(Closed) To go to wedding or not?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
6789 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

anonbee4321:  Just an idea, but if you do decide to go to the funeral, can your Fiance not still go to the wedding? Unless he was also really close to your Maid/Matron of Honor and her father?

Post # 17
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’m going to disagree with the majority of people here. My MOHs mother passed away. I knew her and could have a conversation with but she was not a second mother to me. I went to the funeral for her, not her mother (not that I didn’t want to give my respects) but she’s my best friend and had just lost her mother. I ended up spending 8 hours on a train the day before a job interview to attend her funeral. If you are close to your Maid/Matron of Honor and want to give her your support, even if she might not need it that day – then go and remind her that you’re there whenever she needs you. If the couple doesn’t understand then it’s not worth salvaging that friendship for me.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  loz24.
Post # 18
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would let everyone know what’s going on so they can make other arrangements and you go if you feel up to it. Funerals are tiring! I’m sure everyone will understand. I’m sorry for your loss.

Post # 20
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

I am really shocked and disappointed by all the people that said if you didn’t know the father/weren’t tight with him, etc they would go to the wedding…

I would assume if this girl is your Maid/Matron of Honor, you are close to her…SHE just experienced a DEVASTATING loss…THAT should be your number 1 priority…I say this not only as someone who lost my own father and still remember EXACTLY who was there for me, and who didn’t make it…and I say it because my best friend just lost her mom and has told me 1000 times how it meant EVERYTHING to her that I was by her side 100% for the entire week – the wake, the funeral, the house, etc…yes, I knew her mom, but even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have given it another thought – my best friend is heartbroken and nothing in the world means more to me at the time than being there for her.

Post # 21
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

I’d go to the funeral.  Figure out if the people you were carpooling with can find another ride.  If not.. perhaps your partner can go to the wedding with them, and you could go to the funeral?

Post # 22
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Some of you guys sound so cold. Don’t go unless you were friends with him personally? Really? It’s her best friend’s father. She wants to attend the funeral to support HER, not the dad. The people still living are the ones who need attended to. 

I would go to the funeral. The couple will understand.

Post # 23
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Considering that you are a guest and not in the wedding party, and also considering that your gut is telling you to go to the funeral, then follow your gut. As brides we should all understand that there will be some last minute drop-offs due to unforseen circumstances, like a sudden death. Give the engaged couple a heads up…they may have a B-list. 

Post # 24
Member
3038 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

From a bride’s perspective: my former college roommate’s grandfather died shortly before our wedding and she needed to be a no-show to attend the funeral. She gave me a call the morning of the wedding to let me know. I was sad for her loss but not upset about the actual no-showing. To me, supporting the grieving is more important than celebrating a marriage.

Post # 25
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

anonbee4321:  what time is the funeral? …..because I think you could go to the funeral then drive and make it in time to the wedding reception. Usually it would be rude to just rock up to the reception without going to the ceremony but if you explain it to the bride I’m sure she would understand your predicament. 

Also funerals usually have a mass or ceremony to honor the person who has passed followed by a grave side burial. Could you just attend the mass/ eulogy part and skip the grave side burial??? That way you can leave earlier still and make it to the wedding.

Post # 26
Member
7372 posts
Busy Beekeeper

IMO funerals trump weddings. Especially if someone is thought highly enough to be your Maid of Honor no way wouldn’t I support my nearest and dearest in their time of NEED.

I don’t care if he was a 2nd Dad or if you never met him. That’s her FATHER. She deserves your support in tiring time. Being around for a party is easy. It’s the hard times to count. 

Really people. Smdh

Post # 27
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

KatieJo82:  I second this, in exactly the way you stated.

My MOH’s father died last year and I was with her for the wake, funeral, and cemetery. We were best friends for 30 years. Unless it was another best friend’s wedding, I wouldn’t be thinking twice. But I would give a generous gift, as I did the one time I couldn’t attend a wedding I had RSVPed to because bad weather cancelled all the flights out and we physically could not make it. (Still feel bad even though there was nothing we could have done). The situation becomes cloudy if you are very good friends with those getting married as well, of course.

Post # 28
Member
470 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think it has anything to do with whether you were close to the MOH’s family or not. She’s your maid of honor, theoretically your best friend, and her father just died. You’re asking her to support you on your day, so you should do the same for her.

Post # 29
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

First of all, I am very sorry for your friends loss =[ I say 100% go to the funeral. I just say send the bride and groom a note in advance with the circumstances, and still send them a gift in the mail! They should understand.

I am going to assume that those bees who said go to the wedding, especially if you don’t know the father well, have never lost an immediate family member. While the funeral itself is to honor the life of the lost loved one, attendance is ABSOLUTELY for the living, the mourning, and the broken. OP, if this is your best friend, in my opinion you need to be there. 

 

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