Post # 1
Hi Everyone, I really need some help with an issue I’ve been struggling with, I am going back and forth… can’t make a decision.
I am going to sum it up as best as I can. My husband and I got married last June, both my husband and I are political activists and because of this we cannot travel to our birth country, because we have been speaking out about the dictatorship in that government for years. Because of this I have not met my husbands extended family as they are all back home. I’ve only met his brother who lives in the US.
His family is planning a trip at the end of June to a different country so that they can meet me and my husband can see his family as well. He hasn’t seen them in 4 years. While I am really excited to meet everyone I have two major issues.
1. This third country is not 100 % safe either for people that are politically involved and it also has close ties to our country of birth, there have been reports of assasinations, kidnappings of activists etc… I dont think the chances are very very high, but there is some danger which is causing me some serious concern. If it was up to me I wouldn’t want my husband to go either, but obviously that’s his decision.
2. Second issue which might sound really stupid but its a real problem for me is I have a severe cat phobia, I have been getting some cognitive therapy the past few months to try to deal with it and although its gotten a bit better I am not cured by any means. This country we are going to is known for its huge population of stray cats! there are cats in the resports, streets, some restaurants etc.. I feel like I might have a nervous break down and wont let my husband enjoy his holiday either. We went to cuba 2 years ago and tehre were cats everywhere in the towns so we hardly left the resort (no cats on resort) and everytime we did go out my hsuband couldnt enjoy anything because I was a nervous mess and I didn’t enjoy it either.
I am just thinking if its better if he goes alone, I will have to spend around $4000 for this trip and I wonder if its worth spending all that money and having a really miserable time and my husband not having a good time either… I just don’t know. I would appreciate any comments. This is not really about money if it wasnt for the cats and the safety issue i would have no hasitation.
Post # 2
If going to this place could potentially result in you or your husband’s death or kidnapping….then no I would say you should not go.
It’s unfortunate since I’m sure you’d like to meet his family, but hopefully there will be another trip in the future to a more neutral location.
I wouldn’t go. Meeting a family isn’t worth potentially getting murdered and being freaked out by cats the whole time. I have a legitimate bee phobia so I totally understand. Would I go to a country swarming with bees? Hell no.
Post # 3
There may be an answer to this that you just haven’t mentioned, but why can’t the trip be to a safer country for you and your husband? If there are still risks of kidnapping and violence because of your activism, I wouldn’t consider this other country “safer” and wouldn’t take the risk.
Post # 4
I would suggest speaking to your husband about how he feels about the country of choice and whether or not you join. I would also have ideas for alternate countries where you would be comfortable.
Post # 5
Thanks so much, Ofcourse I really want to meet his family, unfortunately the only really “neutral” country his family can go to is this one, and for me and my husband is not really nutreal but its the only one. 🙁
Post # 6
I had suggested a much more safer country where only his mother could travel too, but the entire family wants to come together and ofcourse my husband wants to see everyone, so that country wouldn’t have worked. realistcally speaking this is the only country that the entire family can come to because they won’t need to get visa’s and because of financial situation. I did try to convince my husband to only see his mom in this much safer country but nobody was really open to that.
Post # 7
We’ve spoken about it many times, unfortunately practically speaking thats the only country that his entire family can travel to. I am sure he will undrestand if I pass, but I’ve just been going back and forth trying to decide waht to do…
Post # 8
“His family is planning a trip at the end of June to a different country so that they can meet me and my husband can see his family as well.”
So part of the point of this trip is to meet you? If so, then I think you should see if there is any other way that the destination can be changed.
Otherwise, unfortunately while it would be great to meet your husband’s family, it just doesn’t seem safe to. Skype, let your husband go if he wishes, and try for something better next time 🙂