(Closed) To go or Not to go – That is the question

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should we go to SIL wedding?
    Yes, go to the wedding and reception and pretend to enjoy it : (8 votes)
    26 %
    Yes, go to the wedding only and then leave after the ceremony : (15 votes)
    48 %
    No, do not go to the wedding : (8 votes)
    26 %
    Other suggestions : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    1897 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Hm, what a difficult situation you pickles are in.  I think your husband should talk to his sister about their dad and tell her how badly dad wants to be included.  In the end, I think your husband and you need to make every effort to be there.  These are the things that break up families.  🙁   Please keep us posted!

    Post # 4
    1079 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think you should take the high road and go to the wedding. But you don’t have to go to the reception – the wedding is a matter of respect, the reception is a party. So, you can say you want to be respectful but not be friends and party together.

    Post # 5
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Honestly, I would decline the invite and not go. They obviously only care about themselves and it sounds like it will be very awkward for everyone if you do attend. You’ve made several efforts in the past to be accommodating and nice to SIL and been kicked in the teeth everytime so at some point, you will have to stop and she will have to make the initiative to spend time with you. What is going on is not healthy at all. By attending, you are telling SIL that she and Mother-In-Law have both won and have control over you. Also attending the ceremony means that you fully agree with and support their relationship. If you don’t support it, you don’t attend.

    Post # 6
    145 posts
    Blushing bee

    This is really a toughy. You are absolutely right, you leave this up to your husband and follow his lead, if he goes, you go. But I would say let his father speak to them about the wedding, if his father continues to be uninvited, then your husband may want to be supportive and not attend, in which case, you don’t either. Weddings can be such make it or break it event, in this case, the mom and his sister is really trying to break it.

    Post # 7
    2083 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Hmm… this is tough for sure! It seems like an awful situation to be in – lots of stress and hurt. I think that even though it will be hard to go to the wedding that you need to just go and do it. This way they can’t hold it against you that you didn’t go… From the sounds of it, it seems like if you don’t go it could be the final straw to truly end all relationships with that side of the family.

    Post # 8
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    This does sound like a tough situation to be in. Although your SIL and Mother-In-Law Pickle have not made it easy on you and Mr. Pickle, I do agree with bloodgo1 and rachelss. You only get one shot to be at this wedding, and if you don’t attend, then the Pickles may use it against you later. It would be best to take the high road and go to the ceremony, but maybe not the reception.

    If you could think of a good excuse to not be at the reception, then you might want to use that if anyone asks you whether you are going to the reception or mentions your non-attendance at the reception later. Not that I advocate lying– but it might be better to have an answer for why you’re not there that isn’t controversial. “We’re really tired” or “Mr. Pickle isn’t feeling well” would be less likely to start a fight (and could be partially true) than “We’re not really happy about this wedding” or “We think you guys are being disrespectful to Father-In-Law Pickle.”

    I would probably go with a “smile and nod” policy with your SIL Pickle’s new husband. If your SIL Pickle wants him to be part of the family, there’s really nothing you can do about it. “Killing them with kindness” could have the added bonus of making it so that your Mother-In-Law Pickle couldn’t use you guys as excuses for why SIL Pickle’s new husband doesn’t do well with the family. If he’s as much of a douche as it sounds like, and if Mother-In-Law Pickle is as unladylike as she sounds, then they will create enough problems on their own. It sounds like SIL Pickle isn’t changing her mind anytime soon–and may even thrive on the drama–so it may be time to keep any concerns you have to yourselves and let the chips fall where they may. Basically, what I’m saying is, “Be Switzerland.” Try not to take sides, but maybe do show extra kindness to Father-In-Law Pickle and try to cheer him up by showing him that YOU guys like and respect him. Good luck to you guys!

    Post # 11
    1245 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Wow this is really really difficult, I would say go and support her after all it is her day. I would suggest on going to the ceremony only. If that. 

    I really hope things turn for the better,

    keep us posted.

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