It’s crazy.
To add to all this. Darling Husband sister is getting married in 3 weeks. We just got the invite. I would never keep my Darling Husband from going, the decision has to be his on if he wants to go or not, but he is totally torn. He doesn’t want to put me or our Son through this drama and feels if we go then it’s opening up the doors for more drama, and also feels like why we would go, NOTHING is changing with them. But then he worries about what his extended family will think of him. I told him that if his extended family wants to believe the lies she tells then he doesn’t want those kind of people in his life, but it’s weighing on him because these extended family didn’t come to our wedding because of the junk she told them. I really don’t care what his extended family thinks at this point. But we are totally torn and we need to make a decision ASAP.
SOOOOOOO, what does everyone think? DO we go just because it’s family and his sister?